I tried to understand how Drake was feeling. He actually thought I'd fuck Kurt? How could he even imagine I'd do that? I was one of the least promiscuous women I knew of all my friends growing up. I could count my lovers on one hand. I was far too shy about sex to just sleep with a man, even one I'd already had sex with.
Didn't Drake understand that? How could he begin to think I'd sleep with Kurt? Out of the blue?
I didn’t understand a man's mind if that was the case. I thought Drake was so intelligent and rational. I thought he knew me better than that.
If anyone was going to cheat, it would be him who grew tired of me.
I sat in the darkness and cried to myself, wiping away my tears. Now, I had no idea where Drake was or if he'd left me forever. I heard a blip on my phone indicating a text and grabbed my bag, rifling through the contents to find my phone.
It was my father.
Katie, where are you? Drake called here looking for you. It's not like you to take off and not tell anyone where you are. Are you two having a lover's quarrel? Is everything OK?
I'll tell you the same thing I told Drake – take my advice and make up quickly. Don't sleep apart because of a disagreement – not even one night. Your mother and I did that too many times and now I regret every night I spent away from her. As much as I love Elaine, your mother was the love of my life. I thought we'd grow old together. I had no idea she'd be taken from me so soon.
Text me as soon as you get this. And for God's sake, text Drake because he's very upset.
There was no text from Drake and so I wondered why he'd call my father. He must have gone back to the apartment in Chelsea and found that I wasn't there. He must have panicked, thinking I'd left him.
I texted him, not caring that it was me who was making the first contact between us.
Drake, I came to 8th Avenue looking for you. I'm still here. Come to me. I don’t want to ever be apart from you. Not one night. I love you.
I waited, anxious for his reply. If he'd seemed upset to my father, surely he'd be happy to hear from me. When his text came, I had to read it over several times.
Katherine, I want you waiting for me, blindfolded, naked, kneeling on the floor by the bed. I'm going to spank you. And then I'm going to fuck you. You're going to take it without complaint.
Do you understand?
What? He was going to spank me? I thought we'd already gone through all this. He was going to spank me? He wanted to do a scene?
All I wanted was to be with him. I wanted us to be together. He wanted to reestablish our power exchange. He really did think he'd been too lenient with me and that was the problem.
I sat debating with myself. Should I just take it, like he said? If I didn’t, would that mean our relationship was over? Could I make my own demands or was this a time to submit?
I was so confused.
I don't want you to spank me.
His response was immediate.
Of course you don't but I have to. Trust me on this, Katherine.
I chewed my nail, debating.
What if I break up with you because of it?
He texted right back.
We'll break up if I don't. I realize now that this relationship won't work unless we follow the rules we drew up and committed to when we signed the agreement. The rules are there for a reason. Both of us need them. We can't be just a vanilla couple. I can't be a vanilla boyfriend, Katherine. I might try, but I'd fail and you'd eventually be dissatisfied. I'm a Dominant and you want submission in the bedroom, even if you haven't completely accepted what that means yet. We have to follow the rules or neither of us will be happy.
If you love me – if you really love me – the Dominant I am inside – you'll accept this and obey just as I have to accept that you really want submission underneath your uncertainty. You need my dominance to feel free.
I closed my eyes and bit my lip. Could I accept his command and obey? If I did, what would that mean?
Oh, fuck. I analyzed things too much. I had to go with my heart and my heart screamed that I couldn’t stand to lose Drake. I wasn't ready to say goodbye to him. When I signed the agreement in the hotel room in the Bahamas, I did agree that he could punish me if I disobeyed his rules. He had every right to expect me to be completely open and honest about anything to do with our relationship. That was a necessity for power exchange to work. Trust. I had kept something from him, three things from him – deliberately.
I will obey.
It took a minute for him to respond, as if he didn't believe I'd agree.
Be waiting for me as I described. Be prepared to be spanked, Katherine. Then, be prepared to be fucked. I'll be there in 15.
I went to the bedroom, undressed despite the chill in the air, knelt on a pillow by the head of the bed, fastened a tie around my eyes to act as a blindfold, and waited.