‘I don't know how he'll react if Matthew and I don't get back together, Cath. He takes disappointment so badly.'
Catherine gave her a comforting tap tap on the shoulder. ‘All kids take disappointment badly, Steve. It's not just Danny; he's a normal little kid with little kid funny little ways. Some carry comfort blankets, some suck their thumbs, sleeves or collars – it's what they do at four. You are a GOOD MOTHER. He gets more love and attention from you than most kids do with two parents, and if the worst happens, he'll cope. He'll have to, and so will you.'
Catherine knew, of course, what was mostly on her friend's troubled mind as she continued, ‘Stevie, he didn't know Mick and he hardly got used to Matthew. He won't be damaged.'
‘But he asks me, if his daddy loved him, why did he die and leave him? Then he'll see that another man who supposedly loved him has left him too. It's laying down a pattern for him. He'll be in therapy by the time he's six, thinking he's been rejected by two fathers.' Stevie suddenly stamped her foot as a bubble of frustration burst inside her. ‘You know, I'm really angry at Matthew for putting Danny through this more than I am for myself. All the time we were living together, supposedly happily becoming a family, he was carrying on with her. Didn't it even cross his mind that Danny was getting closer to him every day and would get hurt?'
‘Well, blokes don't think past their dicks half the time,' said Catherine, ‘and we don't know when they started getting it together, do we? I'm sure Matthew wouldn't have moved you in if he wasn't serious about you, which makes me think it's a pretty recent thing so there's a good chance it will be like a cheap firework and die quickly. Good news you're getting angry, though. It's far more healing than getting upset.'
‘Thanks for helping me out so much and for having Danny, Cath.'
‘Don't be daft, he's no trouble at all – it's just one more plate on the table for me. In fact, the kids behave better when he's here. Outsiders divert them from killing each other. Anyway, I think I owe you a few, after all you've done for me in your time.'
Catherine's family, close as they purported themselves to be, were never that keen on helping in practical ways. Before Kate was old enough to extort massive babysitting fees in exchange for the job, it had been Stevie who looked after them sometimes, to give Catherine and Eddie a few hours' break together. It had been Stevie who did most of the vacuuming and washing and ironing in the background when Catherine's babies arrived, whilst the relatives were sitting on their fat backsides drinking tea and cooing. Catherine never forgot that.
‘Matthew's coming round later when Danny goes to bed,' said Stevie. ‘He came after me yesterday and caught me up in the foyer, just before I got my taxi home.'
Catherine stopped mid-pour. ‘Did he say what for?'
‘No, he just made arrangements to come over and then disappeared. How were they after I'd gone?' She knew Matthew hadn't been slaughtered en route back to the table because she'd checked the local news on Ceefax first thing that morning and there was no mention of ‘Mad Highland Nutter Axeman Kills Love Rival at Wedding'.
‘Much the same,' said Catherine, plonking the biscuits in front of Stevie. ‘They were just talking, nothing else.'
‘Did they leave together?'
Catherine didn't answer, which answered the question anyway.
Stevie sighed heavily. ‘Do you know, one minute I think he might be coming round to tell me he doesn't want me to move out, and then the next … I mean, if they left together, that means it's still on between them, doesn't it? He's not alone at that B&B, is he?' Oy, you, think positive! reminded her inner mantra, but it was so very difficult.
‘I don't know, Steve, but there's no point in driving yourself barmy speculating; you'll have to wait and see what he has to say. Have you eaten? You hardly had a thing yesterday.' She pushed the biscuits almost up Stevie's still-tender nose.
‘I've not got much appetite. I went into the supermarket first thing this morning to see if I could find anything to tempt it back, and only bumped straight into that flaming man MacLean again, didn't I.'
‘Didn't have anything embarrassing in your trolley, did you?' Catherine laughed gently. ‘Like a monster pack of All Bran and loads of toilet rolls.'
‘Worse,' said Stevie.
‘Oh God, no! Not pile cream!'
‘Not even close.'
‘What?'
‘Only the world's largest cucumber.'
‘No!' Catherine let loose a peal of horrified laughter.
‘His trolley was so full of booze the wheels were nearly flat. Typical piss-head Scot.'
‘A cucumber! NO! Did he say anything? Sorry!' she apologized for not being able to control herself. She was shaking with laughter.
‘Yes, he made some crack about "adjusting to single life quickly".'
‘NO!'
‘Then he forced me to listen to his advice that I should play this exactly the opposite to what Matthew might expect of me.'
‘That's what you're doing, isn't it?'
‘Yes,' said Stevie, ‘but I'm a woman and he probably doesn't think I have the capacity for such logical thought. Chauvinistic butt-ugly thug.'
‘Actually … ' began Catherine, then snapped off what she was going to say.
‘What?'
‘Nothing.'
‘Oh go on, say it.'
‘You'll hate me if I do.'
‘Try me.'
‘Well, Eddie thought he seemed a nice bloke,' said Catherine tentatively. ‘Genuine.'
‘Oh, come on, Cath, he's bound to have developed a super-charm gland, looking like that,' said Stevie with a mirthless laugh. ‘Otherwise he couldn't have pulled someone who looked like Joanna. Think about it.'
‘I thought he was quite attractive close up,' said Catherine, ‘especially with all that hair off. And he has fabulous legs. Bet his thighs are … '
‘Stop, you're making me ill.'
‘He was looking after all the old relatives. He seemed to know all the steps to the dances.'
‘It's something he'll have learned in the Highlands. It's how they unwind after biting the heads off live Sassenachs for breakfast. Hitler probably knew a few swanky moves. Apparently he could be quite charming too.'
‘You're being silly now.'
‘I don't like him,' said Stevie. ‘You won't convince me he's a really nice bloke.'
For once, Catherine didn't try. The last person she had said was a ‘really nice bloke' was Matthew, and look how that seemed to have turned out.
Chapter 18
Danny was tired out and asleep by half past seven, which left one and a half hours of absolute nerve-jangling torture in which the hands of the clock seemed to stay so still that at one point Stevie lifted it to her ear to see if it was still working. The time went trebly slow from nine o'clock until five past, when Matthew's black Punto pulled up outside. For the seven millionth time, Stevie quickly checked her precisely chosen casual clothes in the mirror and looked to see that there was no lipstick on her teeth. Matthew knocked on the door, which indicated a big marker of their estrangement, and Stevie was careful not to jump too quickly to open it. Slowly, slowly, she paced herself. She opened, smiled, invited him in and then went to sit in the big winged armchair.
Adam's words suddenly reverberated very loudly in her head. ‘Play it exactly the opposite tae how he'd expect you tae behave.' Not that she was going to play it any other way, but he made her push it that one notch further. Matthew would have expected her to be tarted up to the nines ready to seduce him back. He would have expected her to sit on the sofa in the hope that he would join her and not be able to resist snuggling up. He would have expected her to have the kettle on and offer him tea, so she did none of those things.
‘What can I do for you?' said Stevie with a small smile.
‘Well, firstly I came to see if there was any post,' said Matthew.
‘It's on the hall table waiting for you,' said Stevie, still clinging on for grim death to her friendly nice-lady smile.
‘And secondly … ' He raked his hand through his thick dark hair. ‘Sorry, it's a bit awkward. I thought you should know, because I don't want there to be any lies between us' – which made Stevie gulp down the biggest sarcastic laugh her voice box could hope to create – ‘I … er … asked Joanna out last night.'