His mouth hardened. It was what women did. They built on relationships and then they worried and fretted about them. Put a woman on a ship full of men, and everything was altered. Inevitably. Women changed the dynamic, and it was both their weakness and their strength. Slowly but surely they sapped the strength of their men with the stealthy allure of domesticity.
Well, he didn't want it. He'd never wanted it. And the sooner she learnt that the better all round-and if she couldn't cope with the situation as it was, rather than how she wanted it to be, then she had better resign herself to the fact that it was over.
There was a text message from her awaiting him. It said. Come straight round and I'll cook you dinner. K xxx
His eyes narrowed. He knew what he wanted from her, and it wasn't any damned dinner-just to lose himself in her body and forget the memory of the human drama he had just dealt with.
When she answered the door, her hair was all over the place and she looked flustered, but he felt it all the same-that strong and overpowering need in him she always provoked.
Her eyes widened. 'Oh, God, is that the time?'
He pulled her into his arms. She smelt of warm milk and apples. 'Well, hello to you too!'
She gave him a brief, distracted kiss and pulled away, just as the sound of a child's wail came wafting through from the sitting room.
Jay froze, memories of the child he had just rescued playing tricks with his mind, taking him right back to the cold and the dark and the terror. 'What the hell is that?'
But she was already dashing along the corridor towards the sound of the wail, calling over her shoulder, 'It's-oh, come through, Jay-it's William.'
He followed her. The wail had become a noisy, gulping cry, and when he walked into her usually restful rose-pink room it was almost unrecognisable. Cushions and crayons littered the floor, the contents of a fruit dish were scattered all over the sofa, and in the midst of the general chaos a small child was sobbing against Keri's neck.
She met Jay's eyes over William's silky ebony hair and gave him a helpless expression. 'Shush, Will,' she crooned. 'It's all right. Look-here's Jay.'
William turned his head, looked at Jay, and then screamed even louder before burying his face again.
'He'll be all right in a minute, once he gets to know you,' she said. 'He's always a bit funny with strangers.'
This must be her nephew, he surmised. Her sister's child. What was he doing here?
'Erin wanted to go for a pedicure,' she explained, as William drummed his feet against her hips.
This explanation fuelled his vague feeling of discontent, and he let it flood in with a sensation of relief. So her sister was getting her toenails painted while her child screamed. Were both of them hostages to beauty, then?
'Why don't you help yourself to a drink?' Keri asked, wondering why his face was looking so thunderous. Surely William's presence wasn't that bad? Or was anything bad in Jay's mind if it impeded their journey to the bedroom?
'I don't want a drink,' he said shortly. 'I've had a long night and I'm pretty bushed. Looks like you've got your hands tied here-I'll see you tomorrow.'
He saw her mouth open by a fraction. Her tousled hair fell and mingled with the dark hair of William, who seemed now to be more interested in Jay, for he kept darting him little looks from eyes as ebony-dark as hers. He saw the relaxed way she rested the child on her hip and it was light-years away from the frozen silver model. Her cheeks were all pink, and with the child clinging onto her she looked extremely sexy in a very wholesome way. Who would have dreamed she could do a very credible imitation of an earth mother?
It made him want her even more. But he wanted her to himself and damn it-he didn't want to want her this much at all!
'I'll let myself out.'
'Okay, then,' she said faintly, and watched him leave. She couldn't stop the dull sense of foreboding which began to gnaw away at her heart.
Something was happening-he was growing distant from her. But, come to think of it, hadn't there been more and more of that just lately?
She knew she was falling in deep-past the point of no return-but she couldn't seem to do anything about it. On a good day she told herself that there was no reason why she should.
But today was a bad day, for no reason she could think of, and when something was bad it made you dwell on the negative. She settled William on the sofa and he began eating one of the apples which was lying there. She began to pick up all the cushions, her mind fixing and staying on the things which caused her pain if she let them, so she didn't often let them.
Like the fact that Jay had never stayed the night with her. Not once. Even that first night at the house he had left her side while she'd been sleeping.
She hadn't remarked on it at first. Hadn't wanted to scare him or have him think she was getting needy or possessive, though in fact it was neither-she just wanted to hold his strong, warm body during the night and to wake up with him the next day. To touch his face, to outline the strong, firm line of his lips. To make him breakfast and to drink coffee together, just like a normal couple.
But one night, when she had lain back against the pillows with a lazy, satisfied grin just refusing to wipe itself from her face, she had risked it.
'Do you have to go, Jay?'
He didn't pause in the act of pulling a sweater over his head. 'I'm afraid so.' There was an odd, fraught kind of silence. 'I do work from home at all kinds of ungodly hours,' he explained tightly. 'The time difference means I can't deal with the States during the day.'
Slowly and deliberately, she sucked the end of her finger and saw his eyes darken.
'And what if I told you I didn't mind being woken up?' she questioned softly.
'I couldn't do it, Keri,' he murmured. 'Think of the trouble I'd be in with your agency if you started to get dark rings underneath your eyes.'
Which was a very neat and diplomatic way of getting out of it, but it hurt.
I'll never ask him again, she had vowed. Ever.
Nor did he ever take her to his apartment.
Now, why was that?
But her thoughts were broken by the arrival of Erin, minutes later, her face glowing. 'Oooh, I feel wonderful,' she confided. 'Haven't had that done since … ' She bit her lip, but then smiled bravely. 'Well, not for ages, anyway.'
'Who knows?' Keri teased. 'We might even get you to the hairdresser's soon.'
'Steady on!' Erin paused in the middle of buttoning up William's coat and frowned at her twin. 'What's up?'
'Nothing.'
'Keri, it's me you're talking to-remember?'
Keri shrugged. 'Jay just came by.'
Erin looked around. 'So where is he now?'
'He went home.'
'In a grump?'
'What makes you say that?'
'Your face does. Did you have a row?'
'No. No, we haven't had a row.'
'Well, what is the matter, Keri?'
Was she fussing over something unnecessary? 'I was just thinking that I've never actually seen where he lives.'
Erin's eyebrows shot up. 'How very peculiar.'
'You think so?'
'Of course I do. Maybe he's shy about asking you.'
'Jay? Shy?' Keri gave a hollow laugh. 'I don't think so!'
'Look, you don't have to be so passive about this, you know. Why don't you call over there and surprise him?'
'No,' Keri said slowly. 'I couldn't.'
Erin looked cross. 'Oh, for goodness' sake, Keri-are you a grown woman or some kind of compliant mouse? What's the worst thing that could happen? He won't let you in?'
But that wasn't the worst thing that could happen. The worst thing was something which haunted her in darker moments, even when she tried not to let it. It all finishing. Jay no longer wanting or needing her. Could the world continue to turn if that should happen? She turned to stare out to where stars twinkled untouchably in the distance. Not her world, that was for sure.
And if it all hinged on whether or not she turned up unexpectedly at his apartment, then wouldn't it be better to find out now?
She took a cab. He lived in Greenwich, close to the river and the park, and his motorbike stood out from all the expensive cars parked along his street.
Her fingers were trembling as she rang the bell, and when he answered he was wearing just jeans, his hair still damp from the shower, his feet bare, the expression on his face watchful and wary.