“You’re to stop drafting. Entirely and immediately,” the White said.
It was like being told to stop breathing.
“I know what I’m asking,” the White said. Of course she did: she’d done it herself. But that didn’t make it any easier for Karris. “And I’m not asking. It’s an order.”
“Yes, High Mistress,” Karris said stiffly. She’d thought that the White might give her some sympathy for the death of her husband. Apparently there was no softness to be had here. Karris’s jaw was clamped tight shut, but she kept her face as blank as she could. “If I may be excused,” she said, and turned her back.
“You may not,” the White said sharply.
Karris stopped. She was a Blackguard; she knew all about hard obedience. She kept her back turned, mastering herself.
“You married Gavin Guile, the Prism,” the White said. “You’re hereby relieved of all your duties as a Blackguard. You will return your commission, effective immediately.”
Karris stopped breathing. Her knees weakened. A gust of wind tore the umbrella from her limp fingers and threw it off the roof before she could so much as blink. She stood, accepting the rain’s stinging lash. Cold outside and in. All she was, since she’d put away that fool girl who’d enjoyed boys fighting over her, all she’d made of herself, was a Blackguard. She’d barely been allowed to try to get in to the elite unit, and she’d risen to watch captain, and found that there she was content.
For two days, she’d had everything: the man and the work she loved, a hard purpose and a way to accomplish it, surrounded by those she admired—loved. Sisters and new brothers to replace those who’d died in the fire in her youth. And then she’d lost Gavin, and thought nothing could get worse. And now the White—of all people, the White!—was kicking the last leg out from the stool.
“I’m not sure why this is a shock,” the White said calmly. “A Blackguard, married to a Prism? You had to know that this would be the most likely outcome. Were you so wrapped up in your passions that you didn’t think at all?”
“You said … you said that my case was the exception that proved the rule!” Karris said.
“That was in allowing you to pursue your love and letting you resign honorably, rather than expelling you in disgrace.”
“What’s the difference?!” Karris shouted.
Gill Greyling poked his head out the door, and he and Gavin came outside, but stayed where they were at the White’s gesture. They stood impassively in the rain, but Karris knew that stance, like a leashed hound, ready to attack at a word.
“One is shame, and one is honor, and if you can’t tell the difference, you have greater problems than we can address,” the White said.
“But, but, he’s gone! Dead! It’s a moot point. I … I thought that…” Karris had thought that the rules didn’t apply to Gavin, and that by marrying him, he would stand up for her and the rules would bypass her this once, too. She’d thought perhaps she deserved this slice of happiness, that in the end, Orholam had taken pity on her.
“He’s lost. It’s not the same thing. Not yet, not for my purposes. Some on the Spectrum will want to declare him dead immediately, of course, but we will have other problems in naming a new Prism. But at the least a new Prism-elect must be named by Sun Day. We must find him before then.” She turned back to the rain, enjoying its wetness on her face, seeming to have dismissed Karris already.
“That’s it?” Karris demanded. “Now that I’ve served my purpose, I’m to be cast off?”
“In this life, we are not garments which may be washed and worn again, Karris. We are candles, giving light and heat until we are consumed. You burned more brightly than most. It has a cost. Mediocrities like me? Dim flames burn longer.”
“I’m not finished,” Karris said angrily.
“Perhaps then you are not so delicate a flower as you have believed,” the White said.
She said nothing more, and didn’t look at Karris. Karris thought of storming off, of swearing, of crying. Instead, she stood in the rain, letting it cool her anger, tame her wildness as it soaked her hair, pushing strands in front of her eyes. It took her two tries to speak. “For the longest time, I was just going to let it go, but … Why did you send me—me—to infiltrate Rask Garadul’s army?”
“Back in Tyrea?”
“It wasn’t that long ago,” Karris said. “Rask was in love with me. I had no idea. You sent me into a situation with no warning. I was captured. Could have been killed.”