The Butterfly Box(43)

Federica clutched it in her hand possessively. ‘Papa gave it to me. It’s a magic box,’ she replied quietly.

‘I bet it is. You’ll need a magic box in Polperro.’ He chuckled.

‘Why?’

‘Because there are magic caves and mysterious creeks and haunted beaches,’ he said and watched her tired eyes flicker momentarily with interest.

‘Really?’ she exclaimed and her mouth lengthened into a thin smile.

‘Really. I’m very pleased you’ve brought your box,’ he said, then stood up. ‘You must be exhausted, Helena. Let’s get you to the car immediately, the children can sleep on the back seat.’

Toby pushed the trolley laden with their cases, while Helena walked holding her two children by the hand. When they got to the car, Toby loaded the luggage into the back and then settled the children on the rear seat, which he had prepared with pillows and rugs. It was a long seven-hour drive to Polperro. ‘I can’t believe you’ve put all this together for the children,’ said Helena gratefully. ‘They’ll sleep like kings in there.’

‘It’s an arduous drive. Poor lambs, they look shattered and bewildered,’ said Toby, shutting the door. Federica closed her eyes and leant her aching head against the pillow. She had no time to reflect on her situation for sleep overcame her, numbing her senses like a drug.

‘Oh Toby. I can’t tell you what I’ve been through. I’ve left Ramon and broken my children’s hearts all because I couldn’t cope any more,’ said Helena, the tears glistening in her bloodshot eyes.

‘Don’t blame yourself, Helena, it’s life. They’ll cope. Don’t worry. It’s happened to tons of children before them and they’ve survived,’ he said, patting her on her arm. ‘Now do get in or you’ll catch a cold. I don’t imagine you thought of bringing coats,’ he said, looking at her shivering in her sweater and slacks.

She shook her head bleakly. ‘Of course not, it’s midsummer in Chile,’ she said, thinking suddenly of Ramon and wondering what he was doing.

‘When the children are asleep you can tell me all about it,’ he said, climbing into the car.

Helena watched the grey cloud hang low in the sky like a shroud and yet it didn’t make her feel depressed as bad weather often did, but gave her a contented feeling of reassurance. It was all so familiar and so comfortable. As they drove towards the motorway she cast her eyes about her at the naked trees

with their branches stiff from the cold and the sleek black rooks that pecked at the winter fields. She remembered England like this and smiled inside.

‘It’s good to have you back, Helena,’ Toby said, glancing in the mirror to check the children were asleep. ‘Poor darlings, they’re shattered. Look.’ Helena turned her head around wearily. Hal and Federica were asleep curled up against each other like a couple of puppies. She thought of Ramon and wondered whether he was missing them or whether he had simply deleted their memories and moved on. More countries, more books, no commitments.

She sighed. ‘It’s been a while since I last talked to you. How’s Julian?’ she asked, staring at the moving ground in front of them, blinking away her fatigue.

‘Julian’s doing well. He spends a lot of time in London on assignments. He’s getting lots of work and becoming rather successful. He’ll be keeping me in my old age,’ he chuckled.

‘Lucky old you!’

‘Not really. Dad’s the same.’

‘That doesn’t surprise me. He’s a man’s man. Proud with it. He probably blames himself,’ she said.

‘It undermines his own masculinity.'

‘He’ll come round one day, don’t expect miracles. There are far more important things to get upset about. You haven’t killed anyone.’

‘No, not yet.’ He smiled. ‘But it’s been two years since I told him and he still hasn’t spoken to Julian. When Julian first arrived in Polperro he was only too happy to embrace him into the family as my friend. He was charmed by him. How narrow-minded can a person be to ostracize someone because of their sexuality, which is a private matter anyway? Especially as he liked Julian very much as a person.’

‘That hurts, doesn’t it?’ said Helena, noticing his white knuckles grip the steering wheel in frustration.

‘Yes, only because we’ve always been so close. It’s not the same now. You’ll see.’

‘He just pretends Julian doesn’t exist?’

‘Yes.’

‘How does Julian feel?’ she asked, trying to take an interest but all she could think about was her own pain.