The Butterfly Box(66)

‘Pregnant?’ Ramon repeated slowly.

‘Pregnant,’ said Mariana. ‘Poor child. You know that young man she was seeing last summer in Cachagua?’ Ramon nodded gravely. ‘Well, the fool got her pregnant then ran off.’

‘It happens all the time, Mariana,’ Ignacio argued wearily.

‘But I liked her. She didn’t deserve to be treated like that. She was a good girl, not one of those women of easy virtue that hang about the port in Valparaiso. She was too trusting. I’d wring that boy’s neck if I ever got the chance.’

‘So where is she now?’ Ramon asked, feeling sick in the stomach and dizzy in the head. He drained his glass and swallowed uncomfortably.

‘Ignacio sent her back to Zapallar,’ said Mariana in a clipped voice.

‘I said she could come back when she’s had the baby. Perhaps her mother can look after it during the day when she works,’ Ignacio said with forced patience.

‘I know, but she was so upset. You know, Ramon, she believed he’d come back. He told her he would and she believed him. I didn’t want to shatter her hopes so I just agreed with her. But as far as I know there’s no sign of him. Dios mio, the indignity of it all.’ She sighed again.

‘Did she tell you the man’s name?’ Ramon asked carefully.

‘No, she wouldn’t say. She was too ashamed, no doubt.’

‘Enough, woman, my head is spinning,’ Ignacio said with irritation. ‘Ramon can have the house. If he wants a maid he can look for one.’

‘Temporary, of course, Estella may come back and I’d like to leave the job open for her,’ Mariana repeated anxiously.

‘That’s fine by me,’ said Ignacio. ‘When do you want to go?’

‘Tomorrow morning,’ Ramon replied automatically. His mind was whirring like the internal machinations of a clock. ‘I’ll just go and wash my hands before dinner.’ When he looked at himself in the mirror he noticed his features had completely drained of colour leaving his complexion grey and sallow. He rubbed his cheeks with his fingers in order to encourage the blood to return, but it was useless, his shock showed all over his face.

‘Why are you giving him the house?’ Mariana asked her husband while Ramon was out of the room. ‘I thought you were going to tell him not to live with us any more.’

‘Because time alone at the summer house might just remind him of his wife and children. He may find his senses out there on the coast. I don’t know. I’m clutching at straws, woman, but maybe the sea and the sunshine will remind

him of the good times he shared with Helena, before it all went wrong.’



Mariana placed an affectionate hand on her husband’s arm and smiled at him reassuringly. ‘We suffer almost more than he does,’ she said, remembering Federica and Hal with sadness.

‘For sure we suffer more than him. That’s the trouble, he doesn’t suffer at all,’ said Ignacio. ‘Quiet now, I can hear him coming.’



When Ramon returned to the sitting room his parents were already standing up and moving slowly into the dining room. Mariana looked at him and smiled sympathetically. Ignacio was less tactful. ‘Are you all right, son, you look pale?’

‘No, I’m fine,’ Ramon replied flatly.

‘Look, I understand this has not been an easy time for you. I just think you’ve been avoiding the issue.’

‘I haven’t, Papa, I think about Helena and the children all the time,’ he lied.

Then why don’t you go and see them? What are you afraid of?’

‘I’m not afraid. Helena needs time on her own,’ he began.

‘For God’s sake, son, that’s the problem, she’s been on her own far too long,’ Ignacio interrupted edgily.

‘She needs time to settle into Polperro. The last thing she needs is me whipping her up again.’

Then write to the children, call them from time to time, be a father, Ramon. Don’t avoid your responsibility.’

‘I think of that dear little Federica and how much she loves you, mi amor. Your father is right. You mustn’t neglect them,’ Mariana said, touching her son’s forearm and patting it fondly.



When Ramon set off the next morning for Cachagua, Helena, Federica and Hal could not have been further from his mind. All he could think about was Estella. He had spent a tormented night fighting off the demons of guilt and remorse that had flown about his bed, pinching him and pulling him, making sleep an impossibility. He had fought them off by trying to focus on the new book he was going to write, but Estella had kept surfacing to the top of his mind like a rosebud in a pond that refused to sink.