She had been checked out at the med unit and pronounced in perfect health. The only thing
she would need was rest, so she was given a day off from classes.
Obi-Wan searched for her everywhere. At last he found her at the place he least expected - the waterfall. She sat on a rock overlooking the pool where she’d almost died. Bant always sat as close as possible to the pool, so that the fine spray misted her skin.
“Why are you here?” he asked gently, taking a seat beside her.
“This is one of my favorite spots at the Temple,” Bant answered, her silver eyes on the cascading water. “I did not want what happened here to spoil that. I almost died here. Someone else did lose his life. The experience taught me more about being a Jedi than a thousand classes.” She turned to Obi-Wan. “I hope you don’t blame yourself for Bruck’s death.”
“I know I tried my best to save him,” Obi-Wan said. “But my heart is still heavy.”
“That is how it should be,” Bant said. “A life is lost. When he still had life, he had a chance to change.”
“Bant, I am so sorry for -” Obi-Wan began in a rush.
“Don’t,” Bant interrupted softly. “There’s no need to apologize. You saved my life, you know.”
“There is a need,” Obi-Wan said firmly. “There is a great need.” He stared down at his hands in
his lap. “I spoke out of anger and jealousy. What I felt mattered to me more than your feelings.”
“You were worried about your future,” Bant said. “You are afraid of losing Qui-Gon.”
Obi-Wan sighed. He stared out at the sapphire pool. “I thought I could return to the Temple and everything would be as it was. The Council would excuse me and welcome me back. Qui-Gon would come around. But I am the one to come around. I see now that what I did cannot be fixed so easily. It may never be fixed. I see what I’ve done to myself, to the Master-Padawan relationship. This is why a Jedi waits so long and is so careful about choosing a Padawan. So much trust is involved. I ask myself, if Qui-Gon had rejected me, set me loose after I pledged my life to his, how would I feel? Yes, I would forgive him, but could I join him again? Could I deliver all my trust to him again?” He met Bant’s eyes, feeling desolation well inside him. “I don’t know the answer,” he finished. “How can I expect Qui-Gon to know?”
“I think you could trust him again,” Bant said slowly. “And I think Qui-Gon will do the same. All of this just happened. You haven’t had time to sit down and think, let alone talk to each other. You’ve been through so much. There are
things that happened on Melida/Daan you won’t tell me.” She paused delicately. “When you are ready, I would like to hear them.”
Obi-Wan took a shuddering breath. He could not say her name aloud. But somehow he knew he must. He knew that if this moment passed, he might never speak of her again to a living soul, and something in him would die.
“Her name was Cerasi,” he said. He felt a great tide of sorrow rise in him. But he also felt a release by saying her name. “Cerasi,” he said again. He lifted his face and felt the cooling spray. Suddenly, he felt stronger, as though Cerasi’s vibrant spirit stood by him and touched his shoulder. “We had a connection that I can’t explain. It wasn’t the result of time, of hours spent together. It wasn’t the result of secrets or confidences. It was something else.”
“You loved her,” Bant said.
Obi-Wan swallowed. “Yes. She inspired me. We fought together side by side. We trusted each other. And when she died, I blamed myself. When I thought that you might die, I knew I could not go on if it happened.”
“But you would have, Obi-Wan,” Bant said softly. “We all go on.” She leaned against him, her eyes sparkling with unshed tears. “You saved my life. We will go on together.”
Qui-Gon sat in Tahl’s quarters. They had been silent for some time. TooJay had been sent for reprogramming. For once, Qui-Gon would have welcomed her musical chatter.
“You are to meet the Council soon,” Tahl said at last. “If you decide to take Obi-Wan back as your Padawan, it will help him. The Council would most likely allow him to come back.”
“I know,” Qui-Gon said.
“Especially considering all he has done,” Tahl added.
“I am well aware of all he has done.”
Tahl sighed. “You are a stubborn man, Qui-Gon.”
“No,” Qui-Gon protested. “Not stubborn. Cautious. I must be sure, Tahl. What if taking Obi-Wan back is not fair to the boy, or to the Jedi? If I cannot give Obi-Wan my trust, our Master-Padawan bond will eventually break.”