The Cowboy's Baby(42)

She now found herself in a very precarious position: unsure of how she felt towards a man who she would soon have to let go. And that didn’t even take into account how she felt about the developing child within her. She had no doubt that Daniel would love his son to within an inch of his life…but the baby would grow up without a mother. And try as she might, Esme couldn’t keep from inserting herself into the position even against her better judgement.

She wasn’t ready to be a mother.

She wasn’t the motherly type.

But for Daniel…she could be. The man was gentle, kind, and generous, He was everything, in her opinion, that wealth and privilege should have stolen from him. Could anyone really blame her for how she felt?

Now, as her eyes hovered on a adorable onesie in the shop window, she knew she was overstepping her boundaries. She wasn’t the baby’s mother – only a vessel – and so she had no right to wonder what the soft, sweet infant would look like in colors of cream and blue. How he would sound when he cooed in delight at his father’s smile – or what his mouth would feel like latched onto her breast.

“It’s cute.”

She was startled from her reverie by Daniel’s low voice in her ear. He pointed to the piece she’d been admiring with a wry smile. “That one, right? I like it.” He took her hand, making to lead her into the shop. “Let’s go get it.”

Esme stopped short, her eyes wide. When she didn’t move, Daniel looked back to her with a brow arched. “What’s the matter, darlin?”

Slowly, the young woman shook her head, apprehension welling in her chest. “No…you go ahead. I’ll wait outside.”

Daniel’s smile was soft and inviting. “Esme, come in with me. It’ll only take a minute, I swear.”

“No!” The word came out sharper than she’d intended as she slipped her hand from his; and when the man’s expression fell, guilt consumed her. Taking a deep breath, she tried again. “I’m sorry, Daniel, I just…I mean…shopping for a baby…that’s a mother’s duty, right? A parent’s duty? I wouldn’t want to intrude.”

For a moment, Daniel’s expression was unreadable. Then, slowly, he came back to her, taking both her hands in his own to tug her back in the direction of the shop, despite her protests. The interior smelled of lavender and roses, and she was suddenly surrounded by baby clothes and accessories. The young woman struggled not to be overwhelmed by the accoutrement that surrounded her.

This wasn’t her baby.

It wasn’t.

“Esme, look at me.” Her gaze jerked up to Daniel’s as he spoke to her lowly, his voice tinged with grief. “This baby isn’t going to have a mother. I’m not going to put myself…or the child in a position to be hurt like that. There’s no one to shop for him or her. No mother’s kind, doing words or excitement. Just me…and the overwhelming pressure not to fail in the one opportunity I’ve always wanted.” He gestured around the store, with its assorted racks of infant clothing in a myriad of shades. “And I think I’ve done enough of this alone. Help me, please? It’s not intruding if I ask, is it?”

For an instant, Esme’s heart was in her throat.

A part of her wanted to flee – to run back out to the car and shed the tears that threatened thickly at the back of her throat. But that would do her no good in this situation. Daniel would follow her, and he would want to know what was wrong.

And she couldn’t possibly tell him.

Better for her to do as he wanted – to help him. She would pick out a few pieces, and then they would leave. It was nothing she couldn’t handle. Taking a deep breath, she swallowed the pain in her chest and forced a smile – for his sake.

“I guess not.”

“Thank you, Esme.” Daniel’s answering grin took her breath away. God, did the man have any idea how incomparably gorgeous he was? His offspring were going to be beautiful.

Esme’s intention was just to pick out the jumpsuit she’d seen in the window, but when the saleswoman immediately joined her, showing her other pieces – each more adorable than the last, Esme found herself lost in a grand profusion of tiny jumpers and matched sets, seeing each one, in her mind’s eye, swaddling a baby with golden hair and bright blue eyes.

She was quiet the entire way home, staring out of the window as the lush landscape rolled past. Esme struggled to take her mind from the bags in the back seat, instead rubbing her stomach almost absently as she contemplated that her time with Daniel was almost over. Three more months – maybe less. Babies were unpredictable that way.