“I was scared. I admit. But, I got this gift from Dave… it was like he was giving me his blessing or something. Urging me to not let fear stop me, to go after my dreams. Steve, I want to try. I do. I want to see where things go with us.” Her eyes were full of hope.
He ignored them. Really he did.
He couldn’t afford to get involved with someone who didn’t know what they wanted from one day to the next. Who might hurt Josh, and if he were being honest, hurt him again. He was so tired of women leaving him.
“That’s not going to work for me.” He wasn’t going to waver. He’d made up his mind.
“What do you mean? Don’t you want to see where this goes with us? Can’t you understand I was just… scared?”
The look in her eyes almost made him change his mind, but then he remembered his son. All that he’d lost. “Holly, I can’t. I can’t take the chance with Josh. It would be easier if you just leave when you’re finished here at Doc Benson’s. I can’t risk you changing your mind again. Ping-ponging back and forth while you figure out what you want from life. Josh can’t take another woman he adores leaving him. His mother left him, he lost my mom, his aunt moved away. That’s way too much loss for a boy his age. I know you’ve had your losses, but so have we. You need to stay away from Josh, from us. Just go back home.”
He felt himself torn in half, giving his speech on protecting Josh. He wanted Holly. Wanted to take a chance, just like she’d finally decided to do. But he couldn’t risk Josh. Risk him being left again. He didn’t trust that Holly wouldn’t pull away again. Best to end it now before Josh became even more attached. No more outings. No more inviting her over. He’d do anything for his son. Anything. Even give up a chance with Holly.
A lone tear trailed down Holly’s cheek. She didn’t even bother to hide it from him. It tore at him to see her hurt, but he had to. Had to protect Josh.
She slowly turned and headed back to check on Louie. He sat down in the lonely waiting room and stared out the window.
If he were being totally honest with himself —which he wasn’t going to be— he was just as afraid of getting hurt himself as he was of Josh getting hurt. He was a coward. Afraid to risk rejection and loss. Even for a shot at love.
So he went back to believing he was only doing this for Josh. It was a fantasy that allowed him to not face his own fears.
CHAPTER TWELVE
Steve looked up to see Gil come through the door to Doc Benson’s clinic. His friend crossed the waiting room in long strides as Steve rose up to greet him.
“I heard about Louie. Thought I’d come by and check on him and you guys. How’s he doing? How’s Josh?”
“Louie is doing better. He’s got a long recovery ahead of him, but he’s going to make it.”
Steve saw relief cross his friend’s face.
“That is great news.”
Steve nodded.
Gil looked at him closely for a moment. “So, what’s up? You don’t look all that happy about it.”
“No, I’m so glad Louie is going to be okay.”
“But?”
His friend knew him too well. Steve sighed. “It’s a long story but Holly said she didn’t want to see me anymore. She lost her husband in an accident last Christmas. Killed instantly. Her dog was with him in the car, and she worked on him, but couldn’t save him. She lost them both. This thing with Louie brought it all crashing back on her.”
“Man, that’s tough on her. I can see why she backed away. Just give her some time.”
“That’s the thing. By this morning she had changed her mind. Now she wants to keep trying, see where we are—were—headed.”
“She was probably just shaken up last night, but then had time to think it through.”
Gil had more compassion for Holly than he’d shown her. Steve rolled his shoulders, trying to loosen the tension. “Well, I told her no. I can’t take a chance. Josh is already crazy about her. If she changes her mind again… I don’t want him to get hurt.”
“Or you don’t want to take a chance and you get hurt again?”
Gil always asked the tough questions. Always.
Steve went and stared out the window. “I don’t know. I don’t want Josh to get hurt, but I don’t really want to get closer to Holly, only to have her change her mind. Again.”
“For Pete’s sake, Steve. Even I can realize how hard last night had to have been for Holly—and my sister says I’m a clueless male. It had to have been horrible for Holly after what happened to her last Christmas. It was probably a knee jerk reaction. She was probably exhausted. Why can’t you give her a chance?”