While still not the answer he wanted, he grabbed onto the uncertainty in her voice. If she truly felt nothing, her answer would have been an outright no. “Fair enough.” He forced the words from his mouth. He didn’t want to waste any more time. They’d already lost fifteen years. But he had little choice. Before she could stop him, he moved closer and dropped a light kiss on her lips. “I’ll see you soon.”
***
Lauren stared at the television, her mind a million miles away from her living room. By now she should be in bed. Midnight had come and gone, and before she knew it, her alarm would go off. But even with knowing this, she couldn’t sleep. Both her body and mind fluttered with emotions of every kind. The usual anger and sadness that overcame her whenever she thought of the baby she’d lost weighed down on her, but this time so did guilt. At the time, she’d been angry at Nate, but he’d had a right to know she was pregnant. She justified not telling him because he never contacted her, but she’d been wrong. And what if she hadn’t lost the baby? Would she have told him then? Honestly, she did not know.
And what about now? What did she really want? When they kissed, it took her breath away. Made her feel alive in a way no other man’s kiss ever did. Wrapped in his arms, her mind and body forgot about the past. All it recognized was the man and how he made her feel. But she couldn’t let herself forget the past. When he left, it had nearly killed her. Depression had plagued her for months. She’d almost failed her freshman year of college, in fact. Did she want to open herself up to him again like that? What about Kevin? More guilt pressed down on her as she thought of him. He didn’t set her body on fire like Nate, but they enjoyed each other’s company. He treated her well, and they shared some of the same interests. Kevin was safe, and he didn’t make decisions for her.
“What am I going to do, JoJo?” Lauren asked the dog next to her.
JoJo cracked open her eyes at the sound of her name. Then, after a heavy sigh, the dog readjusted her head and closed her eyes again.
“Thanks for all your help.” Reaching out, she rubbed behind the dog’s ears. She needed someone other than her dog to talk to. In the past, she would have picked up the phone and called Callie regardless of the time. That was the type of friendship they’d had. But not anymore. Sure, she still considered Callie her closest friend, but now she had Dylan in her life. Any phone calls would have to wait until tomorrow. Her sister Kelly was out, too. With the new baby, she needed to rest whenever she could. With no other options Lauren leaned her head back against the couch and closed her eyes. Maybe if she pretended to sleep, her body would get the message and she’d still get about five hours of sleep. Five hours was better than none.
Chapter 7
The ring of her cell phone pulled Lauren from the lesson plans in front of her. She wanted them done before calling it a day and heading home to pack for the weekend with Kevin in New York—something she should be excited about. Unfortunately, since her last run-in with Nate, she wished she’d never invited Kevin along. With her emotions stuck on this darn roller coaster, she needed a weekend away from both men. Maybe with hundreds of miles separating her from both of them, she could get her head on straight. But she’d already asked Kevin, and he had rearranged his schedule so he could join her. After that, there was no way she could cancel on him.
When she picked up the phone, Kevin’s name glared back at her. Right away, hope sprang to life. He never called this early. Was it possible something had come up, and he needed to change their plans? It had happened several times in the past. On those occasions it had annoyed her. If it happened today, she’d do a little jig right there in the middle of her classroom.
“Hi, Kevin.” Lauren tried to infuse some cheer into her voice. “Is everything okay?”
A hacking cough came through the phone. “No,” he said in a raspy voice. Another coughing fit came over him. “I’m sick. The flu.”
Lauren almost didn’t recognize the voice. He sounded as if he’d placed a clothespin over his nose.
“There is no way I can make it this weekend. I went to the doctor this morning and have been in bed ever since. If Olivia hasn’t gone back to California yet she’d love to go with you.”
A crazy mixture of relief and guilt washed over her. The poor guy sounded miserable, and she knew how awful the flu made you feel. She’d had her own run-in with it around Thanksgiving. Yet, thanks to his condition she was getting out of their weekend together.
“I understand. Is there anything I can do for you? Bring you anything?”