The Butterfly Box(33)

‘Fede tells me she’s going to get a dog of her very own when she gets to England,’ said Mariana and although she smiled her eyes showed their strain. She only had to imagine them leaving for her vision to cloud with misery.

‘Really, Fede? That’s wonderful,’ he said sheepishly. ‘What are you going to call it?’

‘Rasta,’ she said but she didn’t smile. Ramon felt his heart ache.

‘Why can’t I have a dog?’ Hal whined, looking up at his mother.

‘You can enjoy Rasta too,’ she said wearily, trying to sound happy when all she wanted to do was hide away and cry.

‘I want a rabbit,’ he said. ‘Are there rabbits in England?’

‘If you get a rabbit, Rasta might eat him, Hal,’ Federica said not unkindly.

‘Lidia doesn’t like dogs, so Fede will have to leave Rasta in England when we come back,’ he said, taking his mug in both hands and gulping down his iced chocolate.

Ramon and Helena caught eyes where they both remained for a long moment, staring at each other helplessly. Helena hadn’t had the courage to tell Hal that they wouldn’t ever be coming back.



When Estella appeared on the terrace, pale and ashamed, Ramon realized that Helena hadn’t told anyone about his adultery, for Mariana commented on her appearance with the same curiosity she had shown earlier.

‘Oh dear. I think Estella’s had a fight with her lover. She doesn’t look very happy,’ she said, sipping her coffee.

‘She’ll get over it,’ said Ignacio with indifference.



‘Yes, she will,’ Helena agreed without looking at her husband. ‘Some men are not worth the tears,’ she added caustically.

Estella returned to the kitchen and once more burst into tears of shame and self-pity. She recalled Señora Helena’s face, twisted with fury, as she stood as still as an icon of the Virgin Mary at the end of the bed. Don Ramon would never speak to her again. It had been heavenly but now God would surely punish her. She had only asked for a night and she had been given so much more. But it wasn’t enough. She loved him. She knew she shouldn’t. He wasn’t from her world and the class divides were as wide as they were severe. But her heart was ignorant of the boundaries and yearned for him still.



After breakfast Helena tried to encourage Federica to play with Hal, but all she wanted to do was curl up on her mother’s lap and suck her thumb, which she had stopped doing a long time ago. Helena wanted to talk to Mariana. She had only managed to tell her that Federica had been told as gently as possible that she was going to live in England. Federica had then rushed in and told her grandparents that she was going to be given a dog.

Ramon offered to take Federica down to the beach for a swim, but she held her magic box to her chest and curled up closer against her mother. Ramon felt crestfallen. Ignacio went with him instead and they talked man to man. As Helena had only informed them that Federica had been told, Ramon didn’t enlighten his father on any further details. He didn’t want to be cast in a bad light. His parents didn’t need to know any more. He thought of Estella, pictured her bowed head and the hurt in her eyes and longed to go to her.

Federica helped her mother pack their clothes while Hal made a nuisance of himself unpacking everything they put into the cases. Federica chose to carry her box herself, she didn’t want to lose it among all their clothes and Christmas presents. Ramon hurriedly searched the kitchen for Estella. He knew he didn’t have much time before they had to leave and he didn’t want to be caught again. He wandered around the house pretending to search for his camera. He found her finally in her room, weeping on her bed into the cotton and lace pahuelo her grandmother had made her. When he stood in the doorway she sniffed and told him to leave. But Ramon knew better than to believe that was what she wanted. He sat down next to her and cupped her tear-stained face in his rough hands.

‘I’m not leaving you,’ he said. ‘I’ll come back for you, I promise.’

She looked at him, startled. Her trusting brown eyes gazed up at him in bewilderment. ‘But I will have to leave,’ she stammered.

‘Why? Helena didn’t tell my parents. They think you’ve had a fight with your lover,’ he said. ‘Helena is going to England with the children. I’ll come back for you.’ It seemed so simple, so easy.

She threw her arms around him in gratitude. ‘Thank you, Don Ramon,’ she said and sobbed into his neck.

‘For God’s sake, call me Ramon.’ He laughed. ‘I think we’re intimate enough now to be rid of those silly formalities.’