The Deal (Off Campus #1)(17)

"Why don't you drive?" I ask weakly. "It's not that long … " Uh-huh, just a fifteen-hour drive. Not long at all.

"If we do that, your father will need to book more time off, and he can't afford to give up the hours."

I bite my lip to keep the tears at bay. "Maybe I can … " I quickly  calculate how much savings I've got. Definitely not enough for three  plane tickets to Philly.

But it is enough for one ticket to Ransom.

"I can fly home," I whisper.

"No." Her response is swift and unequivocal. "You don't have to do that, Hannah."

"It's just for one weekend." I'm trying to convince myself, not her.  Trying to ignore the panic that claws its way up my throat at the  thought of going back there. "We don't have to drive into town or see  anyone. I can just hang out at the house with you and Dad."

There's another long pause. "Is that what you really want? Because if it  is, then we'll welcome you home with open arms, you know that, sweetie.  But if you're not one hundred percent comfortable with it, then I want  you to stay at Briar."

Comfortable? I'm not sure it's possible for me to ever feel comfortable  in Ransom again. I was a pariah before I left, and the one time I came  back to visit, my father landed in jail for assault. So no, going back  is about as appealing as cutting off my arm and feeding it to wolves.

My silence, however brief, is all the answer my mother needs. "You're  not coming back," she says sternly. "Your dad and I would love to see  you on Thanksgiving, but I'm not putting my own happiness ahead of  yours, Hannah." Her voice cracks. "It's bad enough that we're still  living in this godforsaken town. There's no reason for you to ever step  foot here again."

Yeah, no reason for me to do that at all. Except for my parents. You  know, the people who raised me, who love me unconditionally, who stood  by me through the most horrific experience of my life.

And who are now stuck in a place where everyone despises them … because of me.

God, I want them to be free of that town. I feel so guilty that I was  able to leave, and worse, that I left them behind. They're planning on  moving the first chance they get, but the real estate market has been on  a downswing, and with the second mortgage they took in order to pay our  legal fees, they'll go bankrupt if they try to sell the house now. And  although the renovations my dad is doing will boost the house's value,  they're also taking money out of his pocket in the meantime.





  

I swallow the lump in my throat, wishing like hell that circumstances  were different. "I'll send you the money I've got saved up," I whisper.  "You can put it toward the mortgage."

The fact that she doesn't object tells me they're in an even worse position than they've been letting on.

"And if I win the showcase scholarship," I add, "I'll be able to pay my  residence and meal fees for next year, so you and Dad won't have to  worry about it." I know that will help them out even more, because the  full scholarship I got from Briar only covers my tuition. My folks have  been taking care of the other expenses.

"Hannah, I don't want you worrying about money. Your dad and I will be  okay, I promise. Once we finish the updates on the house, we'll be in a  much better position to list it. In the meantime, I want you to enjoy  college, sweetie. Stop worrying about us, and start focusing on you."  Her tone becomes playful. "Are there any new boyfriends I should know  about?"

I smile to myself. "Nope."

"Oh come on, there has to be someone you're interested in."

My cheeks heat up as I think about Justin. "Well. There is. I mean,  we're not dating or anything, but I wouldn't be against it. If he was  interested."

Mom laughs. "Then ask him out."

Why does everyone think that's so easy for me to do?

"Yeah, maybe. You know me, I like to take things slow." Or rather, not  at all. I haven't gone on a single date since Devon and I broke up last  year.

I quickly change the subject. "Tell me about that new manager you were  bitching about in your last email. It sounds like he's driving you  nuts."

We chat about Mom's cashier job for a while, though it hurts like hell  to hear about it. She used to be an elementary school teacher, but she'd  been let go after my scandal, and the bastards in the school system had  even found a loophole that made it possible for them to pay her the  shittiest severance possible. Which had gone straight to my family's  mountain of debt-and had barely made a dent in it.

