The Commitment(44)

Liam had looked so weak that night at the hospital, his tiny face as pale as the sheets, his head bald from the chemo, a tube for oxygen threaded around his face. How wonderful that he might be able to save his son's life.

Finally, Drake released me. "I'll be right back," he said. "I'm going to send an email to Michael in Nairobi that I'm a match and will have to give up my OR time."

I followed him to where he kept an old computer, on a desk in the dining room. "That's too bad, Drake. I know you wanted to help out." I stood in the doorway and watched as he opened the laptop on the desk.

He shook his head. "What's a surgical slate compared to a son's life?"

Then, his cell phone rang back in the living room, the trill urgent.

"Can you get that?" he asked as he checked his email.

"Yes, sure," I said and went back to the living room to his cell phone to check the caller ID. It was Maureen.

"Hello," I said. "Kate McDermott speaking."

Maureen's voice was soft, almost relieved. "Is Drake there? Tell him this is important."

"Just a minute." I walked to the office, handing him the cell.

"It's Maureen."

Drake took the phone.

"Hey," he said, running a hand through his hair. "Yeah, I just got the news. I'm so pleased." He listened for a moment. "No, it's no problem. I'm glad to help. Anything to help."

Maureen spoke for a while.

"I will," he said, his voice sounding a bit irritated. "I understand." He frowned. "No, I said I understand. You don't have to worry. Chris is his father. I'm a total stranger." His voice was filling with emotion the more he spoke. He exhaled. "I'm meeting with Burke and will make the arrangements. Thanks for calling."

He hung up and stood there, shaking his head.

"What's the matter?"

"She wanted to remind me," he said and his voice broke for a moment. He took in a deep breath as if calming himself, his hands on his hips. "She wanted to remind me that this didn't change anything. I'm still not going to be part of Liam's life. As if I don't already know that. Jesus, she must think I'm a real idiot."

He turned away and leaned against the windowsill, watching the cars on the street below.

I took in a deep breath and went to him. "That wasn't very nice of her, especially considering how cooperative you are."

He sighed. "She doesn't want to screw things up with Chris. He was shocked to learn Liam wasn’t his. It meant she was still fucking me when she was fucking him. That must have hurt." he said, his voice sounding devastated. He didn't say anything for a moment. Then, he sighed. "They almost broke up because of it, so you can imagine how hard this has been for her as well. And for Chris."

I didn't know what to say. "Hard for all of you."

He sighed and said nothing. I stood behind him, not really knowing what to do or say. Finally, he turned back to me, his eyes haunted

"Kate, she'd like to think I forced her to have sex, absolve her of responsibility for fucking me even after our marriage had failed, but I didn't. I remember the last time we had sex vividly. She had sex with me, willingly. She was maybe a bit reluctant at first, claiming she wasn't feeling very romantic, so I," he said, shrugging. "I seduced her. I didn't force her. I want you to know that. We hadn't been having sex very much. I'd been away a lot. I would never force her."

"Of course you didn't, Drake. I know. You wouldn't force her or anyone."

He exhaled and looked in my eyes, as if searching to see if I was being truthful.

"Listen, let's forget about this," I said. "You have such good news to be happy about. Can I get you a cup of coffee?" I hoped to end this difficult discussion. "Something to eat?"

"Sure," he said and sighed, brushing his fingers against my cheek. "Thanks. I've got to call Michael, explain things. It's early evening in Africa, so I'll call him at home. He'll understand. He said that if the match was good enough, and I stayed to donate, he could find someone to take over my cases."

"Are we still going to go to Kenya?"

"Not for a while. I'm sorry, it's not only the transplant, but Liam…" he said, taking in a deep breath. "While I'm a perfect match, there are still risks. I want to stay around for a few weeks, see how he handles the transplant. They'll put him on anti-rejection drugs but still, there's always a chance he could reject the transplant – or it could reject him. Maybe not until March, right before class starts depending on how Liam does."

I leaned in closer and gave him a hug, and then he bent down and kissed me, his kiss warm. He buried his face once more in my neck and rocked me for a moment and then pulled away.