"So you have no proof that you were home that early? Dave said you left with Kurt."
"I didn't," I said, trying to think of who saw me come in to the building. "There's the concierge in the entry. You could ask him."
"God, Kate, do I really have to check with the doorman to know if you're telling me the truth?"
"Why would you doubt me?"
He turned away, as if he couldn't stand to even look at me, his chest heaving. Finally, he turned back, his face pale. "Why would I doubt you? Because you didn't fucking tell me the truth right away, that's why. Dave had to tell me."
"It meant nothing. I didn't want to upset you over nothing. You've been through so much with Liam and the transplant and being sick. You were so tired…"
He shook his head, not meeting my eyes. "Is every fucking woman going to cheat on me?" he muttered, loud enough for me to hear him. "Didn't I pay enough attention to you? Couldn’t you wait until I recovered?"
"Couldn't I wait?" I said. "What do you mean?"
I couldn't stand it any longer. I crawled onto his lap, my arms around his neck, tears in my eyes. He remained stiff, not responding to me.
"Drake, don't do this," I said, my voice breaking. "Kurt means nothing to me. Nothing."
"Did he touch you?"
"What do you mean, did he touch me? He grabbed my arm, he touched my cheek. I didn’t touch him. We spoke for five minutes and I left. Alone."
He said nothing, shaking his head slowly, his gaze moving over my face.
"Did you fuck him? Just for old time's sake?" His face was blank, but I could see something like fear in his eyes. Or pain. Mostly fury, his face blanched, his lips pressed thin.
"What?" I said, pulling back in horror.
"Tell me the truth, Katherine. At least tell me the goddamned truth."
"Do you really, seriously think I'd just fuck some man?"
"Kurt isn’t just some man. He was your lover. I know how these things go."
"No, stop for a moment and think," I said, panic rising in me. "Do you really think I could fuck Kurt? I need to know."
He shrugged, his face blanched. "I don't know. The paper said he was your escort. You left with him. You were home late. You have needs…"
"Drake, that’s insane. If you can even think that might happen, you don’t know me at all. I would never do that."
"How would I know? We've only been together for four months. You're still so young. Who knows what hidden kinks you might have."
I felt like pulling my hair out. "It's the truth," I said, stroking my hands through his hair, my eyes brimming. "I left at 6:00 and was back here at 6:15. I was so happy to get away from Kurt and back to you."
"Why didn't you wake me up?"
"You were sick!"
I finally caught his eyes with mine, and he was so upset, his eyes wet.
"Oh, God, Drake," I said, almost sobbing. "Nothing happened."
"You have to always tell me the truth, Katherine," he said, his voice low, as if he was starting to regain control over himself. But something changed in him at that moment. "You have to tell me right away. I have to know you're being completely honest with me, completely open. I can't have any doubt ever," he said, slicing his hand sideways like a blade. "I can't."
"You don't have to doubt me," I said, my voice breaking once more. "I love you. More than anything. More than I ever thought possible." I kissed him, my hands on either side of his face, but his mouth was unyielding, his lips pressed firmly together, his body tense beneath mine. I pulled away, desperate for him to understand. "Drake, I love only you." I kissed him again. "Only you."
"Why, Kate? I let you in," he said as he stared at me. "I let you in."
His eyes, usually so clear blue were now bloodshot. They burned into mine, his brow furrowed as if he still didn't know whether to believe me. I had to look away because his expression was so pained.
He tilted my chin up so that I was forced to either close my eyes like a child or look in his. I finally relented. Then he pulled me against him, burying his face in my neck and pressed me down on the couch. We lay there in silence for long moments, his hands confining mine, his face in the crook of my neck.
Finally, I heard him sigh heavily. "Why didn't you tell me right away?"
"I knew you were jealous. You told me you were jealous. I was afraid you'd misunderstand."
He exhaled. "Kate, I can't stop men from hitting on you. But you have to trust me completely and tell me when they do. No secrets. It's absolutely necessary for this to work. I've been lied to. I've been cheated on. I can't have it. I won't take it."