The Certainty of Violet & Luke(21)

I know a lot about Luke through tidbits of stories we’ve shared with each other whenever we’re in our room in the dark, but never so bluntly, so openly like this. I have to catch my breath before I speak. What I really want to do is kiss him, but I’m too afraid after what he just said … with the whole I love you thing. Afraid of what it’ll mean … to him … to me. ‘Alright, come with me.’ Then I take his hand and we walk side by side and, for the briefest second, I feel like I’m stepping into the future for once instead of drowning in the past. Maybe this is why I chose not to drown. But then I remember where I’m going and the past catches up with me again.





Chapter 9


Luke


I can tell she doesn’t want me to go inside the station with her but it worries me, her going in to face the woman who was part of one of the worst days of her life. To see her again … I can’t even imagine how that’s going to make her feel. Violet’s pretending like it’s not a big deal but I know it is. No wonder she had a break down yesterday.

I don’t think that Detective Stephner would appreciate me being in there, though, so I make it easy for Violet and tell her I’ll wait for her in the truck. Instantly my mind starts to race with thoughts of what’s going on inside, what I said to Violet today, with what’s going to happen with us. Not just with my mother being caught finally, but after what I said to her. I love her. I’ve known that for weeks now, but I’ve been waiting until we were both ready before I said it aloud, wanted to be on better terms in both our lives and our relationship. But it sort of slipped out. I’m not even sure how, other than I was thinking about my shitty life with my mother and how glad I was that she was finally going to be behind bars. I started thinking of my life now and how much better it is, how much happier I am, even with all the complications. And how glad I am that I have Violet. Then Violet said something about how she was worried she’d be alone and suddenly, the words sort of slipped out because I wanted her to understand that I would never leave her. That she means way too much for that to ever happened, but instead of bringing her comfort it frightened her and, honestly, it kind of stung.

‘Dammit. Did I fuck this up?’ I grip onto the steering wheel, trying to calm down and think of something else, but it’s all I can think of. When my head feels like it’s on the verge of exploding, I decide to call my father to let him know what’s happening, figuring it’ll be a distraction from my obsessive need to analyze Violet and mine’s relationship.

‘Hey, Luke,’ he answers after three rings.

‘Mom’s in jail,’ I tell him. ‘They arrested her for … for her involvement in Violet’s parents’ murders.’

‘Luke, I’m so sorry,’ he says sympathetically.

I lean back in the seat of the truck and stare out the window at the stars. I remember when I first got my license and this truck, how I used to sleep in it just to avoid going home. I’d just park somewhere out in the mountains and turn on some music and stare up at the night sky, basking in the peace of not having to be anywhere near my mother. ‘You don’t need to be sorry. I’m glad she’s locked up.’

‘That’s not what I’m sorry for,’ he tells me with a heavy-hearted sigh. ‘I’m sorry you have to go through this … that you and Violet have to go through this. It has to be tough … your mother … her parents … God, I can’t even imagine how Violet feels right now.’

‘I can’t either, since she won’t talk to me about it.’ I’ve never been one for talking about personal stuff going in my life so I surprise us both when I say this. I didn’t even mean to say it aloud, but between the stress and lack of sleep, my brain’s been working a little slow the last couple of weeks.

‘That’s pretty understandable, considering the circumstances.’ He pauses. ‘How are you handling it?’

‘I already told you I’m glad that she’s in jail.’

‘Not with that. I mean, handling Violet being distant.’

I shrug even though he can’t see me. ‘Fine, I guess.’

‘Luke … you don’t sound fine.’ There’s hesitancy in his voice, something that exists because our relationship is still rocky. I feel like I’m just getting to know my dad after years of him being pretty much nonexistent in my life and I think he feels guilty for being nonexistent, especially after finding out some of the stuff that went on with my mother while Amy and I were growing up. ‘You know I’m here if you need to talk.’