The Birds and the Bees(49)

‘They're just around the corner to the left,' said Catherine in a low  whisper. Then she started doing an odd eye-blinking thing to Stevie, as  if trying to deliver a message in Morse code. Bizarre as it was, Stevie  understood it. But then they had been friends for four thousand years.

‘Oh … er … Adam, I know you've seen Catherine but you haven't really said a  proper hello yet so, anyway … erm … this is Catherine and Eddie, my best  friends. Cath, Eddie – this is Adam.' Hands were shaken and smiles  exchanged. He had quite a nice smile, Stevie noticed, as he flashed it  at Catherine. Modest, warm and genuine.

‘Can I get you a drink, mate?' said Eddie.

‘Naw, thanks. I think we'll head awf and get one ourselves in a wee  minute,' said Adam, taking another look around and waving at someone.

‘You look bloody lovely,' whispered Catherine to Stevie.

‘Do I? I could be sick with nerves!'

‘You look like a proper couple. You're both glowing. Interesting, that.'

‘Oh shut up. I just wish they'd see us and be done with it. Where's Danny?'

Catherine pointed over to the Bouncy Castle. He was with Catherine's brood and having the time of his life.

‘He won't come over even if you shout. You are one of the forgotten,  like us,' said Catherine, and gently pushed her forward. ‘Go and be  seen, my love.'

‘Come on,' said Adam, and he reached down and took up her hand. Stevie  stared at it enclosed in his big square one and rounded her eyes at  Catherine, who gave her a sly thumbs-up and a schoolgirl-giddy smile.  Then, as if she was attached to a very energetic Doberman Pinscher,  Stevie lurched forwards as Adam proceeded to move.                       
       
           



       

‘There they are,' said Adam, tightening his grip. ‘Stay calm and if you  want to pretend you haven't seen them, keep your eyes right on the  conservatory.'

It was Catherine, watching in the background, who recorded what happened  next. As she was to tell it later to Stevie, Jo and Matthew were  walking slowly back into the throng engaged in beautiful couple  conversation with an equally tall and willowy pair. As Jo's lovely head  swung around, her eyes touched upon her ex, holding hands with Stevie,  and her whole body seemed to stiffen to the extent that, for a moment,  she was almost one of Pam's garden statues. Matthew followed her  eye-path and saw them too. He hadn't imagined it then, they really were a  couple. Here was the indisputable proof. Both of them watched as Adam  moved fluidly towards the drinks table. Then he bent to Stevie as if to  ask her what she wanted, and she placed a hand at the back of his neck  as she was speaking into her ear.

Beautiful! thought Catherine, watching the little touch that spoke of  more intimacy than if they'd started shagging on the grass in front of  everyone. Then Adam poured her a drink first and himself one second,  then they very gently chinked their glasses and, after a respectable  time, with a protective arm curled around her, Adam steered her back in  the direction of her friends. Their movements were Bolshoi Ballet  perfect.

Matthew's mouth hung so widely open, it would have been easy to think  the shock had dislocated his jaw. Never in his wildest dreams had he  imagined that if they were together, they would be so brazen as to be  seen in public. And what's more, they were acting as if they had been  together years, easy and comfortable in each other's company. And she  was holding his hand! He stole a tentative look at Jo, who now knew what  he did, and he was suddenly afraid at what that information would do to  her. He could see her trying to act natural but she was a mess of  nervous, annoyed gestures; the fingers on the hand not holding her glass  were working at each other, her eyes were blinking and it was costing  her a considerable effort to keep them away from her ex. Her smile was  stiff. She looped her arm possessively through Matthew's and forced him  back into the conversation, but his brain was scrambled egg and he  wasn't contributing much other than the strained village idiot grin of  the disengaged.

‘You did good,' said Adam, kneading at the back of his neck. It felt as if someone had been using his muscles to do macramé.

‘I feel shaky as hell,' said Stevie.

‘We're okay. The worst is over and the good news is, I think it's working.'

