“Well, you’ll be my first guy friend, so hopefully I don’t mess it up either.” I smiled up at him. I knew that I was playing with fire spending time with Ash, but I tried to convince myself that as long as I stayed on the outside, far enough away the flames, I wouldn’t get burned. As long as our relationship didn’t turn sexual, I couldn’t get too attached, therefore, I couldn’t get too hurt. Yeah right, who was I kidding?
Chapter 11
Ash and I spent the rest of the night, or early hours of the morning rather, sitting in his bed, talking and getting to know one another. Even though Dylan and I had shared a similar conversation about our pasts, present, and futures, it seemed so much more personal with Ash, perhaps it was the intimacy of looking in each other’s faces and seeing the emotion that accompanied each story or memory that made it feel that way. After we did a quick rundown of our families and our childhoods, we started talking about where we were going in life, our goals and ambitions. Of course since I had only claimed my self-independence a week and a half prior, I had no idea what I truly wanted or desired. The only thing I was sure of was that it wasn’t going to be pre-law. I was surprised to say the least to learn Ash was a Physics major and a Philosophy minor. First, he didn’t strike me the type to be interested in either Physics or Philosophy, I had assumed more something to do with music or art or history. Second, who the hell studies both physics and philosophy? To me, they seemed to be so different from one another; I couldn’t imagine a career that incorporated both fields of study. When I told Ash how weird I thought his choices were, he explained it as if it made perfect sense.
“It’s the fact that they are so different, that makes it work for me - it’s like they balance me. Physics is the study of reality. It’s matter and motion and energy… and all of the natural laws that explain why the universe behaves the way it does. It’s all physical, no pun intended. Philosophy, on the other hand, is the study of belief and reason. It tries to understand and explain the meaning of why things happen. It’s all mental.
“In Ancient Greece, to study one was to study the other, especially pre-Socrates. The men who combined these two disciplines were called physiologoi, or natural philosophers. Physics is the what and philosophy is the why, and it’s the combination of the two that fuel my love for astrophysics.”
“Astrophysics?” I asked incredulously, wrinkling my nose. “Are you some kind of closet genius or something?”
He threw his head back in laughter and shook it from side to side. He looked downright edible at that moment and I had to restrain myself from leaning towards him and licking his neck. Friends… I reminded myself. Ugghhh… I needed a session with B.O.B. as soon as we got home.
“No, no genius here,” his playful voice broke me from my inappropriate daydream. “I’ve just always been obsessed with stars and planets and space in general. Where my sister lives in California, you can see thousands upon thousands of stars almost every night - it’s spectacular. I used to spend a month every summer with her and with not much to entertain me, I started reading books to learn everything I could about them. I seriously became infatuated with everything astronomy related.” Ash gave me a funny look and tilted his head slightly, but continued, “And now it’s what I hope to do for a career, but it’s a very tough field to get into. More than likely, if I’m lucky, I will get hired on as a research assistant for some project and just hope to learn as much as I can and move my way up.”
“Why the funny look?” I questioned curiously.
“I don’t know. I’ve never talked about my stars with anyone else before. I know most people could really give two shits about the ball of gasses that just seem to hang out in the night’s sky.” I loved the way he called them his stars, showing his passion and possessiveness.
For the first time since I had met him, Ash had a look of vulnerability on his face. I could tell talking about this aspect of his life made him uncomfortable and I wondered why. Running through possible explanations in my head, my best guess was that his parents didn’t approve of his career choice.
“I think it’s fascinating and anytime you want to ramble on to me about your celestial girlfriends, I would love to learn more about them.” I teased.
“Okay, well don’t say I didn’t you warn you the next time I spend an hour explaining to you about how interesting plotting the movement of a meteor is okay?” His dimpled smile was warm and inviting, and again I had to refrain from touching or kissing him.
I quickly changed the subject, hoping to deter my non-friendlike thoughts. “Why do you call me Butterfly even though you know I hate nicknames?”
“Well, first, I could give two shits if you like my nickname for you or not.” He teased with a big goofy grin. But then Ash’s smile turned more heartfelt as his aquatic eyes looked sincerely into mine. “There could not be a better portrayal of you, Scarlett, than a butterfly. Butterflies symbolize various things across different cultures; however, the most common association is that of metamorphosis, or a time of transformation and change. You know better than anyone and like we’ve talked about, this is your time of metamorphosis. You are finally breaking free of that tight chrysalis that your parents had you so tightly wrapped in and spreading your wings to fly. I know it sounds so cliché, but in your case, it could not be more true.
“Other symbolic meanings for the butterfly include beauty, tenderness, appreciation, tranquility, and peace. All of these are words that describe you and the aura that surrounds you.” Was this guy for real? Friends, huh?
“Wow, that was kind of deep,” was the first thing I could come up with to say. Then I pulled myself together from the semi-melted state his intoxicating voice had left me in and I continued, “I am very impressed by your expansive knowledge of butterfly symbolism. You have been one surprise after another tonight, Mr. Walker.”
“Is that so, Miss MacGregor? I hope they have all been pleasant surprises.” He over exaggerated an eyebrow waggle and I hit him in his arm to stop, but my laughter just encouraged him more.
“So what was that other name you called me last weekend?” I asked breaking up our game of making funny faces at each other. Ash gave me a questioning look as if he really didn’t know what I was referring to.
“Psyche or something like that?” I offered hoping he would know what I was talking about and immediately, he broke our gaze and looked down at our hands, still clasped together between us. He was blushing and I loved it - for once I had either embarrassed him or at least made him uncomfortable.
“I didn’t remember saying that out loud,” he confessed and then stood silently.
“Sooo… are you going to tell me now? Or am I going to have to tickle it out of you?” I tried to joke in hopes it would relieve his uneasiness a bit.
He took a deep breath and began. “I know this is going to sound unbelievable cheesy…”
“Oh, come on… I’m a girl, I like cheesy,” I assured him.
“Okay, the story of Eros and Psyche is a Greek myth that carried over to the Roman mythology as well, where it was told as Cupid and Psyche; some people claim it’s the world’s first fairy tale. It’s actually one of my favorite of all the myths. You should look it up and read it sometime, I think you would enjoy it. It’s a tale of undying eternal love and the many hurdles and obstacles that Eros and Psyche had to overcome to find their happily ever after.” He returned his eyes to mine and I was completely spellbound. He continued, “Psyche is the term the Greeks use for butterflies, but the name Psyche in Greek literally means soul. Thus the butterfly, based on this epic love story, is commonly used to depict the immortality of the human soul.
“Psyche is often portrayed in drawings and sculptures a beautiful human girl with butterfly wings. So obviously…” The crimson color darkened in his cheeks again, “when I first thought of how similar you are to a butterfly, both physically and emotionally, I envisioned you as Psyche.” His eyes dropped to his lap and a small embarrassed smile played on his full lips.
Dumbfounded by the entire conversation, the only thing that came to my head to say was, “Well, obviously.”
Ash lifted his eyes back to mine and the small embarrassed smile turned into a wide mischievous grin. “Are you making fun of me?”
I shook my head no but as he quickly moved from his sitting position on the bed up unto his knees, I knew I was in trouble. Seconds later, it was like a replay of the last time I was on Ash’s bed and I was pinned on my back as he tickled me relentlessly.
“You know, either you are making fun of me or you’re lying about not doing it… either way, you’re in big trouble and need to be punished.” His words were playful and lighthearted, but when he said the word punished, my body stiffened as images of handcuffs and riding crops fluttered through my head. I really needed to have sex… soon. I tried to recover quickly, hoping he didn’t notice my reaction, but I wasn’t so lucky.