I resumed sniffling, big tears rolling down my cheeks. I didn't even both to look at what Sebastian was doing. He'd showed how much he cared already.
"Call me Melanie." The woman next to me said, patting her belly, "And this is little Riley."
"Riley such a sweet name." I bawled, turning to the woman, "What is happening?!" I couldn't stop the tears.
Fortunately, everyone had gotten bored with watching the grown woman cry and had resumed their own activities.
"Get used to it, sweetheart." Melanie sighed with a shrug, "I cried yesterday when I accidentally sat on a slice of bread."
"You could have eaten that bread!" I gasped, eyes wide.
My new friend nodded solemnly, lips almost quivering before she shook her head firmly, "No, no. There’s more bread in the world."
Quickly, she changed the subject before I could start grieving with her over lost toast, "How far along are you?" She asked gently, "Not far?"
"A little over 12 weeks." I said quietly, "It's like it's not even real yet, and still, it's all I ever think about."
"Your life is changing." She replied, patting my hand, "Everything is changing. Your life, your body, your marriage," She began, gesturing towards my utterly befuddled husband who was now on the phone with someone, "it'll never be the same, and that takes some adjusting. It's overwhelming and it's scary, but this is what you were made for."
I stared at her, wondering just how this person had gotten so wise. She looked my age and yet, she could articulate all of that?
"You're amazing." I whispered, ready to cry again.
"I'm on my second." She smirked, patting her round tummy again, "I'm basically a professional."
"Oh, wow." I sighed, leaning back in the seat as the flight attendant returned with the water and pillow.
"Hubby there has a lot of learning to do too." She informed me, still holding my hand. I clung to her as though she were a lifeline, or my mother, “I’m sure he’s doing his best just like you are.”
"I know." I replied, "This was... an unexpected situation that we got ourselves into."
"Even when it's expected," Melanie chuckled, "It's still a shock. We read every book on the market before Susan was born."
The woman leaned back in her chair, eyes going misty as she remembered, "And the first time she cried, it was as though the world was ending. It stayed like that for three months."
"It couldn't have been too bad," I laughed, "If you went for another."
"Baby one was planned, this little guy, not so much." Melanie responded with a smirk.
I laughed, shaking my head as I sipped on my water.
Tentatively, I glanced back towards Sebastian. He was off the phone now, having moved to the window seat and was staring contemplatively out the glass.
What was he thinking? Was his world ending as this new life was beginning? Is that what he was afraid of?
"You know, sometimes the dads have trouble connecting with baby until they hold it in their arms for the first time." Melanie said softly, observing me, "To us, we begin to feel the baby’s every move inside there...to them, it's like it's not real until they can look them in the eyes."
I turned back to her as she smiled knowingly.
This woman, who barely even knew me, was trying so hard to comfort me.
Why was it that a stranger would go out of her way to hold my hand and talk some rational sense into me, but my husband would go clammy and cold?
Was the problem with me, or was it with Sebastian?
Maybe...maybe it was just a problem with the both of us.
It seemed that every corner we turned just led into a darker hallway.
Would we ever find our way out? Were we meant to make this passage together?
I knew love was not supposed to be easy, but was it supposed to be as hard as this? Was it supposed to be a struggle ever damn step of the way?
Were Sebastian and I just forcing fate? Were we even meant to be?
Chapter Six
I stood outside Sebastian's bedroom that evening, hand resting on the doorknob for a whole ten minutes.
We'd quietly returned home that afternoon, and almost instantly headed back to our own rooms. Karina was nowhere in sight, apparently at the bakery still. She wasn’t expecting us back today, as it was.
It was nice to be home, it was nice rest in my own bed, it was nice to relax again.
What wasn't nice was the tension that had only grown more harsh between myself and my husband. He was obviously unsure how to act around me, and I was equally unsure of what I should say.
While I regretted how uncontrollable I'd become on the flight, what remained true was that I needed Sebastian to come clean with me, I needed him to give me answers. I was desperate for that, in fact.