Mom tells me about my dad's new obsession with building model planes,  regales me with the antics of our dog, and bores me with details of the  vegetable garden she's planting in the spring. Noticeably absent from  the conversation is any mention of friends or dinners in town or the  community events all small towns are known for. Because like me, my  parents are also the town pariahs.

Unlike me, they didn't race out of Indiana like their asses were on fire.

In my defense, I had desperately needed a fresh start.

I just wish they were able to get one, too.

By the time we hang up, I'm caught between overwhelming joy and profound  sorrow. I love talking to my mother, but knowing I won't see her and  Dad on Thanksgiving makes me want to cry.

Fortunately, Allie pops into my bedroom before I surrender to the  sadness and end up spending the rest of the day bawling in bed. "Hey,"  she says cheerfully. "Wanna grab breakfast in town? Tracy says we can  take her car."

"Only if we go anywhere but Della's." There's nothing worse than eating  where you work, especially since more often than not, Della ropes me  into staying for a shift.

Allie rolls her eyes. "There's nowhere else that serves breakfast. But fine. Let's just eat in the dining hall."

I hop out of bed, and Allie hops right into it, sprawling on the blanket as I walk to the dresser to grab some clothes.

"Who were you on the phone with? Your mom?"

"Yeah." I slip a soft blue sweater over my head and smooth out the hem. "I'm not seeing them for Thanksgiving."

"Aw, I'm sorry, babe." Allie sits up. "Why don't you come to New York with me?"

It's a tempting offer, but I promised my mom I'd send her money, and I  don't want to completely deplete my savings account by blowing it on a  train ticket and a weekend in New York. "I can't afford it," I answer  ruefully.

"Crap. I'd pay your way if I could, but I'm broke because of that Mexico trip me and Sean took in the spring."

"I wouldn't let you pay for me, anyway." I grin. "We're going to be  starving artists when we graduate, remember? We need to save all the  pennies we can."

She sticks out her tongue. "No way. We're going to be famous right out  of the gate. You'll sign a multi-record deal, and I'll be starring in a  rom-com alongside Ryan Gosling. Who, by the way, will fall madly in love  with me. And then we'll live in a Malibu beach house together."





  

"You and me?"

"No, me and Ryan. You can come visit, though. You know, when you're not hanging out with Beyoncé and Lady Gaga."

I laugh. "You do dream big."

"It'll happen, babe. Just you watch."

I sincerely hope so, especially for Allie's sake. She's planning on  moving out to L.A. the second she graduates, and honestly, I can totally  picture her starring in a romantic comedy. She's not Angelina  Jolie-beautiful, but she's got a cute, fresh-faced look and comedic  timing that would play well in those quirky romantic roles. The only  thing that worries me is … well, she's too soft. Allie Hayes is hands-down  the most compassionate person I've ever met. She turned down a free  ride to UCLA's drama program in order to stay on the east coast because  her father has multiple sclerosis and she wanted to be able to get to  New York at a moment's notice if he ever needed her.

Sometimes I'm afraid Hollywood will eat her alive, but she's as strong  as she is sweet, and she's also the most ambitious person I've ever met,  so if anyone can make their dreams come true, it's Allie.

"Let me brush my teeth and wash up, and then we can go." I glance over  my shoulder on my way to the door. "Are you around tonight? I'm tutoring  until six, but I thought we could watch some Mad Men afterward."

She shakes her head. "I'm having dinner with Sean. I'll probably crash at his place tonight."

A grin tugs on my lips. "So you guys are getting serious again, huh?"  Allie and Sean have broken up three times since freshman year, but the  two of them always seem to wind up in each other's arms again.

"I think so," she admits as she follows me into the common room. "We've  both grown up a lot since the last break-up. But I'm not really thinking  about the future. We're good together right now, and that's good enough  for me." She winks. "And it doesn't hurt that the sex is  fan-fucking-tastic."

I muster up another smile, but deep down, I can't help but wonder what that feels like. The fantastic sex part.