The Cowgirl's Little Secret(23)

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Jolie stared at the rack of Halloween costumes. Where had time gone? How could Halloween be a week away? She and Cord were dating-sort of. And he hadn't mentioned her drunken confession-thankfully, though he'd dumped her and run, rescheduling their dinner for the next night. Still, she would have been mortified if he'd thrown her admission in her face. Instead, he pushed for more in their relationship.

In general, though, she didn't allow Cord to spend the night; they used his place as a stopover for sex before he took her home. With the arrival of cooler weather, he grumbled about getting out of a warm bed. She knew he wanted more from her. He wanted a commitment-one she wasn't ready to give. She hadn't forgiven him for breaking up with her, and wasn't sure she ever wanted to.

Her focus had to be CJ, what was good for her son. She had such mixed feelings about Cord-and his family. CJ was no longer the shy little boy clinging to her hand when she dropped him off at preschool. As much as she hated to admit it, Cord's influence had something to do with that. Okay, he had a lot to do with it.

They did guy things together-Cord and CJ. They'd gone fishing. He'd taught CJ to ride, and her son was turning into a cowboy fanatic. He refused to wear anything but Western boots-just like his dad's. Jeans were de rigueur. They both had black felt Stetsons, creased and shaped identically. Cord had a picture of them dressed up-same hats, shirts, belt buckles, jeans and boots. They were two peas in a pod, and he displayed the framed photo on his desk for everyone to see. He was so dang proud of being a dad.

Cord got to be the good guy, the parent who gave treats and fun times. She was the parent stuck with the responsibility. She administered time-outs and bedtimes, and said no. Whenever CJ returned from one of their outings, it was "Daddy this" and "Daddy that" and "Daddy and me." Her son had no room in his thoughts for her. She was losing him as Cord seduced CJ away with promises and presents.                       
       
           



       

She didn't want Cord in her life. Did she? Oh, the sex between them was as hot as it had always been. But sex wasn't enough. She'd thought they had something back in college. Something real and permanent. Boy howdy, had she been wrong about that. And her easy seduction of him on that fateful St. Patrick's Day was proof. The man's brains all resided below his fancy Western belt buckle. And no matter how good he looked in those butt-hugging jeans he favored, no matter how sweet he was to her son, Cord was still Cord Barron. The Barrons were...Barrons. Egotistical. Overbearing. Thinking they were entitled to anything they wanted. No matter how much Cord professed to have changed, had he? And what about Cyrus Barron? He was bound to find out about CJ sooner than later. What then? What would Cord do? But more important, how could she let CJ be around the hateful old man who was his grandfather simply because they shared DNA?

Jolie couldn't figure out why-or when-her thoughts had turned so negative where Cord was concerned. Being honest, she could admit that since he'd dumped her at home, left to Mrs. Corcoran's tender mercies after getting drunk, she tended to snarl whenever thoughts of him cropped up. She didn't discuss her feelings with him. He said he knew her. He should know what was bothering her. And besides, it was just like a man to cut and run. Especially this one. He had the history for it. Things got tough? Cord Barron disappeared. Except he hadn't yet. He wanted to officially acknowledge CJ, make things legal. She panicked at the idea. She didn't want to hand over that kind of control to him.

Noise filtered back into her consciousness, and she shook away the negative thoughts. Halloween was coming and CJ needed a costume. Jolie flicked through the nearly empty rack and pulled out an Iron Man suit and held it up. CJ shook his head, arms folded stubbornly across his chest. What happened to September? There was no way Halloween should be right around the corner. Oh, wait...Cord. He'd filled her time-even when he gave her time off from CJ. In fact, Cord had volunteered to escort CJ and some of his friends when they went trick-or-treating, but she wanted to go, too. She checked the size on the Spider-Man costume.

"No, Mommy. I don't wanna be a superhero."

"Fine. Then what do you want to be?"

"I told you. I wanna be a cowboy. Like Daddy." He shoved his hands in his pockets and slid her a sly glance from the corner of his eyes.

She didn't like that look at all. "What?"

"Nothin'."

"CJ?" She used her this-is-your-only-warning voice when she said his name.

