The Debt & the Doormat(60)

I grab the bottle and spin it quickly, ignoring the stares. It lands on Grace first and then Izzy. I think they’re going to decline but then they start making out in front of us all, their hands exploring each other’s bodies. It's almost like soft porn. I’m so astonished, there are no words. The guy’s mouths are all open as they watch with curiosity, probably nursing hard ons that could cut ice.

‘Wow, I didn’t think you were gonna do it,’ I say, still startled when they come up for air.

‘That's spin the bottle, baby. You get who you get. And besides, Gracie’s always been a good kisser,’ Izzy says, winking at her.

Who’d have known it? I’m living with a pair of lesbians.

Izzy spins the bottle and this time it lands on Ryan. He rolls his eyes, as if he’s far too cool for any of this. Grace suddenly sits up and takes notice, pursing her lips together. She must be desperate for it to stop on her. Probably creaming her knickers already.

I however, would rather it didn’t land on me. I’m still confused by the other nights kiss, let alone anything else. I think anything else would just push me over the edge and I’d explode.

‘Poppy!’ Izzy claps excitedly as it stops on me. Oh crap.

I look up at Ryan and feel breathless, my heart pumping hard in my chest. How the hell am I going to do this? Is my breath OK? My head starts thumping as a million questions go racing through my mind. Grace looks disgusted and gets up to walk into the kitchen.

He leans back behind Izzy and I go behind her too, glad of the privacy her small body will provide.

For a second I forget about everyone else in the room. It’s just me and him looking at each other, as nervous as could be. His burning eyes lock with mine, releasing their full power on me, turning my legs to jelly. When that mesmerising gaze drops to my lips I lose my balance, falling slightly to the right. He flashes his gleaming smile, dazing me momentarily before I lean in a bit further, taking an unsteady breath.

He leans his head in until he’s close enough for me to smell his sweet breath. My own breathing is erratic, short spurts of breath making me almost choke. My mouth is almost turning numb from the nerves and my stomach’s full of flutters. He takes my face in his hands and draws my mouth up to his. I close my eyes, melting into it.

His plump lips meet mine, so soft and yet firm. His silky palms against my cheeks make me want to feel those strong hands moving all over my body, one slow inch at a time. I hear both of us take a sharp intake of breath through our noses and then he ever so slowly parts his lips, poking his tongue onto mine for just a second, then taking it back out. He continues to tease me with the pleasure he’s withholding. I tremble. He kisses me harder. He pushes his hands into my hair, my whole body shivering from the pleasure. His hands move down to my neck, his thumbs circling small patterns. I let myself get lost in it.

The kiss goes on until I feel I’m going to melt with the heat roaring through my body, and we’re both gasping for breath. He slowly pulls away and when I open my eyes I’m still in a daze, everything around me seeming fuzzy.

‘Wow,’ I whisper before I can help it.

He smiles at me, his lips red. I try to pull myself together but I just can't stop staring at him.

‘Wow. That was hot!’ Izzy chuckles.

Ryan gets up and walks into the kitchen. I sit still, trying to regain consciousness.

‘OK, we’ll leave Poppy out for now,’ Izzy says, laughing at me as I sit there still in a dream world.

I get up, my legs still like jelly and decide I’ll get a beer from the kitchen. And if Ryan just so happens to be there, so be it. I walk through the doorway and stop in my tracks as I see him cornered by Grace, her hands on his face. Kissing him.

Oh my God. Oh my fucking God. OK, try not to react. Just quickly get the hell out of here and pretend you haven’t seen it. Go somewhere where you can cry over your broken heart. I turn hastily and in the process knock over a glass on the worktop, it smashing into a million pieces on the floor. Damn it! Why am I such a klutz!

Ryan pulls away and turns to look at me, his eyes wide with horror.

‘Oops.’ I look anywhere but at him.

I bend over to pick up the pieces, covering my face with my hair so that I can't see them anymore. Ryan bends down and tries to help me, collecting the remaining glass into his hand as Grace stares on from behind him, her arms crossed.

Why can't he just leave me alone? Why does he keep doing this to me? Grace was right all along. He’s been leading me on just for a bit of entertainment. He thinks I’m a joke. He’s been laughing with Grace about me behind my back. The two of them, rolling back and forth in bed naked, their bodies crushed against each other as they relay the latest ridiculous thing I’ve done.

