She rubbed her face. 'I suppose I could always go back to Simon.'
'Simon Wellford will be doing a lot of work for us.'
His words seemed to drop like pebbles into a pool, creating ever-widening ripples, and it didn't take long for her to grasp the implications of those ripples-too close to him for comfort for her, in other words.
'I see,' she said carefully. 'Well, I'm glad he hasn't lost out because of me, although he's probably tearing his hair out trying to find another Mandarin speaker. Uh-no, I haven't got anything else in mind at the moment, so, thank you very much, I will consider it.'
He drew an envelope out of his jacket pocket and placed it on the bookcase. 'All the details are in there.' He tapped the envelope. 'There's something else, arriving shortly.' He looked at his watch.
Her eyes widened. 'You don't need to do any more for me. I'd rather you didn't, actually.'
'Wait and see,' he advised.
She tried to say it firmly but her lips quivered so she stammered slightly. 'N-no.'
She clasped her hands and went on all the same. 'I need to handle this on my own,'
she added barely audibly. 'It's also a matter of pride. Don't ask me why, but it is.'
She gestured, then was struck by a horrifying possibility. 'Not-not Paul,' she stammered. 'I couldn't-I couldn't … '
He moved abruptly and for one electrifying moment Alex thought he was going to fold her into his arms, to comfort her if nothing else, to stave off a panic attack, perhaps, but he stilled almost immediately.
'No, not Paul,' he said. 'Actually Paul has left me. He was due to go to America-
Harvard-for a semester anyway to further his business studies. He-' he paused and searched her face '-he's brought it forward a bit, that's all.'
Alex released a long quivering sigh.
'But it is a companion, Alex,' he went on. 'And-'
'No,' she repeated as someone knocked on the door.
Max swore beneath his breath, then he opened the door to reveal the driver who'd brought Alex up from the Coast.
'Sorry, sir,' the driver said, 'but the rain held up the traffic a bit. Here she is.' And he put a bundle of curly white fur down on the floor. 'Lady McPherson said to say many, many thanks, her name is Josie and-' he looked down at a bag he held in his other hand '-this is all her gear.'
'Thanks, mate. Appreciate that. I'll take it.'
The driver handed the bag over and left. Max closed the door as it started to rain again-and Alex stood transfixed.
'A dog?' she said incredulously then, and sat down unexpectedly. Max nodded and looked at her dryly. 'What did you expect?'
'I-I don't know,' she stammered, 'but not this.'
The little dog looked around, eyed Max rather suspiciously, then spied Alex and trotted towards her.
'She's a Bichon Frise. They used to be favourites of French Royalty, trust Olivia,' he said wryly. 'But they're a gentle, cheerful, non-hair-shedding breed. She's about nine months old and well trained.'
Josie sat down in front of Alex and looked up at her out of beautiful melting brown eyes-eyes that would melt a heart of stone.
'But-but how come?' Alex had difficulty with her voice as she raised her eyes to his. 'I don't understand.'
'Livvy and Michael usually divide their time between here and the UK, but this time they're going back to the UK for two years at least. Livvy just happened to mention to me a week or so ago that they were looking for a good home for Josie, therefore.'
'And-and you thought of me?'
'I was afraid she might have already been placed but Livvy is particularly fussy.' He shrugged. 'I've seen for myself how much you love dogs, and you told me you and your neighbour had talked about sharing one, so, yes, I did think of you. She apparently prefers women to men.'
If Alex had felt the pressure to keep her emotions in check before, it was nothing to the surge of love and misery that welled up in her now. Love because Max Goodwin could be so nice as well as setting her alight; misery because he never could be for her …
Josie raised her paw at that point and put it delicately on Alex's knee, and Alex could have sworn there was a pleading look in those liquid brown eyes.
'Well-well, sweetheart, in that case how can I say no?' And she bent down to run her fingers through the little dog's curly white coat. Josie shut her eyes in sheer ecstasy.
And, although Alex didn't see it, Max Goodwin watched the girl and dog, and his shoulders visibly relaxed.
'Th-thank you,' Alex said tremulously. 'You've really taken me by surprise. She's gorgeous. I could end up like Nicky and Nemo if I'm not careful.' She got up. He smiled perfunctorily and didn't say anything.
Alex swallowed and knew instinctively what she had to do. 'So, unless you have any more surprises up your sleeve, I guess it's time to say goodbye, Mr Goodwin.' She held out her hand.
He didn't take it. He studied the brave face she was putting on, the lovely hair, the figure that had so surprised him, her stunning eyes behind her glasses, the fact that she was pale with the effort of being brave and composed.
'Alex,' he said on a harsh breath, then forced himself to relax, 'you will get over this. You're so young, you're lovely and fresh-believe me, this will go. You're also far too sensible not to be able to put it behind you.'
Her lips parted. 'Am I?' she said, but immediately shook her head. 'Don't answer that. Look, thank you for everything-and I'm sure I will. I just wish-' She stopped and bit her lip.
'What?'
'No, nothing.'
'Alex,' he said ominously, 'you know that never works with me.'
She closed her eyes in sudden frustration. 'All right!' Her lashes flew up. 'I just wish I had something to give you. There, that sounds incredibly silly, no doubt.' She shrugged.
His eyes softened. 'No, it doesn't, but you have. You've given me … wisdom where I least expected it.' He paused, then pulled his car keys out. 'Take care, Alexandra Hill,' he said very quietly.
'You too, Mr Goodwin.' She couldn't help the tears that welled in her eyes and slid down her cheeks beneath her glasses. 'You too.'
He hesitated one short moment longer, then turned and let himself out. Alex stood where she was and swayed like a young tree in a gale as the door closed behind him. She put her hands up and removed her glasses and wept until Josie came to stand beside her and she rubbed her head on Alex's leg. Alex bent down and picked her up, and cried into her fur. Then she took her over to the settee and apologized.
'Sorry, sweetheart,' she said as she dried her eyes and blew her nose. 'I don't think I ever believed I would feel like this about a man. I hope he's right, about it passing.'
She laid her head back and Josie curled up beside her.
'I hope he's right,' Alex repeated as she stared at the ceiling with a terrible, lurking fear in her heart.
CHAPTER NINE
FOUR months later Alex had a busy and fulfilling lifestyle.
Her job at the Chinese Consulate as assistant to the Liaison Officer had proved to be a treasure. Whereas at Wellford's she'd worked alone and often from home, in this job she was required to be out and about and to deal with the public. She'd had to acquire a working wardrobe and, while it didn't equal the wardrobe Max Goodwin had provided her with-she'd left all those clothes behind-she bore little resemblance to the girl who'd looked like a bluestocking and dressed that way. She'd also made friends at work.
At home, as she'd foreseen, Patti had been delighted with Josie, and Josie had taken to her new lifestyle of having two homes, two mistresses, with aplomb. She'd also been a lifesaver. Coming home to the little dog rather than an empty flat had made a difference. Riding around with her in her bike basket on the weekends was fun.
Knowing she had someone to leave her with during working hours was a relief. Not that it had been easy at first. The gap Max Goodwin had left in her life had felt like losing a part of herself. It still amazed her that so much feeling had been generated within her in such a short time, a matter of weeks. And she'd had to admit it wasn't only Max she missed. It was Nicky, Mrs Mills, Margaret, even Stan and Jake-they'd all felt like family in the incredibly short time she'd spent with them.
But it was Max who haunted her dreams, Max who brought her heart-stopping moments. Like the day when she thought she was doing really well, had been for a while, until she thought she saw him going down an escalator ahead of her, a tall, dark man who caused her heart to start to pound, her mouth to go dry and her pulses to hammer.