I lowered my head wiping the tears from my eyes.
“I’m so sorry Brea. I stopped taking them a week and a half ago. I just wanted to be able to start off college with all of my fucking head in one place. You know what the meds do to me. It takes everything I have in me just to have to even remotely feel normal on that shit. I felt ready to be without them, ready to finally feel normal on my own. I just never anticipated anything like Julian coming back into the picture. I fucked up, I know I did!” I buried my face back to my knees and started uncontrollably sobbing. I whispered into my knees behind the tears, “Please, Brandon cannot know what I have done. It will break his heart, Brea.” I could not stop the tears from falling.
“Sorry babe, too late. I called him while you were in the shower. I had no clue what to do. You scared the flying fuck out of me!”
The news revealing that Brandon knew everything caused the sobbing to turn into all-out hysterical wailing. How could she go to him without asking me? I don’t give a damn how helpless she felt.
“Come on babe.” I felt Brea’s arm loop under my right side as she helped me to my feet.
I woke up what felt like only a few minutes later in my bed, dressed in a nightgown with a massive headache. There were voices coming from the other side of the bedroom door but they were practically whispering, other than Brea I was not exactly sure who the other voice was coming from until the door to my room opened and Brandon appeared in the doorway. He stood there for a few minutes looking like total shit, just staring at me.
If I did not know better I would say he had been crying. His eyes were bloodshot and puffy and his cheeks were red. Moving his hands to his lips Brandon let out a sigh. I could tell he was at war with himself over how to deal with me but in the end his love for the girl I could have been won him over. He walked over to the side of the bed, shrugged off his shoes and climbed in under the covers next to me.
“Roll over baby.” Brandon whispered into my ear lightly nudging my body to the side, facing the opposite direction of him. I did as he asked, selfishly needing to be rescued by the man whose heart I had broken far too many times. He put his arms around my waist and kissed the top of my head resting his on the spot where he kissed.
“I love you so much Jemma, please don’t fall apart on me. You promised not to leave me.” I cried into his arms.
I was so far from deserving anybody as good as Brandon that it was ridiculous. He was too perfect for even the most perfect person, and I was far from being perfect. Yet here he was, holding me, taking in my pain and making it his own.
Wait.....he is here, WHY is he here? HOW is he here? He isn’t here I silently told myself, you are finally going completely and totally insane. I snuggled deeper into the arms of my delusion and drifted off to sleep. Unfortunately I woke up hours later face to face with the same delusion.
How could I forgotten how breathtaking he was? It had only been a few months since we were last together but I swear he had grown even further away from the boy I had fallen head over heels for so long ago. His jaw line had become more defined, his eyes were slightly larger, his hair silkier and his hands, one of which was resting on my cheek even though he was sound asleep, were even more beautiful than I had remembered. He was so astonishingly gorgeous and unreal that I had little doubt as to whether or not he was here, so I leaned in and placed a soft kiss upon his lips. Still lost in sleep his lips began to move with mine, possessing every inch they were willing to give to him. When his eyes opened up and locked with mine he pulled away sending my heart into a panic. Why was my delusion not playing along?
“No baby, we can’t, I won’t.”
A tear fell from his face as if rejecting me was tearing him apart and then I realized the man lying next to me was even more real than last I saw him.
“You’re really here?” I asked placing my hand below his eye wiping the stray tear away.
“As real as you are baby. Please don’t kiss me again, I couldn’t handle it.”
His expression was pained and serious. How is it even remotely possible for someone as amazing as Brandon not be a figment of my imagination?
“What are you doing here, Brandon?” I asked.
“Brea called. She told me you stopped taking the lithium. I have a few days before classes start and since I had the time I thought I would come see you. Though, I would have come regardless.”
I was such a horrible person. Had only I continued on my meds everything would not be such a mess right now and Brandon would never have picked up and ran to his falling apart ex girlfriend. This is exactly what happened to my father. He thought he could deal so he stopped taking his medication and bam, he lost it.