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The Butterfly Box(42)

By:Santa Montefiore




For the first few years no one thought it was in the least bit strange that Toby Trebeka was living with another man. But when people began to notice that they never dated nor chased girls, gossip and rumour started to rise like the sea mists until it became overwhelming and impossible to ignore. Toby had been happily going about his own business, never interfering with anyone

else’s. It deeply saddened him that he should have to explain himself to anyone. But he was left no choice. He arrived one evening at his parents’ house for dinner. They were curious as to why he should invite himself for dinner in the middle of the week and an uneasy feeling invaded their home. Jake and Polly had both suspected he might be gay, but as long as it wasn’t discussed or flaunted in front of them they ignored it. Pretended it wasn’t there. Like hiding a stain in the carpet with a potted plant, they were happy to leave it unattended in spite of the friends and neighbours who talked about it behind their backs.

‘How is everything?’ Jake asked warily while Polly stirred the vegetable soup with a firm hand.

‘Fine, thanks, Dad,’ said Toby, swallowing down a gulp of wine to give him courage.

‘So all’s well then,’ said Polly from beside the Aga, her tight smile betraying her anxiety.

‘Look, Mum, Dad. I’m gay,’ Toby said bluntly. He had the same direct approach as his sister yet it still managed to take both parents by surprise. He sighed heavily and let the wine feel for him. Jake knocked back his brandy. Polly stirred the soup with vigour. For a while no one spoke. Left alone with their thoughts the silence isolated them from each other. Only Toby’s heart soared weightless in his chest, more buoyant than ever.

‘So Julian’s your.. .’

‘Lover, Dad. Julian’s my lover, my friend. I don’t expect you to understand, just to accept that this is the way I choose to live. I don’t want people gossiping about me behind your backs. You have a right to know,’ he replied, looking at his father steadily.

‘I’ve always taught you to be independent,’ Polly began, approaching the table.

‘To make a feature of our differences,’ said Toby wryly.

‘To make a feature of your differences,’ she said and chuckled. ‘Well, I’m proud of you. It takes a lot of courage to go against the tide.’

‘I think I’ve been swimming against the tide all my life,’ Toby mused, smiling sadly.

‘Well, I’ll swim with you, Toby dear,’ said Polly, bending down to kiss him.

He put his arms around her thick waist. ‘This means a lot to me, Mum,’ he choked.

‘I know,’ she replied, patting him on the back. ‘I know.’



Jake accepted it as his son had asked him to, but he never spoke about Julian or wished to see him or entertain him in his house again. Toby was mortified that suddenly a wall had been erected between them. His father had liked Julian before, but now, out of sheer prejudice, he saw him as a threat and decided to go against his initial judgement and turn against him. However, Polperro was a small village and they simply couldn’t avoid each other. When they did eventually meet one hazy Saturday morning on the quay, while Julian moored Toby’s boat, The Helena, and Jake walked past on his way to his own boat, they nodded politely, but that was as far as it went. Jake had acknowledged him without venturing further than his good manners pushed him. Toby was pragmatic. At least he had told them, there were no secrets to pull him down. The only road ahead was up.



Federica and Hal arrived at Heathrow airport dazed and exhausted. The flight had been long, stopping in Buenos Aires, Rio, Dakar, and finally Heathrow. Their world had been reduced to the small interior of the aeroplane for what had felt like an eternity. They had played games with the pencils and paper the air hostesses had given them and slept as much as they were able to, using their mother as a cushion and comforter combined. But they were restless hours punctuated by frustrating stops and once the novelty of flying had worn off they had both wept weary tears. Helena had tried to keep them distracted and she had even asked Federica to tell her the story of her box again just to use up a few more empty minutes with something.

Finally Toby’s long, smiling face loomed into focus, as he waved at them madly when they walked slowly out through customs. Neither Hal nor Federica recognized him. But Helena ran into his arms, the sobs spilling out of her lungs as the pressure of having to be strong for her children burst with relief. She rejoiced at the familiar feel of his body and the familiar scent of his skin. She was home. The nightmare was over.

‘I’m your Uncle Toby,’ said Toby, bending down and shaking Hal’s hand, which was immediately swallowed up by his long fingers. Hal clung onto his mother’s legs and looked at the strange man with suspicious eyes. Federica extended her hand and said ‘hello’ politely but without smiling. ‘You are even prettier than your mother described you,’ he said, taking Federica’s hand and shaking it gently. Then noticing her box he added, ‘What’s that you’re carrying?’