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The Birds and the Bees(2)

By:Milly Johnson


A light bulb went on in Stevie's head.

‘I'll ring him!'

‘You think he's going tae answer, do ya?' said the big Scot with a  mocking laugh. Ignoring him, Stevie picked up the house phone and rang  the short-dial for Matthew's number. She waited, heard the dialling  tone, and a second later a muffled version of the song, ‘Goodbye-ee'  started playing nearby. Stevie put the phone down, opened a drawer and  retrieved the mobile tinkling out its mocking ringtone.                       
       
           



       

‘Cocky bstarrr',' said Adam with a low but nasty growl.

‘It's from Oh What a Lovely War,' explained Stevie. ‘It's his favourite musical.'

Those details didn't help either of them. In fact, they made Adam want  to not only smack Finch in the teeth but knock them all out as well and  replant them in his skull.

‘Well anyway,' Adam said, the fire of his fury now dropping to still hot  but more quietly burning embers, ‘I thought you had the right tae  know.'

‘Thanks for telling me,' said Stevie numbly, which sounded a bit odd – but  what did one say in these circumstances? What was the correct protocol  after being informed that one's fiancé was knocking off someone else's  wife in the middle of Majorca? Especially when still in a state of  denial, despite all the hard evidence. Bravely, her mind was still  manically sifting through the information available, looking for the  loophole that would enable her to say, ‘Ah ha, you've got it all wrong,'  because it was there, she was sure of it. Matthew wouldn't, he just  wouldn't do this. She knew him inside out. She knew that he wouldn't,  couldn't be that cruel.

Adam stroked his red beard like a small facial pet. ‘Right, I'll go then.'

‘Yes, I think you should rather,' said Stevie, and almost blindly showed  him out without further comment. Then she shut the door hard on him and  stood behind it, fighting the urge to slither down it and become an  emotional mess on the floor.

She went to the dresser where they kept their passports, hardly daring  to open it in case Matthew's wasn't there. Of course it's there, don't  be stupid, Stevie, she reprimanded herself, and opened the drawer with  one swift, sure movement – but she couldn't find it. Yet it was always  there with her own, the pages of his around hers, as if they were  spooning. Maybe he moved it. Maybe he threw it away because it was out  of date. Maybe he needed to take it with him as a form of ID. Her head  tried its best to rationalize the passport's absence, but it couldn't  compete with the mighty guns of the information on the booking form.

And then smoke started billowing out of the kitchen and set off the  alarm, and it felt like all hell had been let loose in her head.



Danny came home to find all the downstairs windows open in the hope of  clearing the acrid smell of burnt baking, and his mum covered in even  more flour, frenetically stirring up an anaemic and lumpy mixture in a  bowl. Stevie forced herself into jolly mode as he ran in to greet her.  She grabbed him and picked him up and kissed him and asked him all the  right questions: Did he have a nice time? Did he mind his manners? Did  he throw the ball for Chico and Boot, like he was going to? Catherine  noticed how desperately she seemed to bury her head into his hair and  how tightly she cuddled him.

‘Is that my cake?' asked the little boy with a much-wrinkled nose as he  looked over his mum's shoulder at the still-smoking charcoal lumps in  the cake-tin.

‘No, of course not,' said Stevie, sniffing back the tears that his baby  smell had brought rushing up her ducts. ‘I'm making yours now; it's  going to be very special.'

‘Go upstairs, love, and get your pyjamas on,' said Catherine, sending  him away with a light pat on his bottom. Then, when she was sure he was  out of earshot, she said, ‘So who the hell was that?'

‘Adam MacLean.'

‘Ada … As in that Jo's husband? What did he want?'

‘I'll never get this cake done. I've only got one egg left.'

‘Sod the cake, Stevie,' said Catherine to her friend, who looked as grey  as the horrible stuff in the bowl. ‘Look, go and put the kettle on and  I'll tuck Danny up and read him a quick story. Then we'll talk.'

