And although she had no idea what she would say to him if she caught him, she pushed her way past people to get to him because all of a sudden she wasn't going well at all. Life was like a desert without him, and just to see him, just to say, 'Hi!'
would be like coming to an oasis, coming to a rich, meaningful landscape. Like coming in from the cold, she thought dizzily without even noticing how she'd mixed her metaphors …
It wasn't him.
And she'd been lonely and depressed for days before, once again, she'd pulled herself out of it.
As the weeks had slipped by she'd braced herself to read that Max Goodwin had married Cathy Spencer, but if he had done so there'd been no publicity. She'd thought once that Simon would probably know, via his sister, then thought immediately that it made no difference.
Unless she was trying to persuade herself that he'd killed any feelings he had had for her stone-dead because he was going to have to marry Cathy?
Don't go down that road, Alex, she'd warned herself. It will kill you if you ever find out he didn't marry her but he never comes back to you.
Much better to accept, here, now and for ever that, while you fell in love, he may have fallen a little in lust, that's all.
It did get easier as the months slid by and winter turned to summer. It even got to the stage where she thought of it all rarely and mainly when she was over-tired and couldn't keep her guard up. Or when some man made advances and she could barely control her distaste.
Otherwise, she kept herself busy, everyone at work thought she was bright and bubbly and didn't realize, because they hadn't known her long, that it was somewhat manufactured. And when it was discovered at the consulate that she didn't drive, which would be an asset in the job and give her the use of a consulate car, she started driving lessons.
It was supremely ironic that the first person she bumped into, literally, was Simon Wellford during one of her lessons after work. She reversed out of a parking spot, slammed on the brake at a sharp warning from the instructor sitting beside her, but it was too late.
The car she hadn't seen collided with the rear end of the driving-school car. An hour later she was sitting with Simon in a bar having a brandy to settle her jangled nerves.
'Look, don't worry about it,' Simon said. 'They've got insurance, I've got insurance, no one was hurt and there's not much damage anyway.'
'Except to my reputation.' She grimaced. 'Will any instructor take me on again?'
Simon grinned. 'If you recall I had a wee accident getting you to the Goodwin interview, and I'd had my licence for years.'
Alex perked up. 'I do remember! What a day that was!'
'See anything of Max Goodwin?' he queried.
She shook her head and sipped her brandy.
'He was pretty good about putting a lot of work my way,' Simon reminisced. 'Still is, but I was a little piqued he steered you to the Chinese Consulate rather than back to me,' he confessed ruefully. 'Didn't he have some plans for you to work for him?'
He looked at her curiously.
'It fell through,' Alex murmured.
Simon stretched and regarded her for a couple of moments. She wore a plain, straight, round-necked beige linen dress with a cropped corn-gold short-sleeved jacket.
She looked smart and pretty, he thought. She'd maintained her new hairstyle and her make-up was discreet and expertly done. No glasses either, so her eyes were stunning. But did she look-older? he wondered. Not quite the humorous, candid girl he'd employed? Almost as if she might have grown up in a hurry. Why? he wondered.
'Do you? Have any contact with him?' Alex heard herself asking.
'No. It's all done through staff. Matter of fact, he seems to have been off the scene for a while. Cilla hasn't had any news lately. She was expecting him to marry the artist, Cathy Spencer. You've probably heard of her-she's making a bit of a name for herself. She's also apparently the mother of the son I told you about, but it didn't happen.'
Alex's heart knocked a couple of times, then settled back into its rhythm.
'But guess what? Rosanna is expecting, not one baby, but twins!' Simon added. Alex was disproportionately delighted with this news. Not that she wasn't happy for Simon, as she asked for all the details, but it was a change of subject she desperately needed. And it got her through the rest of their time together until he gave her a lift home.
'Josie,' she murmured, after collecting her from Patti when she got home, 'I may not be the best company tonight, sweetheart. I don't know why, I always knew he wasn't for me, but when is it going to stop hurting so much?' she asked with a break in her voice.
Three weeks later, it was a glorious Saturday morning and Alex took Josie to New Farm Park beside the Brisbane River. She also took a picnic lunch and she found a bench under a tree after Josie had had a fine old time chasing seagulls. The blue sky, the mown grass, the flower beds, the river traffic, the children enjoying the park all contributed to a feeling of well-being for Alex. She'd brought a book to read later.
She was wearing short denim shorts, sneakers and a hot pink halter top. Her hair was in a bunch.
She unwrapped her sandwiches and poured herself a cool drink. Josie had a bone that would keep her occupied for a while and her own bowl of water. Alex was choosing between an egg and lettuce sandwich or ham and tomato, when a pair of jean-clad legs ending in brown deck shoes hove into view. She looked upwards and gasped. 'Y-you?' she stammered.
'Yes,' Max Goodwin agreed as he dropped down on the bench beside her, and Josie was momentarily distracted. She curled her lip at him, revealing her sharp white teeth, then went back to her bone.
'I see nothing has changed there,' he said with a grin. 'She's still anti-men. How are you, Alex?'
Alex stared at the choice of sandwiches in her hands for a second, then put them back into the plastic container, and for a moment wondered, in a panic-stricken kind of way, if she'd been struck dumb.
She swallowed and blinked, then looked at him at last. 'I'm fine, thank you! What a coincidence, meeting you here in the park. Is Nicky-?' She broke off as the thought struck her and she looked around.
'No. He's with his mother at the moment. You'll be pleased to hear he divides his time between us quite happily.'
'You didn't-' She hesitated.
'No, I didn't marry Cathy.' He paused and waited, but Alex was unable to do more than moisten her lips. 'We came to an agreement,' he said then. 'If there's one thing that's sacrosanct between us, it's Nicky.' He shrugged. 'It's amazing how everything else seems to have fallen into place. Oh, we go our own way, but on that we're united.'
'I'm so glad,' Alex said. 'I'm so very glad. Would you like a sandwich?' She proffered the plastic container. 'There's egg and lettuce or ham and tomato.'
'Thank you.' His long fingers hovered, then he made his choice. 'But I'd really like to know how you're going, Alex.'
She chose her sandwich blindly as her mind raced, and her senses reeled. Nearly five months had seen some changes in Max Goodwin. Still as tall, of course; still with that elegant physique, but some of his vitality seemed to be missing. His nightdark hair was shorter and those dense blue eyes were-what? Uncharacteristically weary? As if he was under some kind of pressure again, as she'd seen him once before …
None of it made the slightest difference to his impact on her, however. It was like reaching an oasis in the desert just to be with him, talking to him, breathing him in. It was like coming in from the cold, as she'd suspected it would be when she'd followed a stranger who'd looked like him down an escalator.
But what could this turn out to be? she suddenly asked herself. A chance meeting in the park and then, for her, a whole new battle to wage with herself? That was going to happen anyway, but what could he do if she showed him how affected she still was by him?
What would it do to her if she allowed herself to hope there was more to it than met the eye and those hopes were dashed again? In the five months that he hadn't married Cathy Spencer, he'd made no effort to contact her …
So, it stood to reason she was going to be alone, again, and the sooner she came to terms with it, the better.
'Alex?'
She looked up at last and smiled suddenly. 'Sorry, I was just looking back, but you were right, you know. I'm fine. I think falling prey to something like that-' she looked rueful '-for the first time at the fine old age of twenty-one made it feel worse, perhaps.'