“Yes, that’s right,” Dr. Hopkins said with an amused smile. Claire knew Jake had won the doctor over. Who could resist what appeared to be a doting, loving, and overly excited father-to-be? Especially one with the charm and looks of Jake Manning?
“So the only other thing I wanted to address, Claire, is the whole body image and pregnancy issue.”
Claire felt all the blood drain from her face and she fought the urge to look over at Jake. At the beginning of the appointment Dr. Hopkins had asked if it was okay to speak freely in front of Jake, and Claire had agreed, considering she had had a pretty mundane life, no great sexual history or concerns that could embarrass her. But this. She hadn’t expected her to bring this up. Claire opened her mouth to speak as Dr. Hopkins flipped through her thick file. What was she supposed to say? If she said she didn’t want to speak about it, Jake would jump on this faster than a jackrabbit as soon as they left the office. On the other hand, getting into what was a disturbing part of her adolescence and early adulthood in front of Jake wasn’t exactly a comforting thought either. Her only option was to try to blow this off as if it was no big deal.
Claire waved a hand and tried to laugh, even though she felt like she was choking. “Oh that’s totally fine. No issues here,” she said, again not looking Jake’s way.
“By body issues and pregnancy are you referring to the mother-to-be’s insecurity over her changing body and perceived attractiveness?” Jake asked in a deep, concerned voice that sounded as though he’d just finished reading that chapter in a pregnancy book.
“Exactly. And for someone who has had an eating disorder it may be very disconcerting and may trigger those insecurities again. You’ll be weighed at every appointment, you’ll have cravings you might find difficult to ignore, and I’m concerned you’ll have feelings of guilt when you indulge.”
No. No. She didn’t just say eating disorder, did she? Maybe you’re imagining things. Maybe Jake wasn’t listening.
Claire stared straight ahead, focusing on the letters on the eye exam chart. Her mouth was dry and her entire body felt as though it had just burst into flames. She knew Jake was staring at her. Her doctor was staring at her. Everyone wanted an answer. And as soon as they walked out of here Jake would demand the entire story. Claire blinked rapidly, avoiding Jake’s gaze and trying to come up with something to say that could end the discussion.
She opened her mouth to speak but nothing came out. Suddenly she was sixteen with braces and sitting in Dr. Hopkins’s chair waiting for a referral to a teen psychologist for eating disorders. And it wasn’t Jake sitting beside her, it was her mother. Her mother was going on and on about how she had no idea Claire had been purposely not eating—and of course it wasn’t healthy—but didn’t she look good with all the weight lost? Claire felt sweat begin to pool and trickle down her spine. Could she just run out of the room?
Then Jake’s hand appeared on her thigh. She looked down at the strong hand, felt the gentle squeeze. It was large and warm, and in one touch offered her so much more than her mother ever had. She felt the heat from his hand, felt it permeate the fabric of her jeans, pulling her gently out of the abyss she was slowly sinking into. She stole a glance because she couldn’t ignore him anymore, and the concern she read in his eyes was nearly her undoing. With one look of genuine compassion, he almost got Claire to let her defenses tumble. Because Jake laughing, or angry, or silent, was nothing compared to Jake right now. Because right now, with one look, one single touch, Jake looked as though he was ready to walk through fire for her.
“I’m completely fine with everything, and I’m looking forward to all the changes coming my way,” Claire whispered in a voice so shaky she wanted to kick herself for sounding so vulnerable. She wasn’t lying. She really felt like she had put her self-esteem issues and eating disorder behind her. She really wasn’t nervous about what would happen to her body, because she wasn’t the same girl she was years ago. She was older, wiser, and a hell of a lot more self-confident. Claire looked at her doctor squarely in the eye, hoping she believed her. After a moment, her doctor nodded and gave her a smile.
“Good to hear. I guess that’s it for today. You take good care of yourself, Claire, and congratulations to both of you.”
Claire stood up and gave her a shaky smile before walking out of the room. She could still hear Jake talking with the doctor, his voice fading as she all but ran out of her doctor’s office to the elevator. She was being childish, she knew, but maybe she could just make it outside without talking to him. She felt the walls of the corridor start to close in on her, the odd sensation making her feel panicked, overheated. She tugged at the buttons on her collar, tearing the top two open, hoping for relief.