‘I know, but it wasn’t kind.’
‘.' wasn’t kind. That was a long time ago too.’
She lowered her eyes and curled a strand of her mousy brown hair behind her ear. ‘Well, that’s just it,’ she said quietly. ‘When you kissed me all those years ago .. .’
‘Yes?’
‘And I ran off in tears.’
‘Yes.’
‘I was hurt not because you kissed me. I wanted you to,’ she said shyly and laughed with embarrassment. ‘I was hurt because of the look of disgust on your face as you did it.’
‘Oh, I’m so sorry,’ he said, shrugging his shoulders again.
‘No, don’t be, really,’ she replied hesitantly. ‘I understand now. You didn’t
like girls, I didn’t know it at the time.’
‘Why tell me now?’ he asked.
‘I thought you were dead,’ she replied, simply.
‘Oh.’
‘I’ve been meaning to tell you for years, but I had never plucked up the courage.’
‘Thank you,’ he muttered, watching her slide through the door. He followed her out.
‘Well, that’s all I wanted to say. I’ve said it now.’ She laughed nervously, shuffling her feet in the cold. Then she embraced him. Toby stood rigidly as she sighed heavily. She had never got over that first girlish crush, or the hurried kiss in the playground. ‘See you around,’ she added before hurrying off.
Toby watched her go and shook his head. ‘You know, death does the strangest things to people,’ he said to Julian.
Julian grinned. ‘People should die more often,’ he mused. ‘It brings out the best in everyone.’
Death certainly did bring the best out in everyone. Without realizing it each
member of Toby’s family had changed.
Jake had confronted his jealousy and won. Polly’s admiration for her husband had swelled thus uniting them where before his prejudice had divided them. Helena realized more than ever before the value of life and thanked God for Arthur who inflated with joy as she began to hold his hand under the table and smile at him with intimacy, the way she had when they first met. Hal emerged out of himself and began to notice those around him, albeit temporarily.
When Helena finally managed to ask Toby how his meeting had gone with Federica, she realized that it didn’t matter if they married. After all, marriage wasn’t life threatening.
‘I was surprised at how charming he was,’ Toby said, tucking into Polly’s mushroom risotto. ‘He’s much older than her, very handsome, clever.’
‘Very much the father figure, I think you’ll find,’ Julian added. ‘He couldn’t have been nicer.’
‘Will he be kind to her?’ Polly asked, as Jake filled her glass with wine.
‘She’s young,’ said Jake, ‘but she’s no fool, Polly.’
‘Oh, she knows what she wants, Dad,’ Toby reassured him. ‘There’s no
denying that. Anyhow, she’s not “little Fede” any more. She’s a woman. She’s grown up in quite a hurry since she met Torquil. She won’t budge on this one, I can tell you.’
‘She is vulnerable though, especially with a much older man who can manipulate her,' Arthur interjected.
‘Yes, she is vulnerable,’ Helena agreed. ‘She’s impressionable and this is her first love, she should probably play the field a bit.’
‘Fede’s not up to playing the field,’ Hal chuckled, squirting tomato ketchup onto his risotto.
‘Well, within reason,’ Jake argued.
‘Helena’s not suggesting she sleep around, Dad, just grow up a bit, gain a little more experience, meet other people. I agree with her. It is a worry her marrying the first man she falls in love with, however charming he may be. After all, marriage is for life,’ Toby said.
‘It should be,’ Helena added wryly.
‘It can be.’ Arthur grinned, pressing her knee with his. She winked at him coquettishly.
‘I think marriage sucks,’ Hal interjected. Helena smiled at him and shook
her head.
‘So, what do we do?’ Polly asked, draining her glass. ‘Can we really do nothing?’
‘Nothing,’ said Jake. ‘She has to sail her own ship, Polly.’
‘Well, when are we going to meet him?’ Helena asked.
They said they might come down this weekend,’ said Toby.
‘Good,’ Jake concluded with a nod. ‘Now, no more opinions until we’ve given the poor lad a chance. Any more of that risotto, Polly?’
When Molly rang Sam to let him know that Toby and Julian were alive she remembered to tell him that Federica was getting married. He nearly choked on his jealousy. ‘Don’t be ridiculous, she’s only just met him.’