As confusing as the woman standing before him. He didn't want to examine those feelings. Didn't want to explore the wild explosion of thoughts and sensations churning in his mind. All he wanted was her.
And he couldn't have her.
A tight fist was squeezing his heart and lungs, making it almost impossible to draw an easy breath. Finally though, he said, "So can't you see that I made a mistake? About you? Can't you forgive that and let it go?"
That sad smile curved her mouth again as she murmured, "I can forgive it, but I'm still leaving."
"Why?" That one word was a demand.
"Because I love you, Sage," she said simply. "And I deserve better."
Staggered, he couldn't think of a single thing to say. She loved him? She loved him. And she was leaving anyway? She was opening the front door and the sound and scent of a driving rain sneaked across the threshold. She loved him. Those three words kept echoing in his mind, rattling his soul.
"Before I go, though, there is one thing J.D. told me that you should know."
His eyes narrowed on her as suspicion leaped up to the base of his throat. "What?"
"God. Even now you're still wondering if I betrayed you or not."
"No." He denied it. He knew she wasn't capable of betrayal. Knew that she was too intrinsically honest to be a part of any deception. Just as he knew that when she said she loved him, she meant every word.
"J.D. was proud of you. And he regretted that the two of you weren't close." She blew out a breath. "He was heartsick that his sons believed he didn't care."
He wished he could believe that she was lying about all of this. Because if it was all true, then he and J.D. had both been cheated of the relationship they might have had.
"He also told me," she said softly, "that he left you the Lassiter Media shares so that you would always remember that you're family. So you would realize that family is important and that love is all that matters."
Then she was gone.
And he was alone.
* * *
Two weeks crawled past.
Sage didn't see her. Didn't speak to her. Didn't do much of anything, really. In that first week, he couldn't give a damn about the ranch that had once been the most important thing in his life. He didn't care about stock prices or the phone calls and emails he kept getting from the various boards of the companies he sat on.
All he could think about was Colleen and the last words she'd said to him. Words that J.D. had often said when Sage was a kid. Family. Love was everything.
Love.
Sage hadn't really known what that was until Colleen had loved him and left him. As a younger man, he'd mistaken lust for love and just as Colleen said, he'd allowed that one poor choice to color the rest of his life. He'd cut himself off, in theory to protect himself, but in reality all he'd been doing was hiding.
Well, he was through hiding. That's why he spent the second week setting wheels in motion. There were things to do. Things to be said. A life to be lived.
When Sage walked through the front door of Big Blue, he looked around and for the first time in years, he didn't cringe from the memories rushing toward him. His heart was still heavy, but that had nothing to do with J.D. Not anymore. Sage had finally come to accept that his father was just a man, as capable of making mistakes as anyone. God knew Sage had made plenty. Especially lately.
"Sage! What're you doing here?" Angie came down the stairs, a smile on her face, and rushed toward her oldest brother for a hug. "I'm so glad to see you. And hey, honored that you left your ranch."
"Yeah, well," he told her, "a lot of things have changed." And how was she going to take what he had to say to her? He didn't want to hurt his sister. Hell, he'd do anything to avoid that. He just didn't see a way around it.
"No kidding," she said wryly and he knew that she was still thinking about the will and what J.D. had done to her.
It was the perfect opening for what he'd come to say. They had talked about this before, but at the time, he hadn't made the final decision that he now had to share with his sister.
"Angie, we can't fight the will."
"What?" Confused, she said, "Why not?"
He took both of her hands in his, glanced around the entry hall and felt the years of being a Lassiter settle down onto his shoulders. He was J.D.'s son and it was high time he started acting like it.
"Because if we do that and lose, a lot of people could be hurt. Marlene. Chance..." Colleen, he thought but didn't say.
"But you said we'd do something about this. That we'd figure it all out. I thought you were on my side."
His heart squeezed. "I am on your side, honey. You're my sister and I love you. But you know, too-hell, we all know, that J.D. loved you to death." He squeezed her hands. "So he had a reason for what he did no matter how crazy it seems to us. We're going to sit back and trust that our father did the right thing."
"That's easy for you to say." Angie yanked her hands from his and glared at him. "Dad didn't turn on you."
"Yeah, I know. Just like I know that J.D. had a reason for everything he ever did. We just have to find out the reason behind this."
"And that'll make it better?" The short laugh that shot from her throat told him how she felt about that.
"Didn't say that." Shaking his head, Sage looked at his sister and tried not to see the unshed tears glittering in her eyes. "We both know J.D. would never do anything to deliberately hurt you, so there's a reason for what he did. We're going to trust it's a good one."
"I can't believe this." There was hurt in her eyes, but mostly she was furious.
Well, he could deal with an angry sister. Anger he understood.
"Angie, I spent a lot of years mad at J.D. I wasted what I could have had." Disgusted with himself and sad that missed chances could never be recaptured, he said, "I'm through wasting time. I'm through holding a grudge against our father. I love you, Angie, but I won't support you if you try to fight the will."
"Sage-"
"You, me, Dylan," he said, cutting off whatever she might have said, "we're family. And love is all that matters."
She choked out a strained laugh. "You sound just like Dad."
Sage grinned. "About time, don't you think?"
* * *
Colleen hadn't expected love.
At thirty-one, she'd long ago given up on the whole Prince Charming thing and had made up her mind to enjoy her career and her life, and if love found her, then great. If not, that would be okay, too.
Well, love had found her. When she'd least expected it, love had arrived. "And lucky me, now I know exactly what it's like to try to live without it."
The past two weeks had been awful. Just awful. She was tired of putting on a happy face for her mother-but it was necessary because she didn't want her mom worrying. And it was a strain pretending everything would be great to Jenna-who wanted to drive up the mountain and kick Sage. The worst part of it all was trying to get by on fifteen minutes of sleep every night.
Sage was on her mind all the time. She couldn't sleep, couldn't eat-at least she'd lost six pounds-and just the thought of never being with him again made Colleen want to crawl into a hole and die. How was it possible, she wondered, for your whole world to change completely in just a matter of weeks?
Looking back, she could see how it had all happened. She'd been half in love with Sage from the moment J.D. had told her the first story about his oldest son. She was lost from the moment she'd seen him at the rehearsal dinner. And now she was just lost.
Sitting at the table in her condo kitchen, she looked over the sales papers and signed her name at every highlighted X. The condo was sold and she was now officially homeless. She still had to finish qualifying as a nurse practitioner, but most of that could be done online. And when she had to come to Cheyenne for classes, she was willing to drive down off the mountain to do it. She was ready for change. Ready to start living the rest of her life.
All she needed now was to find a place to live.
"Poor little rich girl," she murmured, flipping through the pages. Three million dollars and no home to call her own. She'd have to start over, looking for a place, because she couldn't buy that cabin. Not now. Not ever. She wouldn't be able to live there, remembering the passion, the incredible sense of rightness that she'd felt with Sage so briefly.
"It's okay," she told herself, signing her name with a flourish. "I'll find something else. There's more than one cabin in the mountains. I'll still-"