Steve came back into the room and sat down beside her. “He was out. So tired. He barely woke up when I put on his pajamas. Poor little guy. He loves to go to sleepovers, but it takes like two days for him to recover.”
“He really did a great job on dinner.”
“He did, didn’t he? He loves to learn to cook. I try to let him do his own meal every week or so. He loves to help me cook, too.”
“He is such a great kid.”
Steve smiled at her. “I think so.”
They sat in quiet, watching the fire. Louie jumped up on the couch, just like last night, claiming his space. She scooted over to give the dog room, and Steve wrapped his arm around her and pulled her closer to him.
She was totally enjoying the moment. Louie, with his head in her lap. The fire. And Steve. Steve with his arm around her shoulder and his other hand covering hers.
Steve pulled back slightly and turned to her. He brought his hand up, tilted her chin, leaned down and at that very moment she knew he was going to kiss her.
Only she didn’t want him to, didn’t want to ruin this perfect moment.
Only she did want him to kiss her. Only she shouldn’t want it. Only…
He cut off her thoughts when he lips came down upon hers. A questioning kiss that deepened as she offered no resistance. His warm hand framed her face. She kissed him back, she couldn’t help herself. Her hand slipped up to his chest and she could feel his heart beating. He pulled her closer. She felt her breath grow ragged. His lips were hard and soft at the same time. How could that be? His uneven breathing matched her own.
What was she doing?
She pulled back, waking up Louie who opened his eyes, shot her a look of annoyance, if a dog could do that, and got up and went to curl up by the fire.
Steve looked at her questioningly.
Her breath was still uneven and the air between then held a viable tension. “I…” She took a deep breath. “I need to go.”
“Wait.” Steve placed his hand on her arm, stopping her from leaping off the couch like she’d planned. “You okay?”
“I’m fine,” she lied. A lie was a good move here. She stood up and went to grab her jacket.
Steve levered himself off the couch and followed her to the door.
“Holly. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to—.”
She cut him off. “No need to be sorry. I just need to get home. Big day tomorrow at the clinic. Tell Josh thanks for making my dinner.”
She fled out the door. Running away from Steve. From his kiss. From his warmth. From her mixed up emotions.
She briefly glanced back when she made it over to the cottage and saw Steve illuminated by the Christmas lights on his house. Standing there watching her escape.
* * * * *
Steve stood on Holly’s front porch first thing in the morning the next day. He knocked on her front door. He’d tossed and turned all night, going over every second of the evening. He knew he’d scared her with the kiss, just as much as he knew in his heart she had wanted it, that she’d felt it as deeply as he had. Maybe she wasn’t ready. Maybe she was and felt guilty. He wasn’t sure. But one thing was sure, he was going to confront her right now instead of leaving the awkwardness hanging between them.
The door opened and Holly stood there with a cup of coffee in her hand. She was fully dressed, down to the shoes, but she looked adorably just-morning sleepy. Or maybe she’d tossed all night like he had.
“Holly. Can we talk?”
She nodded and moved back to let him in.
“Why did you run off?” Though he knew darn well why she had.
“I didn’t run off. I just needed to get home.”
“You weren’t in a hurry to get home before I kissed you.”
“I— ”
She looked at him with those green eyes. The ones that had haunted his dreams last night. What little he had dreamed.
“It was… I wasn’t….” She looked down at the coffee cup wrapped in her delicate hands. “Yes, I ran. I’m sorry.”
“No need to be sorry. I just wanted to make sure you’re okay. That we’re okay.”
“I’ve had a good time with you. With you and Josh. I just haven’t been with—been close to—another man except for Dave for so many years. It’s only been a year since he’s been gone…”
“But you felt something, the same thing I felt. I know you did.”
“I did. But I’m not sure I want to.” She was still avoiding his eyes and staring at her coffee cup like it held the answer to the meaning of life.
He reached over and tilted her face up to look at him. “It’s okay to let go. You’re not betraying him. You’ll always have his memory and your time together.”