Because I didn’t want to scare her away.
He laid back and covered his face with one arm, releasing a strangled, tortured groan. Emotions warred inside him, each fighting for dominance in a mind filled with chaotic thoughts: anger, despair, denial, and pain. Unfortunately, the agony filling his heart and soul were winning, held back somewhat by denial.
She’s not dead. She’s not dead. I needed more time.
Squeezing his eyes tightly shut to decrease the burning sensation beneath his eyelids from tears he refused to shed, he swallowed a sob that was rising in his chest. He and Mia were a pair, and he didn’t work without her. They’d been married for two years, clicking together like puzzle pieces that were only complete when they were interlinked, almost from the moment they’d met. He’d never believed in love at first sight or an instant connection…until he’d met his wife. They were complete opposites in so many ways, yet they belonged together. That feeling had been there for him from the very beginning of his relationship with his wife, but he’d stayed in denial, thinking that the way he’d felt about her would eventually subside to a manageable level.
It never did. And honestly, Max knew it never would have. He had just been too big of an idiot to admit it.
Sitting up, he wrapped his arms around his knees and rocked, fighting against every rational thought that entered his head about his wife’s disappearance. If he started thinking logically, he’d have to admit she was probably dead. Mia wouldn’t disappear and not contact him. She might be a little careless with her own safety at times, ditching his security whenever she could, but she was never thoughtless. There was no way she wouldn’t contact him unless she physically couldn’t.
“Where are you, Mia?” he whispered huskily, his voice desperate. “Don’t do this to me. Please. I need you.”
I should have told her I loved her more often, spent more time with her instead of jetting from place to place in search of world domination and trying to hide the primitive instincts she brought out in me. I shouldn’t have run away. She might have been able to deal with that part of me, just like she dealt with everything else.
In reality, he hadn’t given her the chance. He’d never let himself completely open up to her, had never told her exactly how he felt. Now, when it was too late, he regretted it.
Rocking harder, he opened his eyes, and the tears finally flowed. He swiped an arm across his eyes, cursing angrily as he roughly removed the droplets from his ravaged face, but they kept returning, and that only pissed him off more.
Stumbling to his feet, he moved to the edge of the water and waded in, so damn tempted to lose himself in the ocean if it was the only way he and Mia could be together again.
She’s not dead. She’s missing. I’m not giving up on her!#p#分页标题#e#
“Mia!” His hoarse shout was carried away across the water by the brutal wind, his body shivering as he called desperately, “Come back.”
No one answered, and he fell to his knees in the frigid water, letting it lap over his chest. His tears mingled with the water, and his hopelessness and anguish burst from his throat in a painful sob. And then another. And another.
The waves pushed his body toward the shore, and he let the momentum carry him. When he reached the sand, he crawled on his hands and knees for a short distance before collapsing on the beach.
Stop fucking crying. She’s not dead. She’s out there somewhere. You need to find her.
Coughing hard, he tried to stem the harsh sounds erupting from his mouth, angry that he was already mourning a wife who hadn’t yet been proved dead. So what if the police and everyone else thought she was deceased? He wasn’t giving up. He’d never give up.
There was no activity on her bank accounts, no sign she was still alive. But he wasn’t going to stop until he found her. Barely sleeping since she had disappeared, he’d spent the last week tearing through Tampa looking for her, hiring private resources when the police were basically shaking their heads in resignation.
“I won’t give up on you, sweetheart. I promise,” he muttered, his lips gritty from the sand that was beginning to coat the inside of his mouth as he inhaled. “I’ll wait forever.”
His vision blurring, he stared determinedly at the crashing waves, exhaustion overwhelming him. He could see lights in the distance, boats passing through his line of vision in the dark night. Blinking, he tried to stay conscious, but blackness covered him and he succumbed to it, knowing he wasn’t leaving this beach tonight. Maybe he never would. Maybe he’d stay here until he died or Mia came back to him.