“The first thing we saw was Jemma’s face. I think it took us both a second to realize that it was our little girl standing there holding us both at gun point. She looked so different than she had the last time I saw her earlier that evening. She was so pale, all of the life had drained from her eyes. She was screaming at us both asking us why we didn’t love her anymore. Then she started saying that all she wanted was to be with Nicolai. She said it over and over again. We both pleaded with her to put down the gun, it looked so big in her tiny hands but she didn’t hear us, she couldn’t because our princess was no longer present.
When she began to pull the gun up to her head Elaine and I lost all composure, she started screaming and I bolted across the room. There was no way I was going to lose another child, no way. I grabbed the hand that held the gun but Jemma wouldn’t let go. I started to plead with her.
“Please stop, princess. Please give daddy the gun.” I begged and begged.
After a few seconds she dropped it. I wasn’t prepared for it to fall, when it hit the ground it just went off. I don’t know if I ever touched it or not. I just know it went off and I watched the only woman I had ever love crumple to the floor. And then Jemma took off running and I knew I had to help my daughter. Before I took off after her I picked the gun up off the floor for fear that she might get hold of it again.”
“By the time I made it upstairs Jem had locked herself in the bathroom. She was screaming at the top of her lungs like someone was trying to kill her. I heard things being thrown around and glass shattering so I started banging on the door begging her to unlock it to no avail. When the noise stopped I began to kick the door until it gave way. The first thing I noticed was the destruction in the bathroom. She had left nothing untouched, everything was thrown around the floor, the shower door had been shattered and then I noticed the window. I climbed out and found my princess walking along the edge of the roof. Despite my pleading she refused to come back inside so I climbed out with her. I was scared to death that she would fall”
“Once again her screams begin to ring in my ear but I continued to move closer begging her to stop. Not paying attention to anything but her I tripped on the antennae cable and the gun went off. I had completely forgotten it was in my hand. Jemma jerked, lost her balance and fell from the roof. I tried to catch her but I wasn’t fast enough. I looked down and saw her lifeless body lying atop one of the bushes that surrounded the house. The next thing I know the police were there and I thought I had lost everything. Had the gun not fallen when I tripped I swear to God, right then and there, I would have put a bullet in my own head.”
He let out a small cry and wiped his face with the sleeves of his shirt. Then he turned from Julian who was shaking his head side to side and faced me.
“The police arrested me on the spot. I was so far gone by then that I had no defense for myself so I just let them keep throwing charges at me. If it were not for Tilly I would not have even had a lawyer, even though I refused to speak to anyone, she insisted on getting me the best money could buy. By the time I found out you were still alive Jem, the sickness had taken over and it seemed whatever sickness had taken over me had also taken over you because your memories of the events as they happened were gone.”
And there it was. I Jemma Lee Hale murdered my mother and my brain was too much of a coward to fess up to it. How was this supposed to help me?
Julian and I rode back to the hotel in silence. I didn’t want to talk, I didn’t want to be touched, I didn’t want any of it, life that is. I left my father’s side with him reassuring me that nothing was my fault.
“Princess, if anything that happened that night was anyone’s fault it was mine and your mother’s for not being there for you. For getting so caught up in our own selfish needs that we forgot about the one person who mattered most of all.”
But it was my fault. It was my fault because my head was broken, and I did not function like other little girls. Other little girls did not even need to ‘function’ they just woke up with smiles on their faces and went about a day of coloring and playing without a care in the world. Not me, I held guns, I killed people with said guns.
Julian tried his best to comfort me but I did not want it. I wanted every bit of the pain inside of me; I wanted to suffer for every second my father had to suffer, every second that he had to spend rotting behind bars once he left that God awful hospital.
“You had blocked out what happened for a reason and for whatever reason that was believing that I pulled the trigger then went after you made you feel better about everything. Not only did I not want to hurt you more than I already had but Tilly said you seemed happy. And if you were happy, I refused to take that happiness from you.”