His arm snapped out, grabbing my hand so quickly that I flinched, though his touch was as tender and warm and gentle as ever. His fingers felt so perfectly against my own that it was as though electricity coursed through my veins.
"Macy, I care about you more than I have every cared about anything in my entire life." He whispered, "It...it is terrifying, the amount of feelings that I have for you."
"Why don't you ever show it?" I asked, desperation fizzling.
How dare he throw these feelings at me all at once, how dare he be gone for so long and then say this? Didn’t he realize how much and how long I struggled to find those feelings? How long I combated my own feelings for him?
"I tried, Macy!" He cried, jerking my attention back with the raw pain in his British voice, "I read all of these books."
He released me only long enough to grab his suit case, dumping it out. Though there were a handful of clothes, it was mostly more dog eared books on how to be a good parent and partner.
I stared at them, shaking my head.
"Books don't replace your presence, Sebastian. How will I explain to the baby why you're never around?" I said sadly, rubbing my tired, aching head with my hand, "How will I explain to her that you just go gallivanting off whenever you want to?"
He sank to his knees in front of me on the ground, his hands on my knees. He clung to me, staring up into my face.
Sebastian had always been the most stoic, cool mannered man I'd ever met...and now, as he gazed at me, I could see a storm churning in his eyes.
A bewildering typhoon of urgency and passion. It was as confusing to me as it was to him.
Inside of me, my own storm was brewing. How was I to believe the words he said? How was I to know that he wouldn't up and leave me and the child?
"The reason I went overseas so suddenly," He began, fingers tightening against the flesh of my knees, "Was to sell the overseas branch of our business."
"What?" I gasped, staring at him in confusion, "What are you talking about?"
"A buyer came up and I had to leave. It's what I've been planning since I got the news you were pregnant. It's what I've been planning since I met you." He added, breath trailing off.
His arms slid up my body to cup my cheeks as his body slid between my knees. Our chests pressed to chests, and I could feel his heart thundering.
He was nervous, he was desperate… Sebastian was in love.
Confusion swirled ever more strongly within me.
"You really sold it...?" I asked, again, "You won't have to leave again?"
"I'm never leaving your side, Macy." He said gently, "I'm never leaving you alone again, I will never let my child fall asleep at night without a kiss."
"But you never said anything, you never talked to me, and now you care so much?" I sputtered, struggling to make sense of everything, "If you thought so much of me, why didn't I hear from you?"
"I'm a coward, Macy." He finally said, tone defeated, his fingers tenderly dancing against my cheek, "I was afraid to tell you how I felt. I was afraid that you would reject me. When I saw you in that room, with Lewis, I knew I had to speak up."
"You're jealous of Lewis?" I asked, startled.
"I know you have feelings for him." Sebastian said softly, "But I know that you have feelings for me too. I'm your husband, Macy. Let me treat you how I should have treated you from the very beginning."
I swallowed the thick lump in my throat, struggling to hear him speak over the whirring of my brain and the pounding of my heart.
"I need to rest." I finally said, as Sebastian stood up.
"I'm not leaving." He said firmly, "Let me stay with you. Please."
For a moment I pondered rejecting him, but in the end I allowed him to stay. Maybe I was willing to see how he’d act, maybe I was just too tired.
He climbed onto his side of the bed, laying on his side as he stared at me.
Uncertainly, I turned my head to gaze back at him.
"I'll prove it you." He said softly, his fingers on the crook of my elbow, "I'll do anything for you, Macy."
I turned to face him, studying the solemn waves of his perfect eyes.
Though he meant what he said, I wasn't sure how long it would take for me to believe him.
His arm slid from the crook of my arm to the dip of my waist. He gazed at me, pulling me closer against the deep warmth of his chest, the safe feeling of his embrace.
It was within his hold that I felt truly at home, it was within his hold that I felt truly at rest.
When he was with me, it felt as though everything was going to be okay.
Was that a weakness or a strength? It was all so confusing.
Right now, my heart was with my child in that cold hospital room. It was only when she was home safe that I would finally be able to make my choice.