The Best of Me(54)

Her mom leaned forward slightly and smirked. “Oh, that’s right,” she said. “Because you were friends.”

Amanda turned, suddenly tired of all this—her mother, Frank, all the deceptions that had come to characterize her life. “Yes, Mom, because we were friends. I enjoyed his company. He was one of the kindest people I’ve ever known.”

For the first time, her mother seemed discomfited. “Where is this ceremony supposed to take place?”

“Why do you care? It’s obvious you don’t approve.”

“I was just making conversation.” She sniffed. “There’s no reason to be rude.”

“Maybe I sound rude because I’m hurting inside. Or maybe it’s because you’ve yet to say anything supportive about any of this. Not even an, ‘I’m sorry for your loss. I know he meant a lot to you.’ It’s what people generally say when someone close passes away.”

“Perhaps I would have if I’d known about this relationship in the first place. But you’ve been lying about it all along.”

“Did you ever stop to consider that you’re the reason I had to lie in the first place?”

Her mom rolled her eyes. “Don’t be ridiculous. I didn’t put the words in your mouth. I wasn’t the one sneaking back here. You made the decision, not I, and every decision has consequences. You need to learn to take responsibility for the choices you make.”

“You don’t think I know that?” Amanda felt herself flush.

“I think,” her mom said, drawing the words out, “you can be a little too self-centered at times.”

“Me?” Amanda blinked. “You think I’m self-centered?”

“Of course,” her mother said. “Everyone is, to a degree. I’m just saying that you take it a bit too far sometimes.”

Amanda stared across the table, too stunned to speak. That her mother, of all people—her mother!—was suggesting this only fueled her outrage. In her mother’s world, other people had never been anything but mirrors. She chose her next words carefully. “I don’t think it’s a good idea to talk about this.”

“I think it is,” her mother responded.

“Because I didn’t tell you about Tuck?”

“No,” she answered. “Because I think it has something to do with the problems you’re having with Frank.”

Amanda felt herself flinch inside at the comment, and it took everything she had to keep her tone and expression steady. “What makes you think I’m having problems with Frank?”

Her mom kept her tone neutral, but there was little warmth in it. “I know you better than you think, and the fact that you didn’t deny it just proves my point. I’m not upset by the fact that you’d rather not talk about what’s going on between the two of you. That concerns you and Frank, and there’s nothing I could ever say or do to help. We both know that. Marriage is a partnership, not a democracy. Which begs the question, of course, of what you’ve been sharing with Tuck all these years. If I had to guess, it wasn’t just that you wanted to visit him. It was that you also felt the need to share with him.”

Her mom let the comment hang, her eyebrow a questioning arch, and in the silence Amanda tried to swallow her shock. Her mother adjusted her napkin. “Now, I assume you’ll be here for dinner. Would you prefer to go out or stay in?”

“So that’s it?” Amanda blurted out. “You throw out your assumptions and accusations, then close the subject?”

Her mom folded her hands in her lap. “I didn’t close the subject. You’re the one who refuses to talk about it. But if I were you, I’d think about what you really want, because when you get back home, you’re going to have to make some decisions about your marriage. In the end, it’s either going to work or it isn’t. And a big part of that is up to you.”

There was a brutal truth to her words. It wasn’t just about her and Frank, after all; it was about the children they were raising. Amanda suddenly felt drained. Setting her cup on the saucer, she felt the anger leach out of her, leaving only a sense of defeat.

“Do you remember the family of otters that used to play out near our dock?” she finally asked, not waiting for an answer. “When I was a little girl? Dad would scoop me up whenever they appeared and bring me out back. We’d sit on the grass watching them splash and chase each other around. I used to think they were the happiest animals in the world.”

“I fail to understand what this has to do with anything—”