The Darkest Corner (Gravediggers #1)(66)

"Now, hold on," Deacon interrupted. "That's not true. I've had the hots for you for two years. And what I told you today has nothing to do with the other. You're the one who wasn't ready to see me. I hated with all my soul to watch you put on a brave face while all your dreams were ripped away. I hated watching how you'd walk into a crowded room and people would whisper about you the minute you turned your back. You had your guard up as high as it would go. I was waiting until the right moment.

"Not to mention that there's more at stake for me and you both if we become involved. It's one thing to have a quick fling and be done with it. It's another to have a relationship. You think there's no loopholes or consequences of having a relationship? I want you more than I can ever remember wanting anything, Tess. And to want you and act on it means that both our lives are forfeit if my identity is ever discovered or I'm ever captured."

"This doesn't make any sense," she said, throwing her arms up. "Why are you telling me all this now? Why are you allowed to? You just told me you've spent your entire career lying, even to your own parents. You must think I'm an idiot for it to not cross my mind that you're lying, for whatever reason, to me right now. If this is a covert ops group that not even the president is aware of, why are you telling nobody Tess Sherman from Nowhere, Texas?"

"You mean the funny, smart-ass, brilliant, kind, sexy Tess Sherman? The one whose taste is on my tongue and who I want to be inside of more than I want to breathe?"

Tess swiped a tear from her cheek, her face heating at the intensity of his words. "Why are you breaking the rules for me?" 

"Because you're worth it. Because we are currently facing down the single most horrific terrorist attack the world has ever known, and I'd rather have you by my side than far from me. Because you're brilliant. Because you speak Russian and you could be an asset. Because you crave adventure and something more than Last Stop can offer you, but you feel duty bound to stay. You don't really want to leave. This place is in your blood. It's your heart. And lastly, because I need you. I've chosen to ignore orders and tell you more than I should have. It wasn't a chance I even took with my own parents. But I can't, and won't, lie to you. You've been lied to too much in your life."

"How? How did you know what I'd told Miller? About my past with men?"

He sighed and she wrapped her arms around herself protectively.

"We've got cameras everywhere. Inside the house, around the property, and at points of entry into the town."

"My bedroom?" she said, bringing her hand to her mouth.

"No, the third floor is a dead zone. The camera range only extends to the top of the stairs on the third floor. It's for everyone's protection."

"You were protecting me by listening in on private conversations between me and my best friend?" Now she was really fuming. "You've been listening all along?" She practically screamed the last two words, her vision going slightly blurry with rage.

"No, we haven't," he assured her, but her anger was too great. "Colin had the volume up because you were baking and you have a tendency to set things on fire. But that's no excuse. I'm sorry," he said. "I really am. I can promise it won't happen again. I'll make sure of it. We all feel protective of you. When you started talking about Henry . . ." He shrugged, looking uncomfortable.

Tess was going to commit murder. "I don't give two figs about Henry. I never did. The only reason I agreed to marry him was because I had this idea in my head of what a family was supposed to be. And I wanted it. I want a bunch of children who will one day come home for Christmas and bring their families. I want a husband I can share things with and talk to. It might not have been the great passion of the century, but I'd hoped we could at least be friends."

"You deserve the great passion of the century. You deserve all those things. I'm asking you to stay, Tess. There's a place for you here, in our own unusual family. You belong here until you're ready to make your own."

She blew out a breath and relaxed her arms. A cool head was what was needed now, so she took a couple more breaths and released them. The sun had all but disappeared, leaving nothing but violent streaks of pink as it vanished behind the lake.

"I honestly don't know what to tell you right now," she said. "I want to go home and get warm. And I want some time alone to think. I can't talk about any of this until I think."

"However much time you need," he said. "Just knock at the carriage house when you're ready to talk. We're prepping for a mission now. We actually leave for Russia next week. Those Russian terrorists I was telling you about are Mafiya. You could help us do a lot of the prep work. We speak Russian, but there are words and phrases we're unfamiliar with."