It never occurred to Callie to feel afraid. Normally, she would have balked at the idea of taking such a small boat into open water, but Logan exuded a quiet calm, and she knew she was safe with him. Logan stayed quiet as he rowed, flexing his whole body with each stroke of the oars. The way he pulled the boat across the water seemed effortless, like it was an extension of his body. He breathed in time with his strokes and the crashing of the swells against the hull.
Darkness had started to fall. Behind her, Callie could see the lights of the Newport Bridge and the fort out on the point. Logan kept rowing, farther and farther out.
As the land receded farther into the distance, and the sun dipped below the horizon, Callie finally cleared her throat and spoke. “Logan, why are we out here.”
“I need to explain something to you about myself,” he said. He stopped rowing and let the boat glide forward. As it slowed, it gently rocked back and forth in the water.
“Is there a reason why we had to come out in this boat for you to do it?” she asked.
“This boat saved my life,” he said.
“What do you mean? Like you were drowning and someone in this boat plucked you out of the water?” This was all a bit confusing.
“In a figurative sense, yeah. In a literal sense, no. I built it. A few weeks ago, right after you had gotten here, you asked me why I am the way I am. I didn’t answer you, but I’ve been trying to figure out a way to explain things to you. My mother died when I was in college. It was late spring. I hadn’t thought much of her being sick. She had been sick on and off for years, and when her health went downhill, I didn’t come back home until it was almost too late. I flew back to Wyoming from Boston, and I spent a week by her side. That’s what I was thinking of as I rowed out here. I was thinking about the last time I saw her. I wanted to stay with her until she got better, but she insisted that I go back to school and finish the semester.
She knew me better than anyone, knew that I would get in trouble if I didn’t have something to occupy my time, knew that I was best when I had a concrete task before me, something tangible, so she arranged an internship here for me over the summer. She loved the ocean, you know. She loved this town and the big house on the water. The internship was with a boat builder. She thought it would do me good. Anyway, that last day, the last time I saw her, I made her promise me that she’d stick around long enough for me to finish this boat and bring her for one last trip around the harbor.
“Logan,” Callie said, leaning forward and placing her hand over his, “I had no idea.”
“She died a week later,” he said.
Callie could hear his voice break as he finished the sentence. In the half dark, she thought she could see tears on his cheeks. She took a long slow breath and tried to keep from crying too. “I didn’t know. I’m so sorry.”
“Don’t be,” he replied. “I wanted to tell you. I wanted to share this with you. The week after her funeral, I flew back to Newport and started the internship. Within a few days, the builder knew why I was there. I worked twelve hours a day, cutting and scraping and molding the wood, working and reworking every last detail. I channeled all of my frustration and anger into this boat, all of my heartache. I had been a terrible son. I had done so many things wrong, but I swore I would do everything I could to do this right. No detail was too small. No imperfection could stay. I must have redone the finish a dozen times before it came out right.
“I vowed not to stop until perfect, and then one day, it was. Every inch was complete, and I wasn’t angry anymore. I was still sad, but I felt like she was there with me, telling me it was time to let go. When everything had set and cured, it was mid fall. That afternoon, I had driven down from Cambridge, and it was raining a fine, cold mist when I put the boat in the water. I rowed out, into the dusk. I put my head down, and I rowed and rowed and rowed until I rounded the point and reached the open ocean. I rowed until my hands were raw and my lungs felt like they were on fire. I rowed until the land in the distance faded away to small pinpoints of light on the horizon, and then I stopped. Out there in the ocean, the clouds had lifted away, and the night sky was the clearest I had ever seen. I knew she was there with me, watching over me. Then the wind picked back up and I knew she was gone.
“Why am I the way I am? Why haven’t I found a nice girl and settled down? What will happen if I fall in love? What if I fall completely for someone, and I lose her? I don’t think another boat will save me.”
Callie leaned forward and kissed Logan, pulling her body tight against his. She could taste the salt on his lips, and she could feel his heart thumping in his chest. The warmth of his kiss rolled through her, and she relaxed herself against him as he wrapped his arms around her. She hadn’t expected this from him. Every time Logan was sweet and genuine instead of cocky and smooth, it threw Callie for a loop, but nothing would have prepared her for what he said next.