‘Oh, that was a beauty. Nicely understated,' said Catherine, butting in.  ‘Well, they definitely know now you're a couple, and they both looked  far from happy about it.'

‘Really?' Adam and Stevie said in unison.

‘Everyone all right?' said Pam, making her usual big appearance.  ‘Stevie, I have to ask, when did you get to be so chuffing gorgeous?'

Pam might as well have put her on a rotating pedestal with neon arrows  pointing to her. Stevie blushed and fobbed the compliment off, as the  others teased her. Adam found himself looking at her through man glasses  and realized with a shock how lovely his companion appeared to  everyone. Of course, he had given her a cursory once-over when he first  saw her, but now he studied the detail of her – the tousled golden hair,  the sky-blue eyes, the curves you could time eggs by. He wrenched his  eyes quickly away, not wanting to look at her like that. That was not in  his plan at all.

Pam was laughing like a drain. She took Stevie's drink from her and gave it to Adam.

‘I'm taking this one away for a bit. I'll bring her back safe and sound  in a moment, promise,' she said, threading her arm through Stevie's and  proceeding to lead her off. ‘Come here, you – I want to show you  something.' They walked off towards the conservatory because there was  no saying ‘no' to Pam. It was a family trait – you just didn't argue with a  née Manning girl.

‘What are you showing me then?' asked Stevie.

‘Oh, this and that,' said Pam enigmatically. ‘Come and look at my new  conservatory.' She picked off two glasses of champagne from a tray in  the kitchen and led Stevie off to the big sunshiny room. Pam didn't do  ‘little'. Except Stevie. Stevie was a small person she was very glad to  know.

‘So how's married life?' asked Stevie, after she had admired the huge  comfy and colourful bouncy sofa in the room. If Pam had been an object  of furniture, she would have been that sofa.

‘Fuck married life. Tell me about you and Adam MacLean. How long has that been going on?'                       
       
           



       

‘Oh … er … not long,' bluffed Stevie.

She would have to be careful in this interrogation. She didn't want to  lie to Pam, but neither did she want to blow it by spilling the beans  that they were actually only pretending to be together. Pam's mouth was  as big as an aircraft hangar.

‘I have to say you could have knocked me down with a feather when I heard about you and Matthew, Steve.'

‘Me too,' said Stevie.

‘You didn't know it was coming?'

‘No, not a clue,' said Stevie.

‘He'll be sorry,' said Pam, shaking her head. ‘When he comes to his senses.'

‘I doubt it,' said Stevie. ‘Jo's pretty spectacular.'

‘She'll be even sorrier. I never took to her, you know. Neither did  Will. Too far up her own arse,' Pam said with a derisory sniff.

‘No?' Okay, Stevie got a thrill that Pam and Will hadn't liked Jo,  especially because Pam was not the type to say something just to make  her feel better.

‘Something cold about her, I always thought. Eyes like a dead haddock.  Cut her up like a stick of rock and the word ME would be written all the  way through. Not what I would have thought Matthew would go for at all,  the stupid man. I do so like Matthew.' Pam belched and tutted, ‘God,  I'm such a class act! That's posh drinks for you.'

‘Pardon you,' said Stevie, grinning.

‘I don't know Adam as well as I know Matthew, but he strikes me as a  really nice guy and I hope it works out for you both. Will thinks he is a  great bloke and you look really good together. Bloody odd but good.'  She clinked her glass against Stevie's. ‘Shall I save you my wedding  dress?' She roared with laughter.

‘Let him get divorced first,' said Stevie.

‘What you on about, girl? He's a free agent – he is divorced.'

‘Divorced from Jo? What, already?' Stevie was confused.

‘No, you barmpot. Divorced from his first wife. He's not married to Jo.  MacLean is her maiden name. One of those coincidences that probably  started the conversational ball rolling between them,' Pam huffed.

‘I never asked, I just presumed … ' said Stevie.