“Is it surgery?”
“It’s not considered surgery but it’s equally dramatic. If she didn’t have this procedure her heart would continue to deteriorate.” He stopped, looking at Emily.
“Until failure?” I asked, choosing my words. He nodded. “When would that happen?”
He looked at Mia. “It could happen soon. With this procedure her heart function should recover and the valve leakage should resolve but it’s important that we admit her right away.”
I never expected this. I assumed it was the virus that was going around and he’d send us home with some medications. I nodded. For the first time in my career I was admitting a child into the hospital. I gathered my things to leave the exam room.
Dr. Andrews knelt in front of Emily and Mia. “Mia wasn’t afraid one bit and that’s because you were holding her,” he said to Emily.
She smiled and he stood to leave. “How long did you miss your mom?” Her eyes were anxious; she needed to know.
Dr. Andrews knelt in front of her again. “I still miss her.”
Emily’s face was blank. She was hoping he’d say something different.
“But not in the same way I did after she died. It comes and goes in waves. When I was in track meets or when I graduated from high school I missed her a lot. I just really wanted her to be there. When I got married I missed her because I wanted to look out and see her sitting next to my dad. It’s not all the time but there are times when I still do miss her an awful lot, but that’s okay.” He patted her hand. “If I didn’t miss her I’d be afraid that I’d forget her, and I never want to do that. So I’ll go ahead and be sad every once in a while, because if I’m sad I know I’m remembering her and how much she loved me.” My eyes pooled over and I pretended to need something in my purse. I don’t know if Emily understood what he was saying but realized she’d understand someday. Dr. Andrews led us to a desk for admittance and excused himself.
I called Sandra and explained the situation to her. She’d come to the hospital just as soon as her husband could leave work to watch their son. She said she’d arrive no later than nine: another hour and a half. I filled out the paperwork needed to admit Mia, filling in the state as legal guardian. For the first time I was grateful that Bridget had been arrested for selling drugs and was thankful she’d left Mia alone for so long. If she hadn’t, I wasn’t sure that Mia would have ever received medical attention. I took Mia from Emily and smiled at her. “Hello, sweet girl.”
She smiled and kicked her legs.
“You’re going to stay here for a few days. Now, you might be afraid every now and then because doctors are going to be poking around, but they’re only doing it so you’ll feel better, so don’t be scared, okay?”
She giggled and I heard her breathing become labored.
I kissed her head. “You’re going to be okay, Mia.” Oh, God, please hear me. She’s so tiny and her life hasn’t been good yet. Help her through this. Please give her a family who will love her. Please give her a strong heart.
Emily leaned over and kissed Mia’s face and head. She whispered something into Mia’s ear and looked up at me and smiled.
“What did you say?” I asked.
“I can’t tell you,” she said. “If I told you it wouldn’t come true.”
I smiled. She had watched a lot of fairy tales in her five years. A man dressed in scrubs came and took Mia from me. Emily held on to my hand and waved as he disappeared with Mia around a corner. I had a sick feeling, as if he’d just taken my own child. Emily and I waited the last few minutes for Sandra to arrive.
“They’re going to perform the procedure in a few hours,” I said. I knew I needed to find a foster home for Emily so I doubted I would be able to return to the hospital. “There are things I have to take care of, so I don’t think I’ll be back today.”
“Yes, we will,” Emily said. “We have to come back.”
I didn’t say anything. I took hold of her hand and walked toward the elevator.
“We need to come back,” Emily said, looking up at me. I pushed the button for the elevator. “Mia needed me to hold her hand because she was scared. She’ll be scared again today and wonder where I am. When I was scared in my room she held on tight, tight, tight, and then I wasn’t scared anymore. So I held on tight to Mia’s hand, too.”
I nodded but didn’t understand. I’d forgotten how children ramble, throwing lots of thoughts together as they talk.
She looked up at me. “Can we please come back?”