She resists but I still run out of the office and breathe in the fresh air. I hear Mum’s footsteps running out after me. How the hell am I going to explain this one?
‘Poppy darling, why are you running away from Ryan? And why did he just ask me who you were?’
I look into her face and instead of suspicion I see genuine concern. Oh God, now I really feel terrible. I should just tell the truth. She deserves that.
‘He’s...got amnesia,’ I say before I can stop myself. I stare at her, waiting for her to tell me I’m ridiculous and realise I’m lying. I watch her face as she seems to consider this.
‘Amnesia? What happened to him?’ she asks intrigued, as if it were her daily soap instead of my life.
‘Um...he fell down the stairs,’ I say quickly, avoiding her suspicious gaze.
‘Oh what a poor love!’
Why the hell is she believing this crap? It's almost as if she’s so desperate for me to have a boyfriend – any boyfriend – that she’s willing to ignore rationality.
‘So he doesn’t remember anything?’
‘No. Not a thing.’ I frown, pretending to be upset.
‘Oh, don't worry darling, I’m sure he’ll remember. But I still think you should see a doctor. You can't just faint and then forget about it. Unless...’ she trails off, her mouth gaping open and her eyes widening. ‘Oh my Jesus. I can't believe I didn’t realise immediately. You’re pregnant! My baby’s pregnant!’ She wraps her arms around me and starts rocking from side to side.
Oh my God.
‘No! Mum, I’m not pregnant!’
But it's as if she hasn’t heard me. Already planning the nursery in her head.
‘Of course! I fainted during all four pregnancies. You obviously get that from me. But don't worry darling, we’re going to get through this together. Ryan will remember soon and then we’ll all be a happy family.’ She stares at my stomach excitedly.
‘No. You don't understand,’ I protest.
‘I thought you’d put on a bit of weight.’ She pats my stomach.
‘Mum! Listen to me! I am NOT pregnant!’
‘Ok darling.’ She winks at me. ‘I get it. You don't want to tell anyone until after the twelve week scan. Totally understandable.’
‘Listen to me.’ I grab her face with both my hands and speak extra slow. ‘I. Am. Not. Pregnant.’
She looks at me, still in my hands and smiles.
‘There really is no need to be embarrassed darling. Plenty of people have children out of wedlock these days. But we can get you married in an instant.’ She takes a notebook out of her bag. ‘We’ll have to get you married as soon as possible. I’ll call Father Trevor and – ‘
‘We’re not getting married!’
‘Not this second darling, but soon he’ll get his memory back.’
‘No! I...I don't want to marry him! I might actually dump him.’
Yes that's a good way to get out of this.
‘Dump him? But why would you do that darling? He needs you now more than ever.’
‘Well...’ I rack my brain trying to think. ‘Don't you think he’s a bit old for me?’ I remember his appearance. He was easily late forties, if not early fifties.
‘Age is just a number darling.’
‘Well I’m afraid that I’ve made my decision,’ I say firmly. ‘You can tell everyone that it's over.’
‘But he’s not that old sweetheart and you are carrying his baby.’
‘Yes he is Mum!’ I say losing my temper. ‘He’s an old man with a wrinkly cock!’
Oh my God. Why the fuck did I say that?
‘Oh!’ she says, seeming taken back. ‘Well...I understand.’
Is she talking about my Dad’s penis? Please God, don't say she is. Block out the thoughts of your Dad’s penis! Throw yourself off a bridge if you have to!
‘Thank you for understanding. I have to go.’
And then I run.
Chapter 14
I can't stop thinking about Annabel and what a poisonous witch she is. It’s helping me get over the shock of yesterday. Anything to block that out. I couldn’t even confide in Lily when I got back to the office, as I’m too embarrassed to admit I have an imaginary boyfriend. That and she was busy showing me pictures of the flat she’s buying that only I know she can’t afford. That and I haven’t had a chance to interrogate Ryan on his feelings for Tabitha. Big Tits Tabitha.
