"That was spectacular," a voice bursts out, and I turn to see Fiona marching toward me. She sweeps me into her arms and hugs me. "You were breathtaking, Hannah. Best performance of the night."
Her words don't ease the tight ache in my chest. I manage a nod and mumble, "I need to use the ladies' room. Excuse me."
I leave Dex, Fiona and Jae staring after me in confusion, but I don't care, and I don't slow down. Fuck the ladies' room. And fuck the rest of this showcase. I don't want to stand around and watch the senior performances. I don't want to wait for the scholarship ceremony. I just want to get the hell out of here and find a private place to cry.
I sprint toward the exit, my silver ballet flats slapping the hardwood floor in my desperate need to flee.
I'm five feet from the door when I smack into a hard male chest.
My gaze flies up and lands on a pair of gray eyes, and it takes a second to realize I'm looking at Garrett.
Neither one of us speaks. He's wearing black trousers and a blue button-down that stretches across his broad shoulders. His expression is a mixture of shining wonder and endless sorrow.
"Hi," he says gruffly.
My heart does a happy somersault, and I have to remind myself that this isn't a happy occasion, that we're still broken up. "Hi."
"You were … brilliant." Those beautiful eyes go a bit glassy. "Absolutely beautiful."
"You were in the audience?" I whisper.
"Where the fuck else would I be?" But he doesn't sound angry, just sad. Then his voice thickens and he murmurs, "How many?"
Confusion slides through me. "How many what?"
"How many guys have you dated this week?"
I jerk in surprise. "None," I blurt out before I can stop myself.
And I regret it instantly, because a knowing glimmer fills his eyes. "Yeah, I didn't think so."
"Garrett-"
"Here's the thing, Wellsy," he interrupts. "I've had seven whole days to think about this breakup. The first night? I got wasted. Seriously fucking trashed."
A jolt of panic hits me, because it suddenly occurs to me that he might have hooked up with someone else when he was drunk, and the thought of Garrett with another girl kills me.
But then he keeps talking and my anxiety eases. "After that, I sobered up and wised up and decided to make better use of my time. So … I've had seven whole days to analyze and reanalyze what happened between us, to dissect what went wrong, to reexamine every word you said that night … " He slants his head. "Do you want to know the conclusion I reached?"
God, I'm terrified to hear it.
When I don't answer, he smiles. "My conclusion is that you lied to me. I don't know why you did it, but trust me, I intend to find out."
"I didn't lie," I lie. "We really were moving too fast for me. And I really do want to see other people.
"Uh-huh. Really?"
I put on my most insistent tone. "Really."
Garrett goes quiet for a moment. Then he reaches out and lightly strokes my cheek before pulling back and saying, "I'll believe it when I see it."
42
Hannah
CHRISTMAS BREAK DOESN'T come soon enough. I am literally a mess as I board the plane to Philly-dressed in sweats, sporting bedhead, and covered with stress zits. Since the showcase, I've run into Garrett three times. Once at the Coffee Hut, once in the quad, and once outside the Ethics lecture hall when I came to pick up my graded paper. All three times, he asked me how many guys I've dated since our breakup.
All three times, I panicked, blurted out some excuse about being late, and ran off like a coward.
Here's the thing about breaking up with someone under false pretenses. They don't buy your bullshit unless you actually turn around and do the thing you said you wanted to do. In my case, I need to be dating a whole bunch of randoms and getting my exploration on, because that's what I told Garrett I wanted, and if I don't put my money where my mouth is, he'll know something's up.
I suppose I could ask someone out. Go on a very public date that Garrett will no doubt hear about and convince the guy I love that I've moved on. But the thought of being with anyone other than Garrett makes me want to throw up.
Fortunately, I don't have to worry about any of that right now. I've gotten a reprieve, because I'll be spending the next three weeks with my family.
I get on the plane, and for the first time since Garrett's father issued his punishing ultimatum, I'm finally able to breathe.
