The Christmas Hope(12)

“What’s wrong, Mom?” Emily asked. Tracy groaned and rolled her head back and forth on her arms.

She lifted her head and looked at Emily. “Listen to me,” she said, buttoning her uniform. She took the clock down from the wall. “I have to be at work when the big hand is on the twelve and the little hand is on the six.” She moved the hands of the clock to show Emily. “It’ll look like this when I start my shift. I want you to go to bed when the little hand is on the eight and the big hand is on the six.” She turned the clock to show Emily what it would look like. “Okay?”

The little girl nodded.

“I get off work when the little hand is on the ten and the big hand is on the twelve but you’ll be asleep by then anyway.” She picked up the clock and took the batteries out. “I’m going to set this for eight-thirty so you know what it looks like. Keep watching the clock in the living room and when it looks just like this go to bed.”

Emily stopped eating and looked at her mom. “Who’s going to watch me?”

Tracy sighed. Emily hadn’t understood. “You’re going to have to stay here by yourself tonight, but it will only be for a little while.”

Emily crinkled her forehead. “But you said I could never stay by myself. Not even in the car.”

“I know that, but tonight is different. I can’t find anyone to come over and I have to work.” Emily looked out the kitchen window toward Greta’s house. “Look at me,” Tracy said.

Emily looked down at the table and cast her eyes up at her mother.

“Can you do this? Can you stay in the house by yourself and go to bed when the clock looks like this?”

Emily was quiet, playing with the food on her plate. “What about a bath?”

“Not tonight,”Tracy said. She knew that Emily finally understood what she was saying. “You can play in your room or watch the Beauty and the Beast video that’s in the VCR but don’t answer the door if someone knocks. If someone knocks you turn the TV off and play a pretend game of not being here. Okay?”

Emily nodded.

“I’m going to call as often as I can but if anyone else calls just say I’m in the bathtub and will have to call them back.”

“But you won’t be in the bathtub. You’ll be at work.”

“I know that but I don’t want anyone else to know that. I don’t want them to know that you’re here by yourself.” She lit a cigarette and puffed till the end crinkled and glowed red. “So what time are you going to bed?”

Emily pointed to the clock.

“Right. Are you answering the door?”

Emily shook her head.

“If someone calls for me what are you saying?”

“You’re in the bathtub.”

“Right.” Tracy took another puff and shook her head. She was crazy for trying this. No one leaves a five-year-old alone but she didn’t know what else to do. She was already behind in rent payment and her car needed two new tires. She grabbed her purse and knelt in front of Emily. “I’ll tell you what. In a few days we’ll make a trip down by the river and watch the fireworks and eat funnel cakes.” Emily’s eyes brightened. Tracy pushed the butt of the cigarette into an ashtray. “Okay, I’m locking the door behind me. Do not open it at all for any reason. Stay in the house and go to bed. Do you understand?”

Emily nodded and sucked milk through a heart-shaped straw.

Tracy pulled Emily in to her chest and kissed her forehead. “I love you so much.”

“Love you, too,” Emily said, clenching the straw between her teeth.

Tracy leaned down toward Emily. “Give me a kiss.”

Emily spat out the straw and kissed her mother. Tracy kissed her over and over and moved toward the door. “Don’t open this. Don’t come near it. Don’t even look at it. Keep it closed and locked and go to bed at eight-thirty. I love you.” Emily waved and watched milk zip through the straw.





I had just gone upstairs to get ready for bed that July evening when the phone rang. Since it was eleven-fifteen I assumed the call must be work related. “Hello.”

“Patricia, this is Dispatch.” It was the dispatcher for the Department of Family Services. “We have a situation that needs attention. A child needs to be placed in protective services.” I took down the rest of the information and directions and got dressed.

Two squad cars were in the driveway when I arrived at midnight. I showed an officer my card and entered the home. I could see Emily sitting on her bed trying to look through a book with an officer sitting beside her. “Was anyone with her?” I asked.