"If I go as a cowboy, Daddy might bring a horse."

Jolie did not want to ask. She inhaled, but then screwed her eyes shut and exhaled, knowing she'd regret it. She had to ask anyway. "A real horse?"

"Uh-huh." CJ's eyes crinkled from his ear-to-ear grin. "How cool is that, Mommy? I told all my friends. We're all gonna be cowboys!"

Oh, boy. She didn't know whether to kill Cord or leave him to the mercy of his son's disappointment. Making outlandish promises always had consequences, and the sooner Cord figured that out, the better. He'd worked really hard at spending time with CJ and managing to act like a father-at least the times he wasn't trying to win her over. If she didn't stay on top of things, Cord would spoil their son rotten without a second thought. He needed to learn not to do that because she wasn't going to clean up his messes whenever he brought CJ home. She would not be painted as the bad guy because she made and enforced the rules. As much as she didn't want to, she had to sit down with Cord and spell out the ground rules.

If she was honest with herself, she needed to spell out the rules to herself, as well. She didn't mean to fall into his easy trap. He was always there, wanting to see CJ...to see her. It was easy to be with him as if time hadn't passed, as if he hadn't broken her heart, as if she hadn't broken his. How did one get over that? She didn't think there was enough superglue in the whole world to mend her heart. Despite Cord's sweetness and apparent concern-now. She swallowed her frustration. He'd always been sweet, but she couldn't trust him to stay.                       
       
           



       

Her cell phone buzzed with the chorus from Kelly Clarkson's "Since U Been Gone." Speak of the devil. She swiped her finger across the face of the phone, her lip curling far enough to wrinkle her nose as she answered, "What do you want?"

Warm laughter filled her ear before Cord's voice followed. "I think you miss me, sunshine."

"Don't flatter yourself. What the heck did you promise CJ about Halloween?"

Silence. She couldn't even hear him breathe. He finally replied, his tone cautious. "Halloween?"

"You're coming to take him trick-or-treating, yes?"

"Yes." Cord drew out the word, making it sound like two syllables.

"He wants to be a cowboy."

"And?" Again, two syllables.

"Are you bringing him a horse?" Silence again. She was ready to light into him when she heard a deep inhalation.

"Not exactly?"

"Don't answer a question with a question, Cord. What did you say?"

"Ah...didn't you just answer a-"

"Shut up, Cord." Her exasperation leaked out. Why did she have to be the only adult? "Just explain, okay?"

"Okay. I told CJ that we could have a Halloween party at the ranch. We'd do a hayride and the kids could ride horses in the corral."

"Without asking me?" She made sure her voice sounded frigid. How dare he do this! The man kept insinuating himself into her son's life. Despite all his sweet words and good intentions, she wondered at his real motivations. Deep down, she realized, she didn't entirely trust Cord.

"Uh...not exactly? I told him that we'd talk to you. And that if there wasn't enough time to do it for Halloween, then we'd do it for his birthday."

A band tightened around Jolie's chest, cutting off any air she might be able to suck into her lungs. His birthday? Cord was making plans for CJ's birthday and hadn't bothered to ask her? "You're presuming a helluva lot."

"Bad Mommy. That's a dollar in the swear jar."

She'd forgotten CJ was standing there listening to her. "I can't talk now. We'll discuss this later."

"By which you mean that you'll dictate terms to me and expect me to fall in line. That's not going to work anymore, Jolie. I've been patient, but now I want things official. I want to be CJ's father legally. I'll pick you up for dinner tonight. We'll go somewhere quiet where we can talk this through."

Dead air. He'd hung up on her. Before she could hang up on him. She grabbed CJ's hand without a word and turned toward the exit.

"I don't wanna go. Mommy." He braced his feet and pulled back against her grip.

People stared, some stopping and turning to watch. Jolie closed her eyes and breathed deeply to center herself. When had she become such a raging shrew? Easy answer-the moment Cord had walked back into her life. Even if he'd been strapped to a gurney and almost dead at the time. She knelt down and curled her fingers over CJ's shoulders. "Look, Mommy is very angry at your father right now. I shouldn't take it out on you, but do me a favor, okay? Just c'mon. No fighting. No whining."