‘OK...well, sorry for interrupting,’ I mumble before turning sharply and running out of the room into my bedroom, just as the tears begin to fall.





Chapter 23




The next morning I’m still recovering from my loss. For I have lost my lovely dream world where I fantasised that Ryan was secretly in love with me. He’s not in love with me. Of course he’s not. He’s barely friends with me, and what did I expect? Honestly, did I expect him to just ignore the charms of Gorgeous Grace and settle on little old boring me? I feel so foolish for even wishing that were true.

He thinks I’m a joke. Well I’ll show him what a joke I am. I’ll show him how fabulous I can be. No more pushover Poppy. At least today I’m having my stitches taken out. I am so ready to have these out! I can't begin to tell you how they’ve interfered with my cleansing routine. They itch so badly and seem to gloat up at me every time I look at them, reminding me that Gorgeous Grace always wins.

I’m nearly fully dressed when Jazz flashes up on my mobile.

‘Hey hun.’

‘Pops, I’m so sorry, but I’m not gonna be able to go to the doctors with you today.’

‘What? You were supposed to be my moral support so I didn’t act like a complete baby!’ I shriek, panicking.

‘I know! I know! I’m so sorry, but I’ve got a last minute interview.’

‘Interview? What for?’

‘It's just...for something else. I can't really say much about it. Anyway, are you sure you’ll be OK without me?’

‘Yeah, that's OK. Don't worry about it,’ I lie.

I mean, why couldn’t she have told me this last night? She’s known since Monday about this appointment and she only knows to tell me this at 8am in the morning? And why the mystery about the interview? She’s not normally so secretive.

‘Are you sure babe?’

‘Yeah, honestly it's fine. I’ve gotta go, love you.’

‘Love you too. Call me later.’

Great – now I have to go by myself. Why the hell couldn’t she be more responsible – just for once!?

I wander into the kitchen and hover over the cereals, not really feeling brave enough to eat. The truth is that I’m terrified to have them out. I mean, even thinking about it gives me the creeps. I don't even know how they’re gonna do it. I tried to Google it but I couldn’t bear to watch any of the videos that flashed up.

‘Hey Pops,’ Ryan says, walking in with a devastatingly handsome suit on, his hair still wet from the shower.

How can he act normal? Like nothing’s happened. And calling me Pops. How dare he shorten my name!

‘Hi,’ I say trying to act natural and not like the spoilt brat I want to be.

What I really want to do is run over and punch him hysterically and scream ‘why don't you love me!?’ But I have a feeling that would be slightly pathetic and needy.

‘So...today’s the day then’ he says with a warm smile.

How can he act so normal? He’s a heartless arsehole.

‘Yep. After today I’ll be normal again.’

‘Well...I wouldn’t go that far,’ he says, with a wicked grin.

‘Gee, thanks.’

‘So, what time you meeting Jazz?’ he asks, pouring himself out some cereal.

It really does escape me how someone can manage to eat coco pops as much as he does and still manage to keep a fit physique. Not that I’m looking at his body. Not anymore.

‘Oh...I’m just on my way to meet her now,’ I lie.

I don't want his pity. I’m starting my new fabulous me today. No more Poppy the joke.

‘Morning Pops,’ Izzy says, bounding into the room, a ball of her usual energy. ‘Jazz just called me and explained. I’d totes go with you, but I’m already running late for a client.’

I stare at her, trying to explain with my eyes that she’s totally blown my cover.

‘What?’ she asks innocently as she peels a banana. ‘Anyway, good luck.’

She runs out of the house and I turn begrudgingly to face Ryan and his accusing gaze.

‘You better get going. You don't want to miss Jazz,’ he says sarcastically.

‘Ok, OK, I lied! I just didn’t want you feeling sorry for me. I’m totally fine to go by myself.’

‘You are funny,’ he says, amusement all over his face. ‘But it's your lucky day. I’ve got a late meeting this morning and I’ve got my blackberry with me, so I can go with you.’

‘Really? I mean...no, I’ll be fine. I’m fine, but thanks.’

‘Pops, stop being stubborn and pretending to be brave. I can tell you’re shitting it. It's all over your face. You’re even paler than usual.’