“This is it?” Frank asked. Matt nodded. Frank pulled into the apartment parking lot, stopped the truck, and looked at him. “You want to come back?”
“Sure, but I’ve never finished anything in my life.”
Frank laughed. “Then you’ll fit right in!” He folded his hands over the steering wheel and leaned into it. “Here’s the nuts and bolts: Don’t go in your apartment and think that you’ll never take a drink again. You will. But when you do, don’t let it keep you pinned to the floor.” Matt nodded. “What are you popping in the morning to help you get up and out?”
“Xanax.”
“Don’t convince yourself you’ll be stopping those cold turkey, either. You want a sponsor?”
“I don’t know what one does.”
Frank wrote down his phone number. “I won’t call you, but you can call me anytime, day or night. Call me when you want to take a drink. Call me when you wanted to take a drink but didn’t. Call when you did drink and you hate yourself for it afterward. Call me if you’re happy, sad, excited, or mad as hell. That’s what a sponsor does. See you tomorrow?”
Matt got out of the truck. “Sure.”
“Call me if you want a ride.”
Frank waved and Matthew watched him pull out of the driveway to the home across the street. He stopped at the end of his driveway and fixed the Christmas lights that were drooping on the baby pine tree. “You’re kidding me,” Matt said beneath his breath, watching as Frank went from tree to tree, shaking snow from each light strand. Matthew laughed and ran up the stairs to his apartment.
Eleven
If the will to walk is really present,
God is pleased even with your stumbles.
—C.S.Lewis
Matt cut across the town square on his way to work Tuesday afternoon and noticed the pretty blonde driving through town. She pulled into the alley that went behind the law office. He ran past the gazebo and fir trees to the street, then waited for cars to pass and dodged one as he ran into the road, crossing over to Wilson’s. Her steps were brisk as she hurried up the alley; she didn’t see him dart in front of the law office.
“Hi, I’m Robert. Can I help you with something?”
Robert’s voice startled Matt and he stepped away from the entrance, shaking his head, then opened the door for Robert. Matt turned in a snap to wait for the blonde and accidentally knocked a stack of files out of her hands. “I’m sorry!” he said. “I opened the door for a guy and had no idea you were…” He helped pick up the scattered files and handed them to her. She smiled and looked lovely. In the pit of his stomach he knew it wouldn’t work. She was beyond him.
The phone was pressed to Judy’s ear. “Is Mr. Wilson in?” Matt asked, whispering. She motioned for him to step up to the office behind her.
Marshall was at his desk, making notes on a legal pad. “Hello, Chaz. What’s up?” He took off his glasses and leaned back in his chair.
Matt stood motionless by the door and fumbled with the gloves in his hands. “My name’s not Chaz McConnell.”
Mr. Wilson sat on the edge of his desk and pulled off his glasses. “I don’t think I’m following you.”
Matt shoved the gloves into the pockets of his coat. “I bought a Social Security number from a guy a few years ago because I couldn’t use mine,” he said. Marshall rubbed his brow, trying to understand. “I’ve never had to be fingerprinted before and I was afraid that the person with the Social I bought would have a criminal record. I also knew that my fingerprints wouldn’t match the number, and once someone found out I’d get fired. So I threw the envelope away when it came in.”
Marshall nodded, thinking. “Why didn’t you want to use your own Social?”
“Because I ran away from home seven years ago,” Matt said. “I never wanted my family to find me. I just found them on Sunday night, though. My mother’s Gloria Bailey.”
Marshall’s eyes widened and he ran his index finger back and forth over his chin. “Well, Chaz.” He looked up at him. “Or…?”
“It’s Matthew. My parents always called me Matt.”
“All right, Matt. See Judy about taking a fingerprint test for the job. The security office is down the stairs at the end of the hall.” He slid the glasses over his ears and sat down at the desk. “We’re glad to have you.” He grinned and never brought up the issue again.
Carla went to work early and ran down the stairs to the security office. She opened the door and watched Matt for the longest time. He was uncomfortable and shifted in the chair. “What are you doing?” he asked.