She glanced away as if she couldn't look at my face.
I pushed on. "Dawn, I can't stand that we're not friends anymore. We've been friends for so long. I don't want to leave and have this distance between us. Can you at least accept my relationship with Drake, even if you don't understand it?"
She turned back to me, her lips pressed thin. "I can't accept. But maybe I can pretend it's not real. If we don't talk about it, if you don't mention him, maybe we can still be friends. But you have to absolve me of any guilt for not warning you more effectively if he does hurt you and breaks your heart."
"He may break my heart, but he'd never purposely hurt me or cause me pain. That's not what he likes."
She shook her head. "See, we can't talk about it. I can't believe that. He's got a vested interest in lying to you."
"He's telling the truth. If he wanted someone into pain, he'd find someone very easily. Even Lara—"
"Lara's his friend. She's biased."
I exhaled heavily, frustration filling me. "You're my friend."
"Yes," she said. "I'm biased in your favor. They aren't."
"OK. Let's pretend Drake doesn't exist. I can't stand leaving and having us not be friends."
She nodded finally, but from the way she sat, her body tense, I suspected it was a losing cause. "I'll try," she said. "But absolve me now, in case."
I forced a smile. "Absolve you?"
"Yes," she said, her expression dark. "If things go sour, I don't want you mad at me for not trying harder."
"All right, I absolve you," I said and waved my hand, pretending to bless her. "I won't blame you for anything. You can say you told me so and feel smugly superior."
"I don't want to be right, but I'm afraid I am. At least meet with Sunita and hear her side of the story. I've talked to her. I've seen her pictures. I saw the video. Drake liked what he was doing. He used a riding crop on her. He liked it, Kate. That was clear enough."
My blood felt like ice as I imagined Drake hitting a bound Sunita with a riding crop and enjoying it.
"Drake already told me about Sunita," I said, swallowing my doubt. "He didn't like it. He didn’t know until he tried it, but he didn’t like it."
She shook her head. "Lie to yourself, then. It's obvious you can't accept the truth."
This was going nowhere really quickly and I didn’t want to end it like that.
"Stop." I held my hand up. "Let's start fresh. No more talk about Drake, Sunita or my relationship with him. Just about everything else."
"I'll probably regret this, but OK." She nodded and extended her hand across the table. "Deal."
We shook and picked up our drinks, toasting each other to seal the bargain, but I had my doubts it would work.
"So," she said after wiping her mouth with a napkin. "You're taking time off from Grad school, I take it? How's that going to affect your scholarship?"
"I have some money in the bank so when I come back, I can use that to finish if they pull my scholarship. But Columbia has given me a leave of absence, so it should be good."
"It would be sad to lose your scholarship…"
"I don’t need the money, Dawn. Someone else who actually needs it could use it."
She shook her head. "You always said you'd never take your father's money if you could support yourself."
"Think of it," I said, frowning. "There are actually people out there who need the financial support. I don't. Why should the daughter of a rich man get a scholarship and not have to pay when I can?"
"It's the principle of the thing. Which I thought was what you argued to your father back in the day…"
"I was being stubborn. I was trying to distance myself from him and his money. I was being idealistic."
"What happened to that idealism in so short a time?" She exhaled loudly and I knew what that meant. She was blaming Drake for this.
"Dawn, I was wrong about my dad. I realize that now. What I thought was him controlling me was really me trying to please him and his approval of my decisions was because he thought it would please me. I know that I can do what I want and he'll approve, no matter what. I could even become a Commie and he'd still love me."
She shrugged and took another sip of her coffee. "Whatever you say. All I see is someone who's completely compromised all her ideals because of a man."
I closed my eyes. This wasn’t going to work. I could sit there and try to convince her but frankly, I was getting tired of her attitude. I finished my coffee and put the mug down on the table, a bit too roughly. Then, I stood up and pulled on my coat.