He breaks contact with me, walking over to the window. He stares out at the ocean for a long minute. I can't see his face.
"I'm damaged, Annika," he says. "I don't know if I can ever love anyone like that again. I don't know if I have it in me. I'm seriously broken. I'm still with her. I'm afraid I always might be. So understand that I may never get there with another person. I just want you to know that."
"I so appreciate your sharing this with me," I say. "I had no idea."
He turns around to face me, his arms still folded.
"Nobody does," he says. "We kept our relationship well-hidden. She was actually a real... porn star. Damien Cage doesn't fuck porn stars. They're mostly unstable. Not all, but mostly. How we met is a story all on its own. I just wanted you to see what you're dealing with here so you can run if you want. I wouldn't blame you."
I stand up and face him.
"Run?" I say. "How could I possibly run?"
"Because it would be smart," he says. "It's going to be a long painful struggle with me. If you're not up for it, I get that. I'm not even sure if I'm up for it."
I walk toward him and grasp his folded forearms.
"You have a mission," I say. "You want to help people rise above their position in life. I've already codified it in the first two chapters of the book I'm writing for you. But now... now I understand. I get your motivation. I'm so glad you shared this with me because it wasn't enough to be irritated with Lija Charry winning America's Top Voice. I knew there was something deeper. This is your why. Now I know where I need to go with it. I am up for it, Damien Cage Rock Star."
"Don't call me that!" he says as he flicks my hands aside and storms off to the other side of the room. "Jesus Christ!"
"I'm sorry. What did I say?"
"You called me Damien Cage Rock Star."
"So?"
He runs his hand through his hair, pulling at it.
"First you mention Far Away the day we met," he says, "a song that has deep meaning to her. Next, with nothing but moonlight, you find the private garden that I had built for her. Now you call me Damien Cage Rock Star... which is what she... always called me... God, it's like there's a part of her in you! Like she's trying to communicate through you or something."
I reel my fist back to punch him in the face.
But I stop myself mid-punch.
He puts his hand up, palming my fist.
Holy fuck! What was that?! Why did I do that? Where did that come from?
I realize I'm breathing heavily.
His mouth hangs open.
"I'm... sorry," I say between gasping breaths. "This... is going to sound weird... but I don't know why I was about to punch you. It was like something took me over. Like somebody else was inside me."
He grabs my wrist and looks deep in my eyes.
"Marce?" he says, staring into me.
"Huh?" I say.
His eyes narrow and he steps back from me.
"Nothing," he says. "Never mind."
What was that?
Why was I about to punch him?
"I'm really sorry," I say.
I mean it. I have no idea what that was. One second I was listening to him. The next I was about to hit him.
What the fuck? Why? Am I losing my mind?
"It's okay," he says, folding his arms and staring at the floor. "What are your plans for the next week?"
I shake my head, trying to make sense of all this.
"Umm..." I say, "working on your book."
"You need a break," he says. "You're a little stressed. Time to relax a little."
"I'm fine."
"Well, I need a break. We're going to South America. You and me."
Did he just say...?
"Excuse me?" I say.
"You heard me," he says. "Tell your mother and whoever else you need to tell. You work for me, remember?"
"Where in South America?"
"A tiny country most people don't even know exists. I have a place there. I found it a while back when I was... despondent. Nobody knows about it. Not even Jasmine. I've never taken anyone else there. But I need to go there now. And I need you with me. It will help you with your writing."
"But I–"
"No excuses. Go home, pack, and do what you need to do. Be here tomorrow morning at eight."
Chapter 35
The plane swerves left over the mountaintop, then banks hard and down.
Shit, we're going to die.
This is not how I thought I'd go, so young and in some tiny South American hellhole. Never even heard of this airline. Or this city. Or even this fucking country.
Boom!
The plane hits the ground with a smash. I bounce in my seat, almost hitting my head on the ceiling. Then the airbrakes kick in and we screech to a full stop.