"Jacob's fine. This has to do with us. I need to talk to you about our relationship." Jessica felt her heart breaking in half as she watched the shutters quickly close into place on her husband's face.
"Our relationship is fine." He didn't elaborate, just looked back down at his computer screen, as if the discussion was over and there was no need to interrupt his work any longer.
He absolutely didn't want to have the conversation. He knew it had been coming for quite a long time. He didn't want to hurt her but he couldn't lose her either. He was feeling more stress than he ever had in his life.
"The thing is, our relationship isn't okay for me anymore," she stressed. "Alex, I love you. I have been in love with you for a while now and I can't live in this marriage, loving you with all my heart, while wondering when you're going to walk out the door." She finished, as a tear slipped down her cheek.
His heart warmed for a moment as she once again told him she loved him. He refused to allow the warmth though and blocked his emotions. He would reason with her, he would make things okay for them.
She'd been hopeful to get through the conversation with no tears. She didn't want to appear weak and she didn't want him feeling sorry for her. She wanted his love or nothing at all.
He looked at her with the same shuttered expression, although she'd thought for a moment, he'd shown some warmth. She'd most likely imagined it because he had a guarded look that wasn't going to change anytime soon. He sat back in his chair for a full two minutes before finally speaking.
"Jessica, I care for you greatly. You are an incredible mother and a great wife. I'm comfortable with the way things are. I never wanted to marry, because other than my parents and my brother, I haven't exactly seen a lot of shining examples of lasting love. I know you want me to say, ‘I love you,' but I can't. It's just not who I am. I'm giving you everything I'm capable of."
His words were like knives stabbing her again and again. She didn't know how it was possible to still be standing there. She pressed her hand against her heart, pressing in. The pain was so deep; it felt as if there was a gaping hole in her chest. She really thought her heart may explode from the intensity of the pain coursing through her.
"I understand Alex but then I can no longer stay married to you. You are an amazing father and I would never keep Jacob from you again. We'll have to work out all the details but I just can't do this. I'm so sorry." She turned and walked from the room. She was choking on the sobs that wanted to rip from her body but she managed somehow to hold them back.
Jessica didn't know how she arrived in the bedroom she'd shared with Alex for almost a year. Their nights had been amazing. That was the only time he'd completely let down his guard. When he'd looked into her eyes, she'd convinced herself it was love shining through their blue depths.
She turned away from the bed. She couldn't look at it. She walked across the hall and checked in on Jacob. He was sound asleep in his crib and looked so peaceful. He'd grown so much his first year of life. She was amazed how beautiful he was.
She loved how much he resembled his father. She rubbed his small, mostly bald head. He didn't wake up. He was content in his crib. She wouldn't disturb him right then. She would pick him up the next day.
She knocked on Julia's door and it was quickly answered. "Hi Jessica, is everything okay?" she asked with real concern. Obviously, Jessica thought, she wasn't doing a very good job of hiding her emotions.
"Everything is fine. I just wanted to let you know I'll be gone this evening. You have my number if Jacob wakes and there are any problems."
"I'm sure things will be fine. Are you sure you're okay?" Julia asked again.
"Yes, thanks, I will see you in the morning." With that Jessica turned and walked back into her bedroom. There was no way she could sleep there that night. She would go find a hotel room and then look for something more permanent the next day. Her son would be fine overnight. She would make sure she was back before he woke up. She packed an overnight bag and slipped out of the house.
As she climbed into her car she had to wait a few moments because she was crying so hard she couldn't see to drive properly. When she finally pulled herself together and her vision cleared she turned away from the house. She watched it in her rearview mirror until the trees blocked her view.
Leaving was about the hardest thing she'd ever done. The further she got from the house, the more she was regretting the decision. She loved Alex so much and leaving him was even more painful than staying with him, even without his love.
She decided to turn around and head back towards the house, when her car was suddenly filled with bright lights. "What..." she began to say aloud, when there was a huge crashing sound and she blacked out.
Alex sat as his desk with his head in his hands. He was already regretting his words to Jessica. The longer he thought the more he realized she wasn't demanding anything of him that he didn't have to give.
All thoughts of work were gone. He was thinking back to his time with Jessica. He couldn't wait to walk in the door each evening to see her. He noticed throughout his days, he would continually check the time, counting down the hours until he could return home. He'd done far more work from home, than he'd ever done in the past. Anything that didn't require him to be in the office was done from home.
He was also delegating far more work than he'd ever done in the past. He just wanted to spend time with his son and his wife. Work was no longer the top priority to him it used to be.
Their nights were unlike anything else he'd ever known. She was always eager to fall into his arms. She was the most beautiful creature he'd ever known. He could picture her pregnant with many more of his children. He couldn't picture his life without her.
His heart seemed to grow too full for his chest, as the realization hit him. He did love her. "I love her," he mumbled out loud, just to hear how it sounded and to know how it felt to say it. He felt his mouth lift up in a grin. He loved her. He wanted to shout it from the rooftops.
He knew he'd sat there to long but he needed to get control over his own emotions. He finally got up to go talk to Jessica. He hated the pain he'd caused her. He couldn't believe he'd just sat there as the tears rolled down her cheeks and the pain flashed in her eyes. Well that would never happen again. He would make up for that and so much more.
He walked up to their bedroom and there was no sign of her. He went searching throughout the rest of the house, with no signs. He started to worry. He walked back to his son's room and found Julia in there. "Do you know where Jessica is?" he asked.
"I thought you had both gone out. She came in about an hour ago, saying she would be out for the night," she replied. Her eyes then narrowed slightly, as she looked at him. "She looked like something was really bothering her, although she was doing her best to cover it up," she finished accusingly.
Alex headed over to his room, planning on calling her phone. His extension rang before he had a chance to make the call. He picked up on the first ring, "hello."
"Is this Alex Anderson?" the stranger's voice asked.
"Yes, can I help you?"
"Sir, your wife has been in an auto accident. She's at the Mercy West Hospital in surgery and you are listed as her emergency contact," the stranger said with sympathy.
Alex dropped the phone without another word and ran for the door. He shouted out for Tina to notify his and Jessica's families and then raced to his car. He couldn't lose her. Please God, he prayed, don't take her from me.
Alex made it to the hospital in record time. He couldn't even remember the drive. One moment he hopped into his car and the next he was rushing in the emergency entrance doors. "I'm looking for my wife, Jessica Anderson!" He was practically shouting at the poor receptionist.
"One moment sir," the efficient nurse looked at her computer for what seemed like hours. "She arrived about an hour ago and is still in surgery. I need you to fill out these papers please," she requested, as she pulled out a packet of paperwork.
"To hell with the paperwork, I want to know what's happening with my wife!" He shouted at the woman.
"Sir, I understand you're upset right now but the doctor will be out shortly to inform you of your wife's condition. We really do need these papers filled out," she tried once again.
Alex was about to grab this insufferable woman by her shirt lapels and demand to be taken to Jessica, when a hand clasped his shoulder. "Come on son, let's fill out this paperwork and wait to hear from the doctor." Alex's shoulders slumped in defeat. His father was there and he was right.