Xavier de Santis had then given her a third option and, she had to admit, it was the best one. She had no idea what a bath with jets was like, but the thought of having her own room and being out of the cold was too attractive to pass up.
Dangerous, though. Don’t forget you can’t keep it, you can’t ever keep it. Not unless it’s yours.
Oh, she knew that. She knew that all too well. This was only for a night, like the knife in her lap was only for a night. But in a way, that’s why it was acceptable. If it was only for a night, she couldn’t get too attached to it. And anyway, when her choices were freezing to death or being attacked by a bunch of assholes high on meth, staying the night in some rich guy’s house was a pretty good option.
Hell, if he’d insisted on sex, she might even have given it to him.
She shot him a surreptitious glance as he pressed a button on the partition behind him, talking to the limo driver through an intercom.
He’d told her no, he wasn’t going to insist on sex and she’d been relieved, she couldn’t deny it. There had been girls she’d known who sold their bodies in return for money and various other things, but she’d never wanted to do it herself. So far, she’d even managed to avoid sexual assault and the other nastiness that came the way of any woman living on the streets alone.
She knew that was luck and that eventually her luck would run out. That she’d either end up giving her virginity to some guy for money, or she’d be attacked and have it taken from her by some guy by force. Quite frankly, that made the whole selling-yourself-for-money thing almost reasonable, because at least it would be her choice. And at least she’d get something out of it. But she hadn’t quite brought herself to take that step yet.
Asking Mr. de Santis if he wanted sex from her had felt weird, especially when intellectually she knew that he probably wouldn’t. A guy like him would have his pick of beautiful women dripping in jewels or whatever, and the last thing he’d want is her. But still, she needed to ask, just to get it out there.
What if he’d said yes?
She eyed him.
He was issuing instructions or something, she wasn’t really paying attention to what he was saying, and maybe the driver had said something funny, because he laughed. The sound made her tense, in the same way the warmth of the car and the give of the seat under her had made her tense. It was a . . . rough sound, yet soft too. Deep. Kind of silky, like fur. Like the thick black lashes that framed the intense blue of his eyes and the thick black hair that he was running his fingers through just now, spiking it up.
The corners of his eyes creased, his long mouth curling in a smile.
Something shuddered inside her, as if she were a tree and someone had just landed an ax blow to her trunk.
She tore her gaze away and stared at the glass facade of the building instead, trying not to take any notice of the disturbing feeling. Lights glowed behind the glass, warm and welcoming.
She’d walked past buildings like this one many times, yet she’d never gone inside any of them. Once, when she’d been younger and it had been cold, she’d tried to go into one of those big department stores to get warm for a couple of minutes, but had been yelled at by the doorman before she’d even managed to step through the doors.
After that, she’d kept her distance. She didn’t want to be where she wasn’t wanted and she certainly didn’t want to be yelled at.
As if to punctuate that, the limo door suddenly opened, letting in a burst of frigid air. She almost gasped as it hit her.
Getting soft already, huh?
Mia bit down on the sound, steeling herself as the cold went straight through her wet shoes and jeans, the sleeves of her overcoat brushing damply against her fingers. Yes, God, this was why she couldn’t relax into any of this, couldn’t just take the moments of comfort she had. Because when they were gone, it made the reality of her situation so much harder.
Alternatively, it could give you something to aim for.
That was true. Because it wasn’t as if she accepted the reality of the streets either. Sure, she lived that reality every day, but that didn’t mean she accepted it as permanent. She wanted more than that and she intended to have it.
Not that she’d ever have this glass-and-steel building or the soft leather warmth of the limo. But she could have something that was hers. That wasn’t a spot behind a Dumpster in an alleyway.
“We’re here.” Xavier’s deep voice behind her. Too close.
She moved, getting out of the car and stepping onto the sidewalk. A tall man in a uniform was holding the car door open for her, which was really strange. No one had ever held a door open for her before. He smiled at her too and she didn’t know what to say so she said nothing, staring instead at the big building in front of her.