SEEING MY PARENTS is just what I needed. Don't get me wrong, I still think about Garrett non-stop, but it's a lot easier to distract myself from the heartache when I'm baking Christmas cookies with my dad or being dragged into the city for a day of shopping with my mom and aunt.
On our second night in Philly, I told my mom about Garrett. Or rather, she wrestled it out of me after she caught me moping in the guest room. She informed me that I looked like a hobo who'd just crawled out from under the boardwalk and proceeded to shove me in the shower and force me to brush my hair. After that, I spilled my guts, which prompted Mom to launch what she's now calling Operation Holiday Cheer. In other words, she's crammed a gazillion holiday activities down my throat, and I love her dearly for it.
I'm not looking forward to going back to Briar in three days, where Garrett is undoubtedly planning his own not-so-covert op-Operation Get Hannah To Admit She Was Lying. I just know he's going to try to win me back.
I also know it won't take much effort on his part. All he has to do is look at me with those gorgeous gray eyes, flash that crooked grin of his, and I'll break down in tears, throw my arms around him, and tell him everything.
I miss him.
"Hey, sweetie, are you coming down to watch the ball drop with us?" Mom appears in the doorway and holds up a bowl of popcorn enticingly, and I'm reminded of the first time I spent the night at Garrett's, when we stuffed ourselves full of popcorn and watched hours of television.
"Yeah, I'll be down soon," I answer. "I just want to change into comfy clothes."
Once she walks off, I climb off the bed and dig around in my suitcase for a pair of yoga pants. I wiggle out of my skinny jeans and replace them with the soft cotton pants, then head downstairs to the living room, where my parents, my aunt and uncle, and their friends Bill and Susan are all lounging on the L-shaped couches.
I'm spending New Year's Eve with three middle-aged couples.
Par-ty.
"So, Hannah," Susan pipes up, "your mother was just telling me that you won a prestigious scholarship recently."
I feel myself blushing. "I don't know about prestigious. I mean, they give them out every year for the winter and spring showcases. But yeah, I did win."
Take that, Cass Donovan, my inner smug monster shouts.
I hadn't planned on going back to the auditorium after I ran into Garrett at the showcase, but Fiona ended up catching me just as I was trying to sneak out and dragged me back to the stage. And yep, I can't deny that hearing my name announced at the scholarship ceremony gave me a total victory high. And I'll never forget the outrage on Cass's face when he realized they hadn't called his name.
Now I'm five grand richer, and my parents can take a breather because I'll be able to pay my residence and meal expenses on my own for this upcoming semester.
At ten to midnight, Uncle Mark puts an end to our chatter by unmuting the television so we can watch the Times Square celebration. Aunt Nicole hands out cardboard noisemakers with pink streamers on them while my mother passes around handfuls of confetti to everyone. My family is cheesy, but I wouldn't trade them for anything in the world.
My eyes are surprisingly misty as we all count down along with the announcer on the TV. Then again, maybe the tears aren't surprising, because when the clock reaches zero and everyone screams "HAPPY NEW YEAR!" I remember that the strike of midnight doesn't just indicate the start of a new year.
January 1st is also Garrett's birthday.
I clamp my lips together to stop the rush of tears, forcing a laugh as my father spins me around in his arms and kisses my cheek. "Happy New Year, princess."
"Happy New Year, Dad."
His green eyes soften when he notices my sad expression. "Aw, kiddo, why don't you pick up the phone and call that poor boy already? It's New Year's Eve."
My jaw drops, and then I swivel my head at my mother. "You told him?"
She at least has the decency to look guilty. "He asked why you were mopey. I couldn't not tell him."
My dad chuckles. "Oh, don't blame your mom, Han. I figured it out all by myself. You've been so miserable I knew it had to be boy trouble. Now go wish him a happy new year. You'll regret it if you don't."
I sigh. But I know he's right.
My pulse speeds up as I hurry upstairs. I fish my cell phone out of my purse, then hesitate, because really, this is not a good idea. I broke up with him. I'm supposed to be moving on and seeing other people and blah fucking blah.