‘I haven't said good night to him.'

‘One night won't kill either of you. He's bushed, anyway. He's been  bouncing about since he came back from school and I bet he won't even  notice. I'll be back in ten minutes max,' and with that Catherine rushed  upstairs, leaving Stevie feeling far more of a helpless child than her  four year old currently slipping into his ‘Incredibles' pyjamas and  about to clean his teeth with Strawberry Sparkle toothpaste.

She had not brewed the tea by the time Catherine returned. She was still  stirring the limp liquid in the bowl, her head scrabbling for a  solution to the cake problem because she couldn't let Danny down. She  had promised him a wonderful cake to take into class and she always kept  her promises. Double always for her son.                       
       
           



       

‘I promise I'd never do anything to hurt you,' Matthew had said. It was  just a shame other people weren't as conscientious, it seemed.

‘Is he okay?' asked Stevie.

‘Course he is. Out like a light.'

‘What happened to your hair?' said Stevie. The sight of it was claiming a huge percentage of her attention.

‘Marilyn Monroe bleaching kit from abroad, don't ask. And don't ever let  our Kate use you to test out her eBay buys. Bloody student beauticians!  Anyway, never mind about me, what's been going on? What did Billy  Connolly want?'

‘Oh, just to tell me that Jo has run off with Matthew to Magalluf.' She  said it so matter-of-factly that Catherine presumed she was joking and  laughed.

‘Oh, right. Stupid lout! Did you say you'd ring the police? What is he on? Run off with Jo, ha. As if Matt … '

Her words dried up as Stevie handed her the booking confirmation and her  mouth moved like a goldfish that was wondering where all the water in  his bowl had gone. She read it three times and each time it seemed more  ridiculous than the last.

‘No! He wouldn't … he couldn't do that to you! Not Matthew. Where is he? Have you rung him?'

‘He left his mobile at home.'

‘Did you check it for text messages?'

‘It's wiped clean. And there's no number for Jo in his phone book.'

‘Well, have you looked for his passport?'

‘It's gone,' said Stevie, crumbling a little more. It was starting to  sink in that this might actually be happening to her. That Redbeard  might be right.

Catherine looked at the paper again. ‘Is it genuine?'

‘Why would he make it up?'

‘Because … er … ' Catherine tried to think of something constructive to say,  but all that came out was another flurry of denials. ‘No way would  Matthew do this to you! Not him. Not Matt!'

‘It looks as if he has, Cath,' said Stevie in the sort of voice that  Catherine's youngest used when she was trying very desperately to be  brave. She continued to stir until Catherine forcibly extracted the bowl  from her, gently, because it looked as if Stevie badly needed something  to hold onto, and gripping the spoon seemed to be the only thing  keeping her from falling over.

‘This isn't going to make a cake, ever,' she said. ‘Not even a starving  Oliver Twist would want a second helping of this. Come on, leave it.  I'll get our Kate to knock one up tonight and I'll bring it over in the  morning. It's the least she can do after this,' and she pointed upwards  at her pink cloud of hair. Stevie gave none of her usual protests and  just said a weary, ‘Thank you.' Then Catherine tipped the mix down the  sink. She was impressed. Stevie had actually managed to make it thinner  than water.

‘Danny wanted to start calling Matt Daddy,' said Stevie. ‘It was a good job I told him to wait until after the wedding.'

‘Look, Stevie, you need to talk to Matthew and find out what is going  on. Will he ring you, to say he's arrived in wherever he's supposed to  be – Inverness?'

‘Aberdeen. Maybe. He hasn't been away before for any length of time so I  don't know what the usual sequence of events would be,' Stevie  shrugged. She didn't know if he would ring or not. She didn't know  anything any more.

‘Of course he'll ring,' said Catherine heartily. Every man was innocent  until proven guilty. Except Mick, who should have been hung, drawn and  quartered and his knackers cut off before he'd even got to trial.  Although she shouldn't think ill of the dead.