How could she do this to Richard? How can she be feeding him some line about trying for a baby while all the time shagging someone else? I’ve come to the conclusion that I must have been wrong. I just must be. It was a very trying day and I was probably exhausted. My brain showed me some kind of old image of Annabel. I’d probably see her again and laugh at how unlike Annabel she is. She’ll probably have bright blonde hair and a broken leg and I’ll say ‘my God, how could I have been so wrong!?’
I hope. But just in case, I’ve decided to do some investigating. Richard says that she does her ‘writing course’ on a Thursday night so here I am. I’m waiting in my car outside their house. I’ve parked a bit down the road and am waiting eagerly for her to come out. She runs out, banging the door enthusiastically and heads for her blue Ford Fiesta.
I start my engine up and creep slowly behind her. We head towards St Albans road and turn at Emerald Corner. This is actually the way to the college. Thank God, I was wrong. She is actually doing a course. Of course she is. But at the turning of the college car park, instead of pulling in she carries on straight. My stomach drops. I follow her, considering where else she could be going. She could be surprising Richard with a big present or something and she has to go miles away to get it. Yes, it's probably that. I follow her down quite a few muddy country roads and pass a sign stating Harpenden.
Within a few minutes we’re on Harpenden high street. She pulls effortlessly into a parking space as I struggle to Parallel Park a little down the road. She puts on some fresh lipstick and jumps out, an excited smile on her face. She flicks her hair behind her shoulders and heads across the road into a bar.
I get out nervously, glad I came prepared. I pull out a red baseball hat, which perfectly matches my red t-shirt, and stick it on over my pony tail. I pull on a pair of sunglasses and grab my clipboard. I shuffle over to the other side of the road, making sure she’s in clear sight of me. She’ll never notice me. She’ll just think I’m one of those annoying people asking you to sign petitions or asking you to complete a survey.
A few minutes later I watch as Cheryl’s husband appears inside and they embrace each other tightly. Anyone that didn’t know better might think that this was a good friend, but only I know their sordid little secret. They get some drinks and start talking intensely, leaning in closely. She looks worried and he holds her hand reassuringly.
What on earth could they be talking about?
‘Excuse me miss.’
I’m thrown out of my concentration, turning around to see an elderly man with big milk bottle glasses smiling at me.
‘I’d be willing to sign your petition, dear.’
‘My petition?’ I follow his eyes down to my clipboard. ‘I mean, my petition! Yes, of course!’
I thrust the clipboard into his hands, realising that the piece of paper on it only contains my doodles of flowers and butterflies.
‘And what is this petition for?’ he asks narrowing his eyes at me.
Oh crap, I knew I should have given myself a back story, but it just took so long to get my pony tail in the right position so that I could wear the hat properly.
‘Um...it’s for....the tortoise hospital.’
Tortoise hospital? What the fuck is wrong with me? I feel myself redden and I quickly look away. Maybe I should just kick him and run as fast as I can. He looks like he’d go down pretty easy.
‘Tortoise hospital?’ he asks, smiling to himself, as if considering whether this is a joke.
Oh crap, this old man isn’t as stupid as I first thought. I’ve got no choice, I have to just go with it.
‘Oh yes.’ I put on my most convincing tone. ‘People forget about tortoises. It’s all about cats and dogs, but tortoises need help too.’ I smile as confidently as possible. Surely this is so ridiculous he has to believe it. Either that or he’ll call the police.
‘Oh right,’ he says, staring at me strangely. ‘And what's the name of this tortoise hospital?’
Seriously old man, don't you have anything else to do? Don't you have some Deal or No Deal to be catching up on? Some teenagers to tut at? Some slow walking to do?
‘It's called....Tortoise Safety. Yes, Tortoise Safety. But like I’ve said, you probably haven’t heard of it.’
‘Oh, I think I have!’ he smiles. ‘Is Vanessa still working on reception? Good old Van.’ He smiles affectionately.
‘Um....I’m not sure.’
I glance over at the bar and to my horror they’ve gone. I look towards her car but it's still there. Where the hell have they gone?
‘Well, when you see her, will you tell her that Betsy is terribly unwell,’ he says, a sad expression on his face.
‘Betsy?’
‘My terrapin,’ he nods.
What the hell is going on here?
‘Yes, I’ll tell her.’ I grab the clipboard from him, eager to get away, but he clasps his hands round mine.