Encroaching sleep was stalled by the sudden tension in her body, and Jay stifled a sigh. Why could women never let you sleep? Didn't they know that a man was empty-literally empty-after orgasm? That he had lost part of his body during the act and needed to recoup his strength? But he guessed he owed her more than that … she had, after all, been so very, very sweet.
He raised his head, his eyes dazed and smoky, about to murmur his appreciation when he saw her look of utter confusion and he frowned. Please don't come the we shouldn't have done that trip on me, he prayed silently.
He stared down at her gravely, his fierce expression warning her not to go down the route of pointless regret.
'Do you always look so uptight afterwards?' he observed softly.
Something in his unspoken censure made her do what she hadn't planned without stopping to think about the consequences. And she told him.
'I'm not sure.' She saw his look of confusion, but it didn't come even close to her own. 'That was the … my … my first time,' she admitted shakenly.
Jay froze. Oh, dear God, no-not that. 'You sure didn't act like a virgin,' he stated disbelievingly.
If she had been watching a film the scene might almost have been funny. But it was real, and it was happening to her, and funny was the last thing it was.
She shook her damp hair. 'That wasn't what I meant-of course I'm not a virgin.' But she might as well have been, for all that the other times counted next to this. Her body felt as though it had been steeped in sweet, sticky syrup, but she felt totally defenceless-as though he had touched a part of her that had been a mystery until now.
His eyes narrowed. His thinking wasn't at its best at times like this. 'Your first time?' he repeated carefully. 'What was?'
'My first orgasm,' she said in a small voice. 'Or, rather, my second now.'
CHAPTER SIX
FOR a moment there was complete silence, save for the hissing and spitting of the fire and the thunder of Keri's heart-so loud that it deafened her and surely must him too, when they were still so close and he was still intimately joined to her.
'Say that again,' he instructed softly.
To admit it once had been bad enough, and twice would be toe-curlingly awful, but she guessed it was too late in the day to play coy.
She attempted a shrug, but the truth in this particular case was bald, and no words could infuse it with a soft glow. 'I've never had an orgasm before.'
He withdrew from her abruptly and reached over to haul some blankets from the heap, throwing one over both of them, but he didn't pull her back into his arms, just levered himself up onto his elbow and surveyed her with steady, unblinking eyes.
'You're kidding?'
'You think my sense of humour is that warped?'
'I guess not,' he said slowly.
He leaned over and caught a strand of her hair which was dangling over her cheek. He looped it behind her ear and, stupidly, her stomach went to mush. She was missing him touching her, she realised. Wanting all over again that closeness which had seemed closer than she had been to anyone else-but that was an illusion, brought about by pleasure. She had not been close to him, not really-only in the physical sense, and that wasn't the way which counted.
'How come?' he murmured, seeing the brief tremble which shivered her skin, and he took her into his arms again, sensing that this was more complicated than he had thought. Though when he stopped to think about it he hadn't exactly been doing much thinking-had he?
'I'm sure you don't want a catalogue of my disastrous love-life,' said Keri, resisting the urge to snuggle right into him, as though that was an intimacy too far.
'Well, not a blow-by-blow account, that's for sure!' But it was a mistimed attempt at humour. 'Hey,' he said, his voice softening, for her lips were a soft pucker that he found himself wanting to kiss all over again. 'Come here.'
For a moment she was rigid in his arms, like an ice-cube refusing to melt, but then reaction kicked in and she began to dissolve under his touch, and for the first time in her life she realised the true supremacy which could be wielded by a man who brought a woman such heart-stopping pleasure.
The last thing he wanted was some kind of heavy scene on his hands. He dropped a soft kiss on the top of her head. 'You don't have to say anything-not a thing-if you don't want to.'
He was lightly skating his fingertips over her back now, an almost innocent gesture which should not have aroused her, but Keri had tasted pleasure and she was greedy for more.
But that was crazy. Once in the heat of the moment could be understood-but doing it again would be a whole different ball-game. Wouldn't it?
Almost imperceptibly she shifted away from him, so her breasts were no longer pressing into his chest, and Jay felt the tug of desire subside.
'It's just never happened before,' she whispered.
'I find that hard to believe.' He traced the line of her lips with a thoughtful finger. 'Someone as gorgeous as you. I thought men would be busting with a kind of macho pride to show themselves as great lovers.'
Someone as gorgeous as you. Keri supposed that a lot of women might have preened at that, but she had spent her whole adult life having compliments paid about her looks. Overkill-which resulted in them meaning nothing.
And would someone like Jay even begin to understand that what was perceived as physical beauty often got in the way? Men often regarded her as a possession-like a piece of priceless porcelain which must be treated with reverence and respect. And porcelain was cold, whereas she was warm flesh and blood. Or so she had just discovered with him.
Maybe if she hadn't been lying naked with him in front of a fire she might have clammed up, closed the subject completely. But the sudden rattle of the wind against one of the windows reminded her that outside a storm was still blowing and they were completely cut off, blanketed against the outside world, cocooned against the snow in this fire-darkened room. Could anything touch her here except for pleasure itself?
'I think that men are intimidated by me,' she admitted, growing hot with remembered rapture. Her voice was suddenly breathless as she turned her head to look at him. He certainly hadn't been intimidated. 'Which makes what just happened all the more amazing.'
There was a long pause while the implications of that hit him like a sledgehammer. 'You mean the lowly driver and the beautiful model?' His tone was dry, mocking. 'Not so unusual, I think, Keri. Literature is full of examples of unsuitable couplings-the high with the low, the rough with the smooth.' He ran his fingers over her belly with masterly possession, feeling her shake beneath their practised touch.
'So what was it that really turned you on?' he drawled. 'Are you one of those women who like a bit of rough-with the kind of man you wouldn't normally meet? Or was it the Navy connection-maybe you dream about a man in uniform? A lot of women do, you know, and you may be one of them.'
How had she been so short-sighted as to imagine that she was cocooned from pain and hurt in this place when his words were as wounding as arrows? She tried to push his hand away. 'Stop it-how dare you say those things?'
But he gripped her fingers, curling his own around them in a sensual trap and bringing his face close up to hers, his breath warm and sweet and wine-scented.
'It wasn't meant to be an insult,' he amended on a murmur. 'Just a problem you might like to solve, and then hopefully it won't happen again.' He grinned. 'Or, rather, it will!'
That hurt even more, and for a moment she couldn't figure out why-and then she realised that she had given herself to him passionately and freely, and now here he was, helping her to work out where she had gone wrong before, talking already about a future which did not include him. But it couldn't-she knew that, and so did he. Their lifestyles were oceans apart, their interests probably similarly separate. All they had was a physical compatibility which was almost cruel in its random unsuitability.
'Hey,' he said softly. 'Problems always have solutions, you know-don't look so sombre.'