Max Goodwin took his time about replying and he looked entirely inscrutable at the same time. 'His mother rang last night, it so happens. Her mother's operation was a success but she needs a couple more days with her. Until then negotiations have been put on hold, but Nicky will spend time with me whatever happens.'
'How long would you want me for?' Alex asked into the silence that had developed after his last words.
He smiled faintly. 'For as long as you wanted to stay with me.' He paused, then named a remuneration package that made Alex blink at its generosity. All the same she licked her lips and tried to concentrate on the other aspects of this development. 'Does this have anything to do with what happened last night?'
she queried straightly, at last.
Max Goodwin rubbed his jaw and wondered what she'd say if he told her that it did. That he now not only felt responsible for a six-year-old son he'd just met, but a girl who suffered panic attacks, a girl, alone in the world, he simply couldn't bring himself to abandon.
And he wondered what she'd say if he told her that he'd firmly convinced himself that once he got back on a professional footing with her-and since he was not going to receive any encouragement to do otherwise-he would kill stone-dead any passing attraction to her. That was what it had to be anyway.
Of course what would be the wisest thing to do, in other circumstances, would be simply to cut the connection, but he couldn't do it-not after what he'd seen last night.
He answered obliquely, 'I wouldn't like to see that happen to you again, Alex, but, you know, it would be a good step along the road for you. If you do want to go into the Diplomatic Corps, a background in the mining industry, trade experience, the contacts you might make could all be invaluable to you.'
Alex felt her eyes widen as she could only agree with him. It would certainly be an impressive item on her CV. It could open all sorts of doors for her, far more than behind-the-scenes interpreting for Simon … But here she grimaced.
'I … Simon-' She looked worried. 'I-'
'I will make it up to Simon in return for losing you,' he said.
'Part of the household, though-what exactly does that mean?' she said slowly. He said casually, 'Much the same as the last three days, when Nicky's here, at least, but because I'll be working from down here much more it'll be like a semi-permanent abode. Whenever you feel you need to go home, though, that'll be fine.'
Alex relaxed a little and couldn't control an impulse to smile suddenly.
'What?'
'It's a job that sort of defies description, doesn't it?'
His lips twisted, then he gave a jolt of laughter. 'I wouldn't like to have to advertise it.' He sobered. 'But from the moment you made such a hit with Nicky-'
'My fate was sealed,' she supplied. 'Part of my fate was sealed. But you are serious about the other side of it?'
'Perfectly,' he assured her.
Alex heard herself say swiftly, 'Then I'll do it,' as if getting it out fast was the only way to do it because once she stopped to let herself think, she'd be tempted to run away and hide. But she couldn't spend her life running and hiding. She'd decided that only this morning, hadn't she?
'Good girl,' he said briskly. 'But if we are to have Nicky for extended periods, we're going to need some back-up for when we're not here. Any thoughts there?'
Alex chewed her lip before she offered her thoughts. 'Mrs Mills' daughter is virtually a single mum-her husband's in the army and overseas on an extended tour of duty. It's her son Bradley that Nicky has played with and they get on really well together. I'm just wondering if Bradley's mum could stand in for me. She seems pretty sensible, she's nice, she's young, it would be good for Nicky to have company, it would take the pressure off Mrs Mills-'
'Don't go on,' he murmured. 'You've convinced me. Would you like to go home and collect some more of your things?'
Her eyes widened. 'Now? How? And what about Nicky?'
'Mrs Mills and I can cope for a couple of hours. Stan could drive you.' He stood up. Alex hesitated, then she said candidly, 'I feel like pinching myself.'
He smiled, but said nothing.
'I'll go now, then. Thank you for thinking of me and offering me this job.' She rose.
'My pleasure, Alex,' he murmured.
She hesitated, then made her way to the door.
He watched her go and sat down again behind the desk, leaning his chin on his fingers, his elbow on the desk with his brow furrowed.
He'd handled that rather well, he thought, but something was puzzling him. The fact that he felt strange in a way he couldn't put his finger on-not strange so much, but different, or was that splitting hairs?
Was it because he really did have a household now? For a long time everything had revolved about him exclusively, but now he was doing the revolving …
Then his eyes fell on the blotter on the desk, and Cathy's name. He'd taken her call in the study last night after Paul O'Hara had left, and he'd written her name on the blotter with slashing strokes, then drawn a bolt of lightning through the letters. He sat up, then lay back in his chair with his hands shoved into his pockets. What needed to be done, what needed to be sorted out, was an amicable arrangement whereby Nicky got the best of both his parents. What was paramount now was Nicky's well-being.
And he had to acknowledge he was astonished by the depth of his feeling for a little boy he barely knew. That had actually slammed into his consciousness from the moment he'd laid eyes on Nicky and he'd seen something pretty close to a mirror image of himself. This is my flesh and blood, he'd thought, this child who doesn't know me from a bar of soap and is trying so desperately to look brave about it!
Was it any wonder he felt different? he reflected.
And what about all the problems he could foresee there? What if Cathy married?
How was he going to feel about another man being involved in the upbringing of his son? And there was Nicky's inheritance to think about, and his safety. He sat up and ripped the top layer out of his blotter and threw it in the wastepaper basket. Of course the solution to that was simply to ensure it couldn't happen by marrying her himself …
Alex sat in the back, not of the Bentley, but a Mercedes on the way to Brisbane a little while later.
She and Stan had conversed for a time, but now he was concentrating on his driving and she was thinking her thoughts.
She'd woken early on the settee in the den, and clicked her tongue in exasperation at yet again having fallen asleep thus in one of Max Goodwin's homes. She'd made herself a cup of tea and stolen upstairs with it. No one had stirred. She'd opened her blinds to admit pre-dawn light, then watched the sun rim the horizon above the casuarinas on South Stradbroke Island across the Broadwater as she'd sipped her tea.
But her thoughts hadn't been on the fresh, early morning scene, they'd been focused on the state of her life. She'd allowed it to get out of control. She'd allowed herself to imagine she'd fallen in love with Max Goodwin; she'd got all sad and sorry for herself on that account and because of some memories. And it wouldn't do.
What was more, she knew how to counteract these feelings, didn't she?
In times like these she'd always gone to her Mother Superior and her advice had always been the same. Stop thinking only of yourself, Alex. Think about others instead and, for yourself, establish goals. Think forward, not backwards. It might have sounded harsh, but it had worked, and because that dear friend and mentor was no longer with her didn't mean it would no longer work. So far as thinking forwards, unfortunately, she wouldn't be able to distance herself physically from Max Goodwin for the time being, but that didn't mean she couldn't practise mental apartheid, she'd thought with a dry little smile. But-and it had struck her that the lack of real goals might have created the vacuum in her life that had precipitated this crisis-she needed more of a challenge in her life than she had at present. Well, not the immediate present, she'd amended her thoughts rather ruefully, but going back to working for Simon was not enough. She really needed to aspire to something higher.
She hadn't been able to establish that 'something' as she'd showered and dressed for the golf day, but at least she'd established the need to do it. And she'd taken a few quiet minutes to think of her Mother Superior, really and deeply. It had brought her a sense of peace.