She glanced out at the pale blue water. Was there something inherent in human nature that made you always long for what you didn't have? She had the relationship she had always longed for-one that fulfilled her in every way which mattered-and yet somehow she wanted more. She wanted marriage, she realised-and babies too. And, while he showed her that he adored her in every way that counted, she sensed that the whole family package would be a commitment too far.
So stop yearning for the impossible, she told herself-just enjoy what you have.
She saw a figure in the far distance, heading her way, and her idle glance became a double-take as her heart suddenly missed a beat. She shook her head slightly. For a minute there she had imagined she'd seen Jay, walking across the beach towards her.
Yeah, sure. He had secretly taken a flight out to join her the day before she was due to fly home-in your dreams, Keri!
She continued to walk towards the approaching man, waiting for confirmation that it was just another tall, dark stranger enjoying the delights of a Caribbean holiday.
It was difficult to say at what point she realised that she had not been mistaken. She was too far away to see the expression on the beautiful scarred face, and his eyes were shielded by a pair of wraparound shades, but some sense which transcended sight told her without a doubt that it was Jay.
She was so taken aback that her footsteps faltered to a halt. Funny how reality never quite fitted the dream. She should be flinging her arms out and running towards him, and he should catch her in his arms and whirl her round and round and round. But …
Why was he here?
She looked, he thought, like the stuff that dreams were made of, sillhouetted against the blinding light in some pale, floaty dress with a flower-laden straw hat shielding her face from the blazing sun.
He moved towards her slowly, wanting to enjoy the moment, his heart beating loud and strong in his chest, his head feeling curiously light. Now he could see the pale heart-shaped face, and the look of bewilderment and anxiety in the dark eyes, and he felt a rush of something deeper than desire.
'What's happened?' Keri demanded, her heart beating with fear. 'What are you doing here?'
He smiled. 'What kind of a greeting is that for your lover?'
Briefly, she thought how modern, how temporary that sounded. She looked up at him questioningly, but she could not read the expression behind the shades he wore and it was too blindingly bright to ask him to take them off. 'Jay?'
He reached his hand out, brushing the fringe from her eyes as he had once done a lifetime ago. 'Aren't you pleased to see me?' he asked softly.
'Of course I am,' she answered breathlessly, but she didn't fall into his arms, and neither did he pull her into them. 'Nothing's wrong, is it?'
'Well, that depends on your definition of wrong.'
'Jay!' Her voice was shaking, remonstrating, breathless. 'I'm due home tomorrow-why are you here?'
'Because I've missed you.'
'Well, that's … '
'That's what?'
'Surprising,' she admitted.
'Yeah,' he agreed, with a rueful smile. 'Thought I'd be crazy about a woman who gave me plenty of space.'
She opened her eyes very wide. She had clung on to her independence like a lifeline, because an independent woman was the one he had been attracted to.
'And aren't you?'
'Completely and utterly crazy,' he said gravely.
'It doesn't happen very often,' she pointed out. 'The trips, I mean.'
'No.'
'And you spent your whole life travelling all over the place.'
'I know I did.' And he hoped to God that she wasn't living the kind of life he had lived when he was in the SEALs! No, he knew she wasn't-she was sweet and loyal and true-but when she was away he found himself aching for her in a way which was quite alien to him. But if that was the way she wanted it, then that was the way it had to be. He bent and touched her lips with his. 'Do you like being away for weeks at a time, sweetheart?'
Keri hesitated. 'Well, actually, no-not really.'
He frowned. 'Then why do you do it?'
'Because it's my job! Because the best shoots are ones like these-they pay well and keep my profile high. And, oddly enough, I seem to have got more work since I developed a few curves-and that's all down to you, Jay!'
'But what happened to the interior design?' he questioned. 'I thought my offices were supposed to be your starting block for a whole new change of direction?'
'That was more your dream, not mine!'
'I thought for a while it was yours, too, Keri. Did exposure to it put you off it?'
She bit her lip. Oh, what the hell? Just tell him-tell him. 'I decided not to start something else because my relationship with you was too new and too important, and I wanted to concentrate on that. I didn't want to make any big career changes because I didn't … ' Her voice faltered and her words trailed away as she stared down at the sand.
'Didn't what?' he prompted softly. 'Look at me, Keri.'
This was the crunch moment. Did she have the courage to say it and risk the consequences?
'I can't see your eyes,' she whispered.
He took the shades off. 'How's that?' he questioned steadily.
Better-and worse. She had never seen him look more intent or serious, and she knew then that she had no choice, that the crunch time really had come.
'I didn't know if we were going to last. Or if you would change your mind about commitment,' she admitted. 'And I wasn't sure that I could cope with all that if I'd made a huge life-change.'
He nodded, recognising that insecurity still dogged her. She hadn't rushed him, or pushed him or hinted or cajoled-and hadn't part of him perhaps been waiting for her to do that, wondering if then he truly would feel trapped? But this relationship was no trap. He had found a place he wanted to stay and he wanted to secure that place, to make it permanent and to make it home. To anchor down. And he needed to tell her.
'I love you, Keri,' he said simply, wondering why it had taken so long for him to get around to saying it. He felt as if someone had lit a fire inside him. It had started out as just a tiny flicker, the kind of flame you had to cherish and to nurture, and now it was blazing within him. And feelings, he was discovering, like fires, couldn't be hurried. 'I love you,' he said again, and his smile was blinding.
'Oh, Jay!' She began to cry, and he pulled her into his arms and held onto her as if he would never let her go. After a while she was through, and he kissed the tip of her nose.
'What the hell are you crying about?' he questioned tenderly.
'I love you too, so much!'
By now he had learnt that women always cried for a reason, and if Keri was crying her heart out because she loved him, then that was just fine with him.
Everything seemed to happen in a bit of a blur after that. They kissed for a while, and quite passionately too-but they were on a Caribbean beach where that kind of behaviour was seen as perfectly respectable, so nobody gave them a second glance.
Until eventually Keri just wanted some privacy.
'Shall we go back to the hotel?'
He smiled and felt the pump of his heart. 'I guess we'd better.'
They walked hand in hand along the sand, but as they approached the hotel they heard the jubilant beat of steel drums and saw a couple barefoot in the sea, the woman dressed in white with a garland of flowers in her hair and the man in a white tuxedo.
'Oh, Jay, look,' she breathed. 'It's a wedding!'
He thought fleetingly that it was easier to get behind enemy lines than to understand what was going on inside the head of a woman. 'You want to get married?' he questioned casually. 'Here?'
She stopped, dead. 'Oh, my God! You want to marry me?'
'Of course I do,' he answered steadily. 'What do you think I came out here for? Do you want to marry me?'
'You know I do! But not here,' she said firmly. 'I mean, I know it's beautiful and romantic and everything, but … ' She looked up at him and her eyes were suddenly anxious. 'I'd really like my parents there. And Erin-she'd never forgive me if I did it without telling her. Would you mind, darling?'
He thought of Keri's twin-of her courage and her strength and the little boy she was raising just fine.
His face softened as he tilted up her chin to look at him. 'Tell you what-how do you suppose your family would like a holiday in the Caribbean?'