“I should never have gotten so angry. I managed to screw up my relationship with her and made things worse for Sean, too.” Something shut down in his gaze, a door closing. “He was always the outsider and my mother never wasted an opportunity to remind him. Eventually, he withdrew from all of us. I know he was angry that I spoke up for him.” Jax’s gaze met hers again. “If I hadn’t, maybe my mother would have forgiven him. Maybe she wouldn’t have twisted the knife. Maybe he wouldn’t have left. I know I certainly would have been able to see her before she died.”
“But those were her decisions, Jax. You shouldn’t take responsibility for them.”
“But I can for my own actions. And I should never have let my anger get the better of me.” His gaze was very direct. “The heat of the moment is never a good place to be, Pandora. People get hurt. You got hurt. And that’s why I can’t be the Huntsman for you. Not again.”
She stared at him. Dear God, the man was quite serious. “Oh, for fuck’s sake. You really believe that?”
Black brows drew down. “It’s not a question of belief. It’s the truth.”
“So, let me see if I’ve got this straight. You’re holding yourself back because you think … what? That you’ll screw up the situation with us now?”
“Yes.”
“Newsflash, Jax. It’s already pretty damn screwed up. I don’t think it can get any worse.”
“It’s not that simple.”
“I’ve got two words to say to that: Bull. Shit.”
He scowled. “I could hurt you.”
“Yeah, you could.” She turned back to her laptop and flipped up the screen. Her poor silly, uptight Huntsman needed a lesson. How strange it was she, the virgin, who was going to teach it to him. “Oh, look,” she said, gesturing to the screen. “I got into your e-mail again.”
The hard line of Jax’s jaw became even harder. “Don’t.”
“Hmmm, perhaps I’ll send an e-mail to the entire company from your account. Perhaps the stick up your butt isn’t quite long enough and you’re wondering if anyone else has got anything longer. Yep, in fact, that’s definitely what you’re going to do.” She leaned forward, her fingers on the keys.
But before she could type a word, an arm wound around her waist, pulling her back hard against him. “I said, don’t,” he growled, a hard edge to his voice.
Excitement caught in her throat. Oh yeah, that sounded like her Huntsman all right. “How are you going to stop me?” she said thickly. “I can hack any system you name.”
The arm around her waist tightened, his body hot as a furnace behind her. “This isn’t funny, Pandora.”
“You think I won’t do it?” She pulled against his hold, wanting to make him work for it. “I can. And I will.”
“Goddammit.” She felt him shift and suddenly heat pressed against her spine, her butt, and the backs of her thighs as he pulled her into his lap, his arms tight bands around her. “Would you stop it?”
Excellent. She was in the perfect spot. “No.” And she wriggled.
“Fuck.” The word was sharply bitten off as she wriggled again, feeling the hard length of his rapidly growing erection pressing against her butt, the short hem of her dress sliding up.
“Pandora … ”
“You said there would be trouble if I got into your e-mail again and I did. Are you going to let me get away with it?” She didn’t know why it mattered to her so much but she was sick of his detachment. Sick of his reserve. Sick of him pulling back. She wanted everything he had to give and she wanted it now.
He was inhaling and exhaling faster now, the heat of his breath feathering across the back of her neck. “No.” There was a dark note in his voice. “Choose your punishment then.”
Adrenaline burst through her, the earlier desperation returning with a vengeance. His arm was an iron band around her waist and the feeling of being held so tightly by him was intoxicating. “You know what a bad girl I am, Hunt,” she whispered. “Perhaps you’d better spank me. Just to make sure I don’t it again.”
“Jesus.” He’d gone quite still. “I don’t want to hurt you.”
She loved that side of him, that protectiveness. But she’d had enough of being protected to last her a lifetime.
“I know but … I’ve never done anything even remotely kinky, not even by myself. And I want to try it. I want to try everything. And I want to try it with you.” She shifted her hips again, pressing against the hard ridge of his cock beneath her, the delicious ache of need gathering tighter. “I trust you, Jax.”