The Cage Sessions(12)
He turns, leaning in closer to me. His right hand tussles my hair. I look down at his ripped jeans.
Oh God, is this it? Is he going to kiss me?
The energy swirls up and around. I feel myself drawn into it. It's like we're moving together without effort.
Then he breaks it.
His hand snaps back as he abruptly faces forward again. He bites his lower lip, folds his hands, and stares at the floor.
What the fuck?
Really, what the fuck?
I so want to scream right now, but I know that if I'm going to win him over I need to be patient with him. We've already seen how he handles impatience. Not good.
"I... uh... need your help," he says.
"With what?" I say.
He rubs the back of his neck and sighs, then leans back and folds his arms staring straight ahead at the empty screen.
He was right here in the room with me a few seconds ago, but now he's a million miles away. Like he's living in another world on that movie screen.
"I need to figure out how to put something behind me," he says. Then pauses. "No, that's wrong. Not put it behind me, but rather... how to go on living my life... despite it. Because it will never truly be behind me."
Holy shit! The always cocksure Damien Cage is being vulnerable with me?! Oh my God!
This is the moment to which I aspired that night at the party. Everything I've been through so far has been worth it.
Tell me! Tell me, you gorgeous bastard! Whatever it is, I'll help you! I'll rid you of it! Of her! Whoever the fuck the bitch is!
"But see," he says. "I want to do great things. I want to get my message out to the world. So far, I've sucked at that. Mainly because of this... something... that I haven't let go of yet. For three long years. So... the only way I'm truly going to be able to help people is if I first help myself. And for that, I need your help."
"Anything," I say as I touch his arm.
Electrical impulses travel all over me. From his slouched position he turns and looks at me.
He feels it too! I know he does!
He puts his hand on mine.
Zing! Bolts of energy zap through me.
As far as I'm concerned, we can stay like this forever. No need to fuck. This connection... this moment... is everything.
God, I sound like an adolescent!
But I can't help it. That's what this man does to me.
"Will you..." he says, "be patient with me?"
"Yes!" I say without hesitation.
He looks down again. Whatever this is, it's eating him up.
"Okay," he says. "I'm going to let you inside my life. Nobody knows this part of me. I need you to promise you won't write about it or tell anyone. This is private. Doesn't go in the book."
"Of course."
"There was a... girl... I met five years ago. Not your usual girl. Like you. Super-smart. And gorgeous. She was... she is... everything to me."
Shit, I don't like the fact he changed was to is.
So she's still around, huh? I'll fight the bitch if I have to!
"And she's always going to be a part of me," he says.
We'll see about that, buddy.
"But I want you to understand me on a deep level," he says. "Not just because you're writing a book about me, but because I want you to see... and maybe feel... where I'm coming from... because you deserve to know."
"Okay," I say.
"So I want you to watch a movie."
A movie? A fucking movie? Is he kidding?
Chill, Annika.
Fine. If he wants me to watch a fucking movie, I'll watch a fucking movie.
"I can't watch it myself," he says.
Of course, pal. You're going to leave me alone here in a movie theater in your house while you go fuck a couple of other girls. Of course.
Shut up, Annika! If he wants you to watch a goddamned movie, then watch his goddamned movie!
"Why can't you watch it?" I say.
"Because it's too painful," he says. "She... Marcellina... is the star of it."
Marcellina.
Fucking great.
I have no idea what to say. Part of me wants to throw up. The last thing I want to do is watch a movie starring the love... former love... but apparently still current love... of Damien Cage's life. But I said I'd do it, so I'll do it. I just nod.
But really? Is he fucking serious?
Fine, whatever.
Let's just get on with it, buddy.
He gets up. He walks into a control room that we passed on the way in.
The lights dim.
The opening titles roll over blackness to the sounds of city streets:
Phoenix Punch Films presents
A Max Martin-Mike Weissberg Production
of
A Film by Robert Tisker
Marcellina Montero
in
Tattered Angel
Tattered Angel. My favorite Eon Sphinx song. Fuck, everyone's favorite Eon Sphinx song. Weeks at #1. Even overplayed there for a while.
Written for her, apparently.
Bitch!
I make a promise myself to delete it from my iPod when I get home.