As her eyes traced those verdant fields she recalled her long walks with Sam and wondered what she was going to say to him when she saw him. She hoped
he’d have returned from Scotland. She knew she’d go out of her mind with frustration if he wasn’t at home. Silently she began to rehearse the conversation. ‘Sam, there’s something I have to tell you ... no, that’s too crass . . . Sam, I love you ... no, I couldn’t, I just couldn’t. . . Sam, I realized the notes were from you and came back especially . . . no, no, horrible . . . Sam, I can’t believe it’s taken me this long to realize that I love you ... no, I can’t, I just can't be so blunt. Oh God!’ She sighed, ‘I don’t know what I’m going to say.’
As the train cut through the Cornish countryside Federica watched the cows grazing in the fields, the charming white houses and small farms and thought how incredibly beautiful it was in spite of the grey skies and rain. She fantasized about living in a small cottage with Sam, perhaps a dog or two, overlooking the sea and she smiled inside. She didn’t care for wealth or Bond Street. She didn’t care if she never went shopping again. She had certainly had enough handbags and shoes to know just how empty they could be. She yearned to be wrapped in Sam’s arms and nothing else mattered.
When the train finally drew up at the station she dragged her suitcase onto the platform and stood in the drizzle. She debated whether to go home to
Toby’s house, but her impatience drove her to climb into a taxi and head straight for Pickthistle Manor. As the car turned into the driveway her heart pounded in her chest anticipating the disappointment of finding him not there. She looked about for his car but it wasn’t parked in its usual place in front of the house. She gulped back her edginess and jumped out of the taxi, instructing him not to wait. If Sam wasn’t there she’d call Toby to come and collect her. Besides, it would be nice to see Ingrid. ‘Goddamnit,’ she murmured, ‘I’m fooling myself! If he’s not there I just want to be in the house where he’s been, sit in Nuno’s study where he’s sat, feel the echo of his presence in the air and wait.’
She strode into the hall and placed her bag on the marble floor. Then she glanced at herself in the gilt mirror that hung on the wall. She cringed and tried to tidy up her soaking hair and pinch some life into her pale cheeks.
‘Sam, is that you?’ Ingrid shouted from the landing.
‘Ingrid,’ said Federica hoarsely. ‘It’s me, Federica.’
‘Fede, darling!’ she cried happily, floating down the stairs in a long turquoise dress that reached to the ground. ‘We didn’t expect you back so soon.’
‘Well, I arrived this morning,’ she replied, casting her eyes about for Sam.
‘You must be exhausted. Poor old you. Do you want a cup of tea or something to warm you up?’ she suggested. Then she looked at Federica through her monocle, which enlarged her pale green eye so that it looked like the eye of a monstrous iguana. ‘Darling, you’re shivering. Really, you don’t look very well at all.’
‘I’m fine, thank you,’ she insisted weakly. ‘Is Sam about?’ she asked, trying to sound casual.
‘He’s out with the dogs. He’s been out all morning.’
Federica was unable to hide the smile that suddenly opened onto her face like a spring rose. ‘Would you mind very much if I went to look for him?’
‘You must borrow a coat or you’ll die of cold. You won’t be any good to Sam if you’ve died of cold, will you?’ she declared, her red lips quivering with delight.
Federica felt the blood rise to her cheeks turning them pink with embarrassment. She followed Ingrid into the cloakroom and took the boots and sheepskin coat she offered her.
‘This was Pa’s. It’s also one of Sam’s favourites. If it doesn’t keep you warm, Sam will. Try the fox path on the cliff. I imagine he’s up there,’ she said and
watched Federica run outside. In her excitement she forgot to close the door. Ingrid hoped that in her excitement she’d forget to mention Scotland.
Federica ran through the rain not caring how wet she got. The coat made it difficult to run for it was heavy and cumbersome. She searched the cliff top with anxious eyes, scanning the trees and cliffs for any sign of the dogs or their master. ‘Sam!’ she shouted, but her voice was lost on the wind. ‘Saaaam!’ She stood helplessly, watching the sea crash against the rocks below and wondered whether he’d be mad enough to venture down to the beach. She recalled her dream and shuddered. Then a movement in the trees made her turn around. She squinted her eyes against the rain and put her hand up to shield her face. First she saw two dogs then the grey figure of Sam in a long coat and hat. He stopped and stared at her. Unsure whether to trust his sight he too squinted and put his hand up to shield his face. ‘Sam!’